35 of the Funniest Conversations Overheard by Bartenders

‘You need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother’
35 of the Funniest Conversations Overheard by Bartenders

To be fair, it’s not difficult to overhear a conversation between two drunk people, and it barely counts as eavesdropping to listen in on what they’re discussing. Chances are, everyone in the immediate vicinity has tuned in to hear whatever the inebriated people are belligerently arguing about. Which is why, when a bartender asked their fellow drink slingers to chime in with the funniest conversations they’ve overheard, there was no shortage of answers. From bros professing their love for one another to a murder confession, these are the funniest and most memorable discussions overheard at a bar.

AHOY goosebiz . 5y Guy: I think I'm going to need a coke chaser for this one. Girl, presumably SO: we already did all the coke... Guy: Coca Cola, you idiot! Not even the most memorable, just the most recent. For sure, a real snapshot into their relationship. ... 3.6k
TubeOfPuddingJr - 5 5y Had someone yell RIP Olivia Newton John and I interjected that she wasn't dead. Big mistake. Drunk idiot got on one of those drunk loops about how I was wrong until we closed 20 min later. I even showed him on my phone that she wasn't dead and he said you can google anything.
I IndiEstructibleProd . 5y P Two businessmen having after work drinks on a Friday, where the conversation built up to one of the sweetest sentiments I've heard. At first the usual Lemme tell ya, you're a good person. I love you man. Later on (still fairly basic): Fuck the wives! Hey, you and me, we buy motorcycles! To finally this gem: If a tornado were to blow you away... I would fly after you. ... 14.1k
I_Am_Tyler_Durden . 5y Overheard a man describe how he killed two people in the 80s and too many other details I have been trying to forget for ten years. ... 433
SoLittleAnswers18 . 5y These siblings (aged 50-60's) arguing over their (not even dead and in fact present at the table) mother's will and who gets what. It ended in a heated argument and the son speeding off. ... 25.5k
starskys-hutch . 5y Even though we were busy, I clearly heard a women say to her friend, Hey look, the bartender's really cute. Friend: No he's not! Response: Oh yeah, you're right. ... 12.7k
youbetchamom . . 5y I overheard a guy telling his friend that he was going to have sex with that bartender (pointing to me). Не proceeded to say, she might not be there, but I am still going to have sex with her.
prhymetime87.5 5y Had a husband and wife who were by far the most rude people I've ever encountered. Talking with a traveling business man. By the end of the night the business man was propositioning the woman to go back to his hotel room for some money. The husband responded for $500.00 you can let him have anal. ... 3.5k
dafatbunny2 . 5y I worked in a bar in a truck stop & we got lots of solo men. Guy on bar stool says The government can track our every move. Now they're putting chips in newborns right at the hospital. The trucker next to him-who he just met-shakes his head and says, Yeah, I know. Both were serious as could be and talked with each other about how the world is messed up. (It was the 2nd truckers response that got me). ... 12.4k
6harvard . 5y One time I walked out to the patio to have a smoke break into three people all talking very drunkenly but also very seriously about theoretical physics. Edit: If anyone is worried it was them it happened in Dayton, Ohio ... 6.5k
littleredhoodlum 5y I've heard discussions on if my boobs were real. Listened to a couple in an open marriage and apparently bi sexual scout out the picking for the evening. Listened to tons of people telling their so that they were working late. One guy even met a date later. Listened to a couple have a very intense whispered argument about custody. I assumed a kid. Turned out to be a cat. Listened to a couple guys plan how to rob me. Bartending was fun I miss it sometimes. ... 21k
BigHunt760 . 5 5y I work at a wine bar. A couple is sitting there and the girl basically yells at the guy Stop staring at my calf! People are starting to think we're weird! I just kept polishing glasses and walked away ... 482
e 5y Bar was pretty quiet on a week night. Girl in her 20s comes in by herself and has a few drinks. A guy around her age shortly follows. An hour or so later the two had engaged in some serious BDSM talk. At this point the liquor was flowing and I don't think they cared if I heard. Last time I saw them they were leaving to her apartment for him to get his balls crushed by her high heels (this was a quote from both of them in a non joking way). I hope his nuts
