31 of the Most Unintentionally Hilarious Things a Child Has Said

‘If you're younger than mommy, why do you look so much more tired?’
31 of the Most Unintentionally Hilarious Things a Child Has Said

Nobody takes road safety as seriously as a kid who’s just learned about crossing the street, something one Redditor knows firsthand. 

According to his mother, he was apparently so concerned with making sure folks made it to the other side in one piece that he took it upon himself to admonish strangers for not being careful. In one instance, he “seriously” told off a grown man “for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy’s hand.”

“He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together,” she recalled of the roadside incident. “I told him he was a good boy.” 

Other Redditors have recalled more unintentionally hilarious comments they’ve heard from children, including a childbirth misconception, a toilet protest and some of the most creative ways we’ve ever heard anyone be called old.

close_my_eyes 4y ago In France 7-years-old is considered the age of reason. Apparently my daughter had this on her mind a lot leading up to her birthday. When she woke up on her 7th birthday, she told me, I think the age of reason starts at 8 years old. Award Share 3.5K ...
Intagvalley 4y ago I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while. Then he turned to me and said, This is the happiest day of my life. I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that. Award Share 1.5K ... + 11 more replies
ValuableMine9 4y ago My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand. Не was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy. 3.5K Award Share ...
locke3891 4y ago My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names. When he got to my biggest friend he said And you can be Pokémon stadium! 3.3K Award Share ... mcbeezy94 4y ago I love how he skipped Snorlax or Wailord and just went straight for, Pokémon Stadium 1.2K Award Share ...
whatsupitty 4y ago I'm not supposed to tell, but the doctor said to my dad he's fat. - 5 year old cousin. - 4.9K Award Share ...
Jack1715 4y ago My cousin who was like 3 at the time asked me how old | am and I said 22 he goes ' oh I thought you were 50 2.7K Award Share ...
sockhead99 4y ago Half said, half action. Was taking her to nursery in the middle of winter. She had those mittens that connected to her coat with string, but wasn't wearing them and was complaining that her hands were cold. Me - if your hands are cold, why don't you put your mittens on then sweetheart? Her - I can't daddy, my mittens are full of oats. she then up-ends her gloves and porridge oats pour out of her mittens making two little mounds on the floor 1.9K Award Share ...
DirtyMartiniMan 4y ago Edited 4y ago My nephew at ten years old said, If you're younger than mommy, why do you look so much more tired? Thanks kid.  what in sweet home Alabama happend here? 1.3K Award Share ...
writingsofadeadpoet1 4y ago My four year old brother was messing around with a knife, and i grabbed it away from him, and told him to be careful. Не asked me why. So i said he could really hurt himself and die. I then said you know (insert brothers name) if you ever die my heart would be broken. His reply: You know ор if you ever die my heart would be fixed. Man i was so offended but it caught me so off guard i couldnt help but laugh ahah Award Share 2.6K ...
Swanbrother 4y ago I was sitting on a rock looking kinda haggard because I was overheating in a satyr costume at a ren faire. A passing child looked me up and down and went, It'll be okay, goat. 4K Award Share ...
Crosswired2 4y ago Shortest story - asked a 4 year old how he wanted his eggs. Не replied Good. Touché. - 2K Award Share ...
Framerchick2002 4y ago My son was complaining of being hot so I was changing him into a t-shirt. Не was still hot and crying about something else, I couldn't understand what he wanted. Finally he screamed You know, T-PANTS!!! Не meant shorts, he wanted shorts. 483 Award Share ...
UnsavouryPie 4y ago Edited 4y ago I baked muffins for my five year old and he said Well, they taste okay.. but I'm thinking the people at the stores do a better job I just LOVE how brutally honest children are, and not in a passive-aggressive way like adults tend to do, just straight up honesty. Не gave me a hug afterwards and asked if we could play outside. I love kids, they're great-most of the time xD 1.6K Award Share ...
kor_hookmaster 4y ago Back when my son was 3 I spent a lot of time teaching him about road safety and how to safely cross the street. I told him that at intersections you had to wait for the little white man to appear on the crosswalk light before you could start to cross the road and not to go when the orange hand was there. Of course, my son starts screaming DADDY WHERE'S THE WHITE MAN?! at the top of his lungs every time we walk up to an intersection. We're Caucasian. Being three he screeches this at everyone
