32 Jokes That Are Both Funny and Technically True

You can drink cement, but only once
32 Jokes That Are Both Funny and Technically True

The Titanic was a state-of-the-art ship for its day. Crafted in 1909, the vessel boasted electricity, a wireless telegraph and one feature that served as a bit of a late addition.  As one Redditor put it, “The Titanic was a technological ground breaker in having the first salt water swimming pool,” a statement that’s both hilarious and technically true.  

Along those lines, not all humor has to be a head-scratching riddle or a dad joke that stretches the limits of what’s actually funny. Redditors have shared a slew of jokes that are dubiously truthful and worthy of a chuckle, including the real reason T. rexes can’t do push-ups (hint: it has nothing to do with their tiny arms).

megaphone369 2y ago Sounds like you need some Mitch Hedberg in your life. Just a sampling: One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said Here's a picture of me when I was younger. Every picture is of you when you were younger.  If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. - 826 Reply ...
04221970 2y ago People eat more bananas than monkeys. 4K Reply ...
Oudeis16 2y ago I used to give tours in the Capitol, and I would tell people, If you took the Washington Monument and laid it on its side in this corridor, the police would have some VERY serious questions for you... - 4K Reply ...
rogue74656 2y ago I was named after George Washington. I thought your name was Phil? It is. Washington was named in 1732 and I was named in 1969. 6.4K Reply ...
 2y ago One of my favorites from Groucho Marx: Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - 8.6K Reply ...
 2y ago Blue whales are so large that, if you took one and laid it end-to-end on a basketball court, it would be very difficult to play basketball on that court. - 1.4K Reply ...
hymie0 2y ago If you're skydiving and your parachute jams, don't panic; you have the rest of your life to fix it. - 459 Reply ...
luxshokk 2y ago Most people have an above average number of legs. - 3.2K Reply ... quotidian_nightmare OP . 2y ago Top 1% Commenter Intellectually, I know this is right, but some deep part of my brain wants to reject it for some reason! 1K Reply ...
dercavendar 2y ago Drinking a gallon of gasoline will provide enough calories that you won't have to eat for the rest of your life. 1.2K Reply ...
Harsimaja 2y ago Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. And Every mushroom is edible, but some only once. -the great Terry Pratchett 355 Reply ...
Raisinization 2y ago If you lined up all the elephants in the world from the earth to the moon, they would all die and space would be littered with dead elephants. - 1.3K Reply ...
graboidian 2y ago You should not buy a Hot water heater, because you shouldn't need to heat hot water. (It seems like the water related ones are the easiest) 302 Reply ...
ScientistNathan 2y ago Did you know a kangaroo can jump higher than a house? A kangaroo can jump as high as 3 meters, whereas a house can't jump at all. - 1.3K Reply ... Badass-19 2y ago Not wanna flex, but I can even jump higher than the building 219 Reply ...
MasksOfAnarchy 2y ago Why can't Barack Obama use these two fingers?. Don't know. Because they're mine. Always fun. - 1.4K Reply ...
Waltf99 2y ago You know, 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population. I didn't think the percentage would be that high 474 Reply ... + 24 more replies
garysai 2y ago The Titanic was also a technological ground breaker in having the first salt water swimming pool.
cerebrite 2y ago Cutting corners would make more corners. - 481 Reply ... quotidian_nightmare OP . 2y ago Top 1% Commenter | like that!
Ok-Autumn 2y ago I remember reading in the comments of a post on r/ask Cannibalism would simultaneously solve over population and world hunger! - 1.6K Reply ... wolfie379 2y ago Johnathan Swift did it first - A Modest Proposal. 160 Reply ...
ecodrew 2y ago Why can't a T-rex do pushups? A: Coz they're all dead.
UnderwhelmingAF 2y ago To the lobsters on board in the kitchen, the Titanic sinking was a miracle. - 701 Reply ... TimeOk8571 2y ago Edited 2y ago What a survival story. I think this needs its own feature film starring Lobsternardo DiCarapacio. 426 Reply ...
General_Freed 2y ago Every Year more people die to Coconuts falling off trees than to Sharks falling off trees 141 Reply ... + 11 more replies
latinforliar 2y ago Build a man a fire, and he is warm for a night. Catch a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life. -Terry Pratchett The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 65 Reply ... + 8 more replies
 2y ago If you put a horseshoe crab up to your ear you can hear what it sounds like to be attacked by a horseshoe crab. 66 Reply ...
Godd2 2y ago Couple of things to remember about marriage: One the one hand, you get to wear a cool ring. On the other hand, you don't. 115 Reply ... + 3 more replies
KrispyBaconator 2y ago You can drink cement, but only once 58 Reply ... + 8 more replies
Learned_Mustang 2y ago . Edited 2y ago *passing a cemetery while driving Dad: you know, people in town cannot be buried in this cemetery. Me: oh? Why not? Dad: because they're still alive. 110 Reply ...
embarrassed_error365 2y ago When birds fly in a V, why is one side always shorter? There's less birds on that side! 283 Reply ...
Esixty11 2y ago A shark will only attack you if you're wet 250 Reply ... borisherman 2y ago Not in Sharknado 87 Reply ...
fishywiki 2y ago I'm not sure if this fits the bill ... If all Justin Bieber's records were laid end-to-end along the I-90, it would encourage record-breaking traffic. 131 Reply ...
ksed_313 2y ago It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on. -My Dad 71 Reply ...
addys 2y ago I knew someone who decided to see how long he could go without breathing- and he held his breath for the rest of his life ! 63 Reply ...
227CAVOK 2y ago One side of a dog has more hair than the other, and it's the outside. - 1.1K Reply ... (1)

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