35 Dirty Jokes People Love to Tell

‘What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?’
35 Dirty Jokes People Love to Tell

While comedy would be nothing without clean jokes, dad jokes or even intellectual jokes, it's equally important to appreciate dirty jokes. Sure, you might not be able to tell them to your grandmother at Thanksgiving, but they’re perfect for going tit for tat with a stranger in a bar. During a recent exchange of wits, a Redditor was told this one, which she hadn’t heard before: 

“‘Do you know the difference between Caesar salad and a blowjob?’

“‘No, I don’t.’

“‘In that case, can I take you out to lunch?’”

Short, sweet and to the point. 

Other Redditors have shared the filthy jokes they can’t tell in front of meemaw, including a perfect filthy zinger to tell on Christmas Eve.

 3y ago Had a scare and went to the proctologist for a checkup. Asked the Doctor how my prostate was looking. Не gave me the thumbs up. Not good. he said. 46 Share ...
Brewskidoskie . 3y ago e Two flies are sitting on a pile of shit. One of the flies farts. The other fly says with a look of disgust, Dude, I'm eating. 68 Share ...
Todeskuh . 4y ago e My neighbours recently called me a pervert. This upset me so much, the cactus almost slipped out off my ass. 37 Share ...
snapdown91 e 3y ago What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke. 147 Share ...
RaspberryFirehawk . 4y ago e What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Не wiped his ass. 108 Share ...
Corka 4y ago A naked man ran past two old ladies on the street. One of them immediately had a stroke, and the other one missed. 206 Share ...
ADDeviant-again 4y ago A newlywed couple is checking into a hotel, whennthe Groom mention that it's their wedding night. The concierge says, Oh, then let's put you in the Bridal! No extra charge! The young wife says, That's very kind of you. I was afraid I was going to have to hold him by the ears until he figured it out! 145 Share ...
BorisMustWin 3y ago Jeff and his wife were having a hard time paying the rent. One night jeff decides he is going to go whore him self out, standing on the corner. The next day he comes home too tell his wife, how he worked really hard and made $200.05. Hiis wife looking confused said, which cheap beach gave you the nickle? Smirking he looks at her and says all of them + 705 Share ...
onegrayhair 4y ago Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I suppose I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he says. Don't you have a vase?! Share 106 ...
DissociatedDeveloper . 4y ago . Edited 4y ago . An old married couple are in church one Sunday... when the woman turns to her husband and says, I've just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do? The husband turned to her and says, Replace the battery in your hearing aid.
harplesbian 3y ago . Q: What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? A: I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face. + 1.7K Share ...
johnnythesailorman 3y ago So a Mormon family is on a road trip and they decide to pull into the only hotel with vacancy but unfortunately for them it's also advertising in big neon letters FREE PORN ON THE TV so when dad is checking in he leans in to the clerk and says in a hushed tone. Can we get a room where the porn is disabled? and the clerk says All we have is regular porn you SICKO!!! + Share 2K ...
SomeDudeist 4y ago A farmer comes home late one night. Не comes in the house and he has a pig with him. His wife is upset and comes into the room ready to ask why he's coming back so late. The farmer says this is the pig I've been fuckin'. The wife in shock asks you've been fucking a pig!? To which the farmer replies I wasn't talking to you. + 366 Share ...
 3y ago A man went to see a lady of the night. Next day he found out that he has crabs. So he went to her and complained. To which she said, For $5 what did you expect, lobsters? + 882 Share ...
stateofmind109 4y ago . Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? >! Because you never turn your back on family + 1.9K Share ...
nkhasselriis 4y ago - Two sperm are swimming side by side. One says to the other, How far to the fallopian tubes? I don't know, but we just passed the esophagus. 2K Share ...
TheEnygma 4y ago - A wife says to her husband I'm leaving you and going to the city where I can do blowjobs for 100 bucks each! At least then I'll have some money. So the husband runs upstairs and brings down a suitcase full of his things. Wife asks wait, where do you think you're going? Husband replies I'm coming with you. I'm curious to see how you'll live on 300 bucks a year. Share 150 ...
Supermouse911 4y ago . They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? 1.2K Share ...
Cylasbreakdown 4y ago What's six inches long, hard as a rock, and full of semen? The sock under my bed. 2.2K Share ...
guitar_collector e 4y ago - What is the difference between a blimp and 365 blowjobs? One is a Goodyear, the other is a fucking fantastic year! + 1.7K Share ...
Psychological_Cook69 4y ago в What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme. + 4.3K Share ...
Lifeless_husk47 e 4y ago What did cinderella do when she reached the ball? Gagged + 9.9K Share ...
Youpunyhumans 4y ago A man with no arms and no legs sits at the beach pondering his lonely life. 3 beautiful women walk by and the first woman taking pity on the man walks up and asks Have you ever been hugged before? No says the man. So she hugs him and walks on. The 2nd woman also taking pity on the man, walks up and asks Have you ever been kissed before? No the man replies sorrowfully. So she kisses him and walks on. The 3rd woman also walks up to the man and asks him Have you ever
WhoTheTruck . 4y ago 0 What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo. + 5.7K Share ...
smaze381 4y ago . What does the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. + 4.1K Share ...
LaxStar40 4y ago e Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant?... Because Ken always came in another box + 9.5K Share ...
aloysiusmind 4y ago e Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there. + 9.4K Share ...
cooper284 E 4y ago Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals + 6K Share ...
IDidntParkHere 4y ago What do you call the sweat between 2 rednecks having sex? Relative humidity + 7.6K Share ...
MedonSirius 3y ago My alltime favorite: Three guys crash land on an island. Immediately they are captured by the indigenous tribal people. It becomes clear that these people are cannibals. The men beg for their lives, as anyone would. Through a bunch of hand-waving, drawing pictures in the sand, etc the men learn of a ritual the tribal people let prisoners perform in a chance to save their lives. First, the men are sent out into the jungle to collect 10 pieces of any fruit they find. So off they go. The first guy comes back with 10 oranges. The
nurfhearder Зу ago 3 old guys die on Christmas eve and arrive at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter welcomes them to step forward and says, gentlemen, since it's Christmas Eve, I have special VIP passes to all the extra good stuff in heaven. All you need to do to get your own is show me something Christmas related on your way in The first guy pulls out his car keys, jingles them and says, these are Christmas bells Saint Peter says great, come on in and here is your VIP pass the second guy whips out a lighter, flicks it
 3y ago This is so minor and silly but someone told me this once and I about died. We had met and were like four jokes in when he said okay okay, I got one. Do you know the difference between a Caesar salad and a blowjob?? Obviously I said no, and he laughed a little and just said In that case, can I take you out to lunch!? + 6.8K Share ...
 3y ago E A customer walks up to an employee at GNC. You won't believe this, there's a man over there sticking his penis in a container of protein powder! The employee looks over and yells No fucking whey! + 4.3K Share ...
EBFG493 3y ago . Two nuns riding their bicycles down a cobblestone road. One looks around and says to the other, I don't think I've ever come this way before. The other looks at her and says, must be the cobblestones. + 4.7K Share ...
Amangiechsin 3y ago My wife went into a coma. The doctor said to me, There's a way to wake her up but it's a little unconventional: you go in there and have oral sex with her. I've seen it work. I said, Well, I'm willing to try. So I go in there for about five minutes and then come out and say, Doc, she's choking! from the ever wonderful and unfortunately late Norm Macdonald. 112 Share ...

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