35 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, October 21, 2024

Not even lasagna can heal all wounds
35 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, October 21, 2024

Marc Maron is ready to die for some recognition. The comedian and podcaster will headline the new meta-comedy In Memoriam, which follows a veteran actor who becomes hell-bent on securing a spot in the Oscar’s annual celebration of recently deceased stars following a terminal cancer diagnosis. The “heartfelt journey of self-exploration” will also star Lily Gladstone and Sharon Stone and will be directed by former Late Show with David Letterman head writer Rob Burnett, who also wrote the script.

Meanwhile, Martin Short will appear across from Jon Hamm in what’s sure to be a comedy master class — even if it only includes their voices. The Only Murders in the Building star is joining the cast of Fox’s Grimsburg as the department’s newest and youngest detective. The role will be Short’s first televised voiceover role since making an appearance on Big Mouth back in 2019.

Over on the timeline, our favorite Twitter comedians are letting their voices be heard loud and clear. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a scary reminder of the fleeting passage of time, the women longing to be emperors and a great day to be a horse.

Synexdoche @amor_fatti 17h ... papayajuan2019 Follow ... youre weirdly obsessed with finding meaning apas-95 Follow ... what do you mean by this 19.9K notes 34 6K 40K 524K
Stephanie @janefkndoe. 19h ... Found a book for you. Adrienne N. Hew, CN 50 WAYS TOEAT COCK Healthy Chicken Recipes with Balls! 105 1.4K 8.8K 546K
phoenix @phxforced. 1d held or seen? Ali Plumb @AliPlumb 7/9/19 Over your whole career, which interview questions are you proudest of? 1 14 Josh Horowitz Follow HAPPY SAD CONFUSED @joshuahorowitz | asked Matt Damon if he's ever seen Ben Affleck's penis. His response: held or seen? #journalism 15 1.3K 28K 517K
big content guy @bigcontentguy.20h i i dated a latina once and she very loudly yelled at me in buffalo wild wings 268 855 17K 644K
Captain Howdy @ColinYovng 19h ... How it feels to be in your 30s 55 1.2K 13K 349K
jame @kloogans. 17h silly putty is just putty to a sick fuck like me 8 1.9K 20K 361K
Please be potient I have dution Nugs @Nugjokes 18h ... When the door dasher picks up my order 88022 3:56 From Trump: | JUST LEFT MCDONALD'S 9 473 13K 286K
hannah a count @hannah_acc@unt. 21h getting dunked in olive oil & salt must feel good as hell for bread 74 1.1K 18K
James Line @jameslineky 15h if the founding fathers saw the sphere they'd die immediately VEGAS Las Vegas Locally @LasVegasLocally -1 1d The Sphere voted. Somebody call the Secretary of State. I VOTED 0:37 37 2.3K 84K 1.2M
miles @hexjo22.1 15h what are your pronouns girl i dont know 10 750 3.6K 54K
Mikasaurus | Alex Unknown @Mikasacus . 1d top 8 things i hate: 1) salt 2) garlic 3) mirrors 4) traffic 5) crosses 6) not being invited in 7) sunlight 8) wooden stakes 567 6.5K 84K 984K
Thah Mazikode @MazikodeThah - 9h ... This will never happen to me. I'm so serious Hollyn @sadlifeebro.2 2d I came to work. | completely forgot I am on leave 129 10K 53K 1.3M
Arif Felonious Munk Shahid @Felonious_m... . 17h ... my aunt used to say when my uncle's biracial children came over: WOOF CLITZER @ESPNFrankie • 17h Welp here comes the zebras 134 1.5K 15K 678K
horse @rllyhungryhorse - 6 6h amazing Pop Base @PopBase.14h Today is National Apple Day. 21 2.2K 24K 260K
Shasti @sh44sti.2 2h ... the girlies are turning into genghis khan @sonoreid . 3h the goal isn't gucci bags, it's acres of land 11 585 5.4K 98K
lauren al-gaib @saladmonkeyy 22h ... Mind you... Lady Raven has sold out shows, collabs with Parker Wayne and The Thinker, and brought down a serial k1ller crystal @dastmalchin 22h you're gonna die in 7 days 325 comments X Jake O'Brien 1d Ended that flop Lady Raven! Reply 2,968 View 33 replies 6 126 1.3K 35K