bonvoyageespionage. 5y Was visiting my mom at work once (she tends bar) and heard her making conversation across the bar with a patron. Suddenly, over the music, I hear the guy slam his fist onto the bar and yell YOU... ARE FACTUALLY... WRONG. Не immediately faceplanted on the bar, and his buddy had to carry him out of there. My mom was just commenting on the fact that the song that was playing was country... ... 7.5k
Dyslexicfetus . 5y These three middle aged women (alone at the bar) discussing in excruciating detail their sexual fantasies, which seemed to include sucking off a younger man. I was 22 at the time. They obviously knew I could hear them but it was so awkward. I stood there cutting the hell out of lemons and limes. ... 17.2k
r/PLACE 93devil . 5y Back when you kept a news paper on the bar... Guy walks in and goes straight for the paper. Looks in one section then the other. Places paper down. I asked him if he found what he was looking for, and he said no. His ex isn't dead or in jail. Then he asked for a beer. ... 24.2k
makemesmile92 . 5y Once this older couple (55 ish) were talking about their bedroom problems. The guy clearly had impotence issues and the lady kept complaining that she was feeling frustrated because he was frustrated. And viagra wasn't really helping, or at least not helping enough. Let's just say that other people around them weren't as comfortable as them about the conversation. ... 14.9k
guitarstix . . 5y You wont come home with me because I have a stinky pussy sob sob - Middle aged woman on a first date at like 7 O'Clock on a Wednesday. The guy was planning on going home with her until that i guess ... 10.8k
djbeesle . 5y I once listened to three people have an in depth discussion about how they were going to kill the local vampire and the steps to take to protect themselves from the coven that said vampire is surely from. My favorite though what a heated debate over whether the first Robin would be a crime fighter if Batman hadn't picked him up and trained him. ... 9.5k
woody29 . 5y Caveat they knew I heard them as they were sitting at the bar and I was the bartender. Three people come in together. Two guys and a girl. The bar was set up with mirrors on two sides and a walkway between them. One of the fellows asked me why he couldn't see himself in the mirror when he was sitting directly in front of the walkway. I gave him one of those side eyed glances, thinking to myself does he really want me to answer this question. Не kept looking at me questioningly. So I finally
TehLewLew . 5y Randomly overheard two middle aged women, 'as a woman ages she can choose between her face or her asshole, but she cant choose both' I have no idea ... 5.8k
Connie_Chungnuts . . 5y I hated myself until I discovered masturbation ... 4.3k
Bloodshot_Shadow . 5y I heard some chick say and the worse part about it, is that lucky bastard got a whole gram of crystal out it for free. ... 3.1k
uncomfortablesmile в 5y Was at a bar with my friend and all we heard was yeah he pissed me off so I ran him over. Still no idea what happened but I didn't want to inquire for obvious reasons ... 1.1k
- . 5y you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this ... 464
dumbnew10 . . 5y A woman was planning her dog's birthday party, and was debating which dogs to invite since some of the dogs didn't get along with her dog. ... 30.9k
1whiteguy . 5y you think they have those straws for sucking drinks in your butt here? ... 8k
Pigfanncy . 5y I had two people discussing if gimp suits where sexy or not the minute I cleared my throat in mid-sentence they switched to talking about the whiskey they were drinking. ... 1.9k
eb163 . 5y Not super hilarious but this one woman, probably late 30s, was basically screaming about anal for probably 20 straight minutes. ... 855
vierawarrior . 5y I've bartended but my favourite conversation was overhead while I was on the other side of the bar. Look all I'm saying is Grand Theft Auto severely ruined our generations perception of how many police helicopters exist Sounded like they were getting really heated over the matter haha ... 3.7k
AvgWhiteMale_AMA . 5y Three girls were talking about some guy one of them was hooking up with. Apparently the night before, she'd puked all over his dick. Still boned. Got alllll the details I never wanted. ... 12.5k
nickiscool88 . 5y I keep asking him to shoot it on my face, it's good for my skin! But he refuses, he says he doesn't want to disrespect me. But I'm literally begging! -1 was washing glasses right in front of these two girls at my bar. It wasn't even like I was far away across the bar. ... 11.1k
Boatdrnk32 . 5y I once heard a guy tell his buddy, It's fun, it's like laser tag but with real guns That was twenty years ago and to this day kick my self for not getting the whole story. ... 7.9k
. . 5y There'll be handcuffs, bagels and, streamers, my kind of party ... 2.2k
Nuremburger29 . . 5y A woman at a corporate event was explaining to 3 male coworkers how she loves the thrill attained from coke being snorted off her ass ... 23.8k

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?