15 Dad Jokes for the Hall of Shame

These all make me want to puke
15 Dad Jokes for the Hall of Shame

Maybe I lack whimsy. Maybe my brain has been fried from decades of bombardment by absurdist comedy, and society’s value of sarcasm over sincerity. Whatever it is, I hate these jokes with every fiber of my being, and you should too.

This Hypothetical Drummer Lacks Imagination

“What did the drummer call his twin daughters? ‘Anna One, Anna Two!’”

Leo Kearse Says Iranians Are a Monolith

“In Iran, everyone’s scared of spiders. But in Iraq no phobia.”

This Is Why You Should Only Buy Shoes From Reputed Cobblers and Cordwainers

“I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.”

This Is Erasure of Compute Mothers

“What does a baby computer call his father? ‘Data!’”

Kev Mud on Traveling for Work

“I travel a lot being a comedian. In fact, I’ve spent the last year living out of a suitcase. Which isn’t bad, but my back hurts and my legs stick out the end.”

Assuming This Bear Still Had Claws, You Would Not Have Time to Deliver Your Precious Little Punchline

“What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.”

How Can You Trust That Which You Cannot See?

“I don’t trust atoms; they make up everything.”

Attila the Pun’s Mother Sacrificed So Much

“When I was a kid, my mum used to run a dating site for chickens. She did whatever she could to make hens meet.”

If Water Is Sentient, We’re Cooked

“RIP boiled water. You will be mist.”

Kev Mud Describes a Horrifying Scene at a Party for Children

“I was at a kids’ party, and they said, ‘There’s an ice cream man outside.’ But by the time I got out there, he had melted.”

May the Swiss Forgive Us for This One

“What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.”

Attila the Pun’s Act of Selflessness

“I’ve just applied for a job as a waiter. Someone has to put food on the table.”

Don’t You Understand? That’s What It’s For!

“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. It was just collecting dust.”

Leo Kearse’s Wacky Neighbor

“Marvin Gaye kept a sheep in my vineyard. He’d herd it through the grapevine.”

Okay Fine, This One’s Funny

“My girlfriend said, ‘You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.’ ‘Good idea,’ I replied. ‘We can cover more ground that way.’”

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