gale na @poisonjr . 21h ohh ok Wrong item scanned You scanned I Welgreens Walgreens Aspirin Low Aspirin 81 the FLR SOW DOLL Dose 81 mg Enteric 120 ENTERIC - COARE main Coated Tablets (120 ct) Customer requested teletgreens - Walgreens Aspirin Low Aspirin 81 LOW DOSE Dose 81 mg Enteric 120 INTERIO COANT Coated Tablets (120 ct) Scan again 45 617 38K 504K
brock @imjugga 16h update: we're dating. brock @imjugga a . 8/1/24 Yesterday 12:33 PM The way to win me over is cooking for me You liked Katherine's answer. Today 12:38 AM Start the chat with Katherine Today 12:45 AM would you like spaghetti or a hot pocket 3 8 757 18K
arne ness @arne__ness 11h lol Logang Paul Follow MZVV @notlogangpaul I eat Lunchly for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 8:04 PM 10/17/24 2.4M Views 307 340 368 63 Most relevant replies Logang Paul @notlogangpaul 18h People keep talking about mold, but is there a MZ video of a new Lunchly box being opened and there being mold in it? No 30 16 119 del 64K Logang Paul @notlogangpaul.88 stand corrected. There are videos but mziV hadn't seen them. Thanks. 32 34 207 37K 13 532 12K 172K
Tolly @tolly_t 8h helped a woman down the stairs with her pram. Me, her and the baby fell to the ground. It is well. X 299 3.7K 33K 911K
Ego Nwodim @eggy_boom . 3h Please don't invite me to a restaurant where the vibe is better than the food because babe, | can't eat the vibe. 44 718 3.8K 96K
GiveJoeaTinyDeskNow @Da_mirror91.4h ... Yall. November is next week. 2.4K 125K 14 5.7K
Beyoncé's Apprentice Fan Account @TrellBeyL... . 18h ... The dog Gripper @Tr3_GK. 1d Yall, I'm about to send this man to glory. Не used my Cécred to wash the dog!!! 109 5.2K 54K 2M
The webona devil @HeroineWannabe. 1d Being trans is a decision, Shadows decision. Kris Dobbins @krisdobbinsart.2d Fun fact: Shadow the Hedgehog has a special ability that lets him see future trans girls 85 8.3K 92K 1.4M
@RICKYRAGE. 16h ... ordered a cosmopolitan at the bar cc 0:09 From dick youngblood 2.9K 30K 552K 55
chris kreider respecter @jonmoxIeys 17h ... yankees world series tickets have ID Ready Please do not say TERI КАЗ Dammmmn - When you hear the price. OLD FLA 5750 POWERBALL S with | LOTTO TEXAS MONDAY FREE DRAWS!! 695 If you have a complaint about the sale or BUY 16 OR MORE OF service of alcoholic beverages in this establishment, Mariborn POWERBALL ON ONE TICKE GET ONE FREE BLACK oz POWERBALL QUICK PIC please contact the 25 1.2K 19K 568K
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@CowboysDubs- 15h Cowboys Dubs A map of who America is rooting for in the World Series: 4 LA Yankees Dodgers A meteor to strike 440 2.4K 31K 1.8M
ege @egeofanatolia.2h Went to gym for first time in years not knowing how anything works or how I'm supposed to use the machines so I spent half my time standing around like this POGEN'S Dest 7 2 152 del 2.9K
cash @spo9globoob.1 16h ... What if instead of crazy rich asians it was crazy thick asians 271 1.9K 41K 1.4M
libby @evenstvr. 16h actually nvm he's 88 and she's 2778 it's a bit weird dukhtar @tamarindric3 . 1d actually nvm she's 30 and he's 41 it's a bit weird 160 4.3K 86K 1.9M
sita @twilisita 21h ... crying at this sign at the grocery Dalhan SHINGAR CALIFORNIA I'M CLOSE O NOT LAKOR. 11 12K 209K 3.6M
natroyshka @imniceandsmart - 1d ... I hate a messy sandwich. You're fucking embarrassing me 119 9.1K 120K 2.1M
Spike R.I.P. Monster @spikermonster . dd ... the replies being that's a conventionally attractive troll are taking me tf out carol COMMS OPEN!! @carolzitaass 1d hes my biggest hear me out 81 2.5K 76K 1.2M
quiche @havingfunonIne 1d duality of a girl in her 20s 9:07 < Folders Notes I am angry at everything that's hap... 11/5/2023 Some days | feel like | don't ha... Lasagne tomorrow with salad 5/5/2023 No additional text 104 17K 111K 2.6M

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