19 of the Most Outlandish Explanations Lawyers Heard from Clients

‘That his positive hair follicle meth test was because his ex put meth in his coffee’
19 of the Most Outlandish Explanations Lawyers Heard from Clients
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Makeelee 8y ago I didn't put it there. I have no idea how it got there. --Trying to explain the bag of cocaine in his anus.
BonesFullOfPoprocks . 8y ago As you can see the man in the photo is NOT wearing a hat... therefore I cannot be him
youseeit . 8y ago I once represented an investor who claimed that his brokerage should have to pay for his losses because he had told them shortly after opening the account that the account number they gave him was very unlucky. They didn't change it. Yeah, that must've been it.
smellyfishclitoris 8y ago Jesus made me do it
syntheticlogarithm 8y ago not a lawyer, but my friend said his father, who is a lawyer, was in a trial in which the defendant claimed his wife ran into his knife 37 times. fortunately, she survived.
WisePapaSmurf . 8y ago Edited 8y ago I bought a purse at a thrift shop and it happened to have a bunch of meth in it! I was told this by a couple who each had a prior meth conviction. They should really shop at a different thrift shop.
8y ago A jail call, which clearly indicates it's being recorded and can be used in a court of law. Defendant on the phone tells his girlfriend something like they can't prove it was me. They have no idea I rented a Chevy Impala that night and my face was covered. In reference to a robbery where a guy in a Chevy impala was wearing a mask during commission of the robbery.
. 8y ago That the cocaine between his toes was just baby power to keep his feet dry... to a judge. . .while being sentenced for drug charges.. .with a drug dog alerting to his feet.
badgersprite . 8y ago I diddled kids because I have ADHD.
chase-that-feeling 8y ago Relating to an attempted stabbing: I wasn't there, but if I was, it was self defence.
MoodyEncounter . 8y ago Not a lawyer story, but my friend is a trauma registrar at a hospital and you would not BELIEVE how many people accidentally walk into, or fall onto, knives. It's just a coincidence that it happened during a fight with their significant other. Or during an obvious drug deal.
NirvanahCrane 8y ago That his positive hair follicle meth test was because his ex put meth in his coffee.
very_large_ears . 8y ago Criminal defendant in a theft case is in court for sentencing and the judge asks him if he has to say anything for himself: Well, if I'd knowed they was watching, I never woulda took it. Never.
amenadiel 8y ago Not a lawyer. But in my country, a guy was the accountant for several singers, actors, press anchormen and sport stars. Не defrauded millions from them and when asked why, he said he despised them. They took their success for granted, as if it was their birthright. When he got to prison, was received by a standing ovation from every inmate. Epic moment.
papereverywhere 8y ago I was deposing this guy who caused a car crash. Не was from a larger state, and traveling in a state that was smaller than his home state. His excuse was that, because of the additional land, the interstates in his home state were much more straight, and he was not used to all the bends they have to put in to fit the road in a smaller state. WTF? Also keep in mind...this accident did not occur on a bend in the road or because of a bend in the road, but rather because he merged
whoisfourthwall 8y ago Not a lawyer, but a business associate of mine was thumping the table at the firm (i was accompanying him) screaming about why he has to pay his debts to the suppliers and master franchisor WHEN HIS SHOP HAS LOST MONEY! How dare them! Asking me to pay when in fact my franchise lost money from blatant mismanagement! HOW DARE THEM!
Assadistpig123 8y ago Not really a lawyer, am an engineer, but I did go to law school and finish. Had a client that my brother was representing, who claimed he was a non violent man, stab me with my own fountain pen while we were telling him the merits of a plea deal. When right through my finger, severed the tendon. I hated law. It's such a shit show nowadays. The ABA fucked up everything. And a client stabbed me. I've earned my right to complain.
8y ago I had a client who owned an engineering firm that was being sued for the wrongful termination by one of its former engineers. My client , a man of the Hindu faith, had fired an engineer of the Muslim faith when the latter took a day off for Ramadan. Despite my advice, my client testified in court that he thought Muslim people were lazy and that the Plaintiff had taken the day off to party. When a jury returned a verdict in the Muslim Engineers favor, my visibly angry client took me aside and explained to
8y ago So I'm only a student lawyer (third year law student) but last summer I was working in a public defender's office and we had a hilarious/disturbing case where a brother and sister were allegedly caught having sex in a car, in a public park. A person just saw activity in a car that they thought looked like sex so they called the police. Apparently they saw feet up in the air and figured someone was knocking boots. Turned out to be a brother and sister. I can't remember exactly what the charge was, but their defense was

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