23 Dad Jokes to Keep from Your Mother

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
23 Dad Jokes to Keep from Your Mother
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These are dad jokes, intended only for dads. If you’re a dad, you’re guaranteed to LOL or your money back. If you’re not a dad, feel free to proceed, but once you’ve finished reading these jokes, you’ll have to immediately destroy your phone. 

Sorry, them’s the rules.

CRACKED Why did the banana go to the doctors? Because he wasn't peeling very well!!
CRACKED Why don't some fish play piano? Because you can't tuna fish!
CRACKED Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
CRACKED I lost my job at Pepsi last week after working there for years. I tested positive for Coke.
CRACKED How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change.
CRACKED Why were the posts removed? Someone took a fence.
CRACKED What is the most required skill to work in a juice factory? Ability to concentrate.
CRACKED What do you call a magician who lost their magic? lan.
CRACKED What kinds of books do oranges read? Pulp fiction.
CRACKED How excited was the gardener about the arrival of spring? So excited, he wetted his plants!
CRACKED Why did the candle fall in love? It found the perfect match.
CRACKED Two men walked into a bar. The third man ducked.
CRACKED What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.
CRACKED My cannibal girlfriend finally convinced me to sleep over. She promised to make me breakfast in the morning.
CRACKED Today I caught my neighbor stealing my socks off my clothesline. I was going to confront him, but I got cold feet.
CRACKED Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
CRACKED I ordered duck for dinner last night. The bill was huge.
CRACKED Yesterday a cop knocked on my door. They said they were looking for a man with just one eye. I told them it would be more effective to use both eyes.
CRACKED What do you call a proficient witch? A hex-pert.
CRACKED Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
CRACKED Did you hear the joke about the dead guy? Don't worry, he didn't either.
CRACKED My hair is getting long and my wife told me to cut it. But it's really growing on me.
CRACKED Do you know how you can tell something is a dad joke? It's apparent.

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