35 of the Most Intellectual Jokes People Know

A doctorate in funny
35 of the Most Intellectual Jokes People Know

There are jokes you don’t get because they don’t make a lick of sense, and then there are jokes that your brain isn’t big enough to process. It’s where the complicated setups and calculated punchlines are too much for the common fella to comprehend but are a laugh riot amongst the doctoral class. 

The smart cookies of Reddit have shared some of the most intellectual jokes they know that play on homophones, toy with the elements and cite historical figures that only someone with tenure could love.

itsmehobnob 11y ago . An infinite number of Mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer and so on. After the 7th order the bartender pours 2 beers and says, you fellas ought to know your limits. + 3.7K ...
 11y ago . What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding. + 2.8K ...
schmucubrator e 11y ago e Know why Polish airlines only fill half of an airplane for each flight? Poles on the right half of the plane are unstable. + 2.2K ...
tracygav 0 11y ago e I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination. + 2.6K ...
Niflhe E 11y ago e What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? + 1.8K ...
double_positive 11y ago What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist? An etymologist knows the difference. + 2.9K ...
Gaywallet . 11y ago Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting? + 4.1K ...
adityapstar . 11y ago e How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. + 3.4K ...
 11y ago An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist are asked if a certain horse will win the race. The organic chemist asks what the horse has been eating and drugs given to it. The analytical chemist asks for the makeup of the track and mud. The physical chemist starts with If we assume that the horse is a sphere... 1.9K ...
JMorgasm 11y ago e A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies No I'm traveling light 1.9K ...
Arcadian5656 11y ago . A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the statistician yells We got 'em! 1.9K ...
Ilvack . 11y ago What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an en zyme. 2K ...
MrMag1c 11y ago An engineer and a physicist are lost in a hot air balloon drifting down a canyon somewhere. While the physicist is trying to use the angle of the sun to figure out how long they have to find help until night falls, the engineer shouts Hey! Where are we? A few hours later, they hear a voice, you're in a hot air balloon. The physicist then remarks that must have been a mathematician, Why? Because the answer was both completely correct yet entirely useless 2.2K ...
 11y ago I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it. 2.3K ...
the_breadlord . 11y ago . Edited 11y ago e Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now.
a_fat_panda . 11y ago o There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.
AdequateSteve 11y ago A young man is touring Harvard campus and decides to ask for directions on how to get to the library. Не finds a girl reading a book under a tree and says Excuse me, can you tell me where the library's at? She cringes and says You should never end a sentence with a preposition. The young man look confused for a second and replies, I'm sorry - can you tell me where the library's at... bitch? 2.7K ...
balloseater 11y ago Q: What does the В in Benoit В. Mandelbrot stand for? A: Benoit В. Mandelbrot. 2.7K ...
SpookeyStairs 11y ago A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything. + 2.7K ...
Erroneous_Rex 11y ago People often accuse me of stealing others jokes and being a plagiarist. Their words not mine... + 2.8K ...
Noobcube64 11y ago A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting outside of a bar when two men walk into the house across the road... Ten minutes later, three men walk out. The physicist looks confused and says There must an error in the measurements. The biologist retorts No, they must have reproduced! To which the mathematician says If one person goes inside, the house will be empty. + 2.8K ...
smickie 11y ago e There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off- by-one errors. + 2.9K ...
itzjamesftw 11y ago Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here. Не doesn't react. + 3.1K ...
 11y ago - Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not? Gödel replies, We can't know that because we're inside the joke. Chomsky says, Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong. 3.2K ...
Taldoable . 11y ago . Edited 11y ago . Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
phattmatt 11y ago Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. Не says to the waitress, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream. The waitress replies, I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk? 3.5K ...
jdefaver 11y ago . A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: So, is it a boy or a girl ? The logician replies: yes. + 3.6K ...
atthebuzzer 11y ago A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. You mean a martini? the bartender asks. The Roman replies, If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it! + 3.7K ...
android47 11y ago The programmer's wife tells him: Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. + 3.8K ...
Funmachine 11y ago . Edited 11y ago o 3 logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks Do all of you want a drink? The first logician says I don't know. The second logician says I don't know. The third logician says Yes!
 E 11y ago e It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. + 5.3K ...
phattmatt 11y ago . Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. Не says to the waitress, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream. The waitress replies, I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk? + 3.5K ...
balloseater 11y ago Q: What does the В in Benoit В. Mandelbrot stand for? A: Benoit В. Mandelbrot. + 2.7K ...
doomwaxer 11y ago Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? Не got off on technicality... + 1.4K ...
DrColdReality E 11y ago Two women walk into a bar, and talk about the Bechdel test. + 2.6K ...

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