Legal_Ad5676 4y ago My brother: dad, im not going to tell you the flavor of your surprise birthday cake. At least he kept something secret 623 Award Share ...
theWildBore 4y ago This was me as a kid but I told my grandmother that I was an octopus and wished I could wrap my testicles around her. I missed her so much and wanted a hug. I'm also a female 1.4K Award Share ...
ericwen 4y ago My daughter definitely had it coming when she was two and said Mommy, I'm not going to use the potty anymore! I'll just go in my pants. 1.4K Award Share ...
Lily_May_Ledford99 4y ago Upon learning that I was from Washington, D.C. a little girl asked me seriously if George Washington was President when I was little. I thought it was really funny and imaginative. 793 Award Share ... + 8 more replies
Sparky62075 4y ago My daughter at two and a half years old... Daddy, my poo smells like shit. 1K Award Share ...
Funke-munke 4y ago Working as an Elementary school OT - Miss Funke/Munke, was everything black and white when you were a kid? 949 Award Share ... Jason575757 4y ago I genuinely thought the world was in black and white in the past until I was 10 321 Award Share ...
WarriorJax 4y ago I'm a chubby guy, anyway I was hanging out with some friends after work and one of my friend's kid just plainly says, You're wiggily. We all bust out laughing at this because it was such an astute observation. Later we were all getting ready to sit down to dinner and the same kid then says, I'm going to sit next to the Wiggily One! At that point my friends and I absolutely lost it. 1.1K Award Share ...
Late_Again68 4y ago Pre-Covid, I was at the library checking out some movies at the self-checkout. I had 5 or 6 movies and when I picked them up to leave, I dropped one. At just that moment a mother and her son - he couldn't have been more than four - were walking by. The little kid picked up my movie and handed it to me. Naturally, I thanked him and told him how helpful he was. This four-year-old looked me dead in the eye and with a deadpan expression said, Be more careful next time. I about fell out and his mother was
gofatwya 4y ago I used to be quite heavy, though people always said I carried it well. One day I was shopping at the grocery store, and noticed a rather attractive young mother looking at the produce with her little girl, probably 3 or 4 years old. Just as I worked my way past them, the little girl looked up at me, smiled sweetly, and said, Hello, fat man. 1K Award Share ...
LikeASpectre 4y ago A couple hours after telling my three year old that he was going to be a big brother, he came up to me and asked mum where are we going to get the skin? Turns out he assumed we would be getting the 'meat' for the new baby from the butchers. 588 Award Share ...
Nymric 4y ago Had recently shaved and gelled my hair into a mohawk and some random kid whom i walked past said: Hey cool guy. Not really what i'm used to hearing so i laughed. 896 Award Share ...
CourageDowntown 4y ago My 4 yo cousin was firmely convinced that MJ died in the 80s, so I told him that I remembered his death so it couldn't have passed such a long time. Не looked at me and serious as hell ascertained that I was pretty old to behave the way I do and then asked me if dinosaurs were still alive when I was a kid. 526 Award Share ...
youngmisfit831 4y ago Working for a school. Listening to kids babble on about whatever, I had a child tell me I have 3 brothers, they all have girlfriends. Except one them and he paints his nails but I don't know why.. 495 Award Share ...
CarrotAnkles 4y ago My little sister was showing off all of her toys to my friends once. I was ~15, she was ~5. She brought out a doll with bright green hair. Her: Now, this is just an ordinary doll... Me: Her hair doesn't look very ordinary. Her (suddenly exasperated): It's in a BRAID, CarrotAnkles! Said friends still call me by name in the exact same tone. - 509 Award Share ...
WulfRanulfson 4y ago I was helping 5yo with a computer game. Не said Dad you're like a black hole at this  You suck so much 482 Award Share ...
mach00burrit00 4y ago I love pooping because you get to sit and rest - 346 Award Share ... anniewolfe 4y ago Yeah this continues the older you get I believe 88 Award Share ...
 4y ago My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. Не was looking at a horse. 4.9K Award Share ...  4y ago The FBI Agent inside the horse suit: I've been made, cover compromised. Request immediate extraction. I repeat. Request immediate extraction. - 480 Award Share ...

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