26 Songs From Music History That Haven’t Aged Well

After reading these old lyrics, we really could use a shower
26 Songs From Music History That Haven’t Aged Well
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You’d think that after all these years, these musicians would give their problematic classics a rewrite. Canada did it with their national anthem, so maybe these music makers can take a page out of the Great White North’s book and scribble in a few updates. 

If these bands aren’t touring with these songs anymore, they can remain guilty pleasures of their grey-haired fans. If they’re still taking these ol’ tunes on the road, we suggest taking the Canadian route and giving the fans a few new lyrics to learn.

AC/DC Lyrics

Cringey lyrics from the '80s AC/DC Let Me Put My Love Into You Don't you struggle. Don't you fight. Don't you worry. 'Cause it's your turn tonight. If the title of the song wasn't cringey enough, they really doubled down with a good ol' take on consent in the '80s. CRACKED

Snow

CRACKED PURE BLACK PEOPLE, MAN, THAT'S ALL I MAN KNOW SNOW Dear white dudes: 1) Never say this under any circumstance. 2) Definitely not right before admitting you come from Toronto.

Beastie Boys

Cringey lyrics from the '80s The Beastie Boys Girls I asked her out, she said 'No way.' I should of probably guessed her gay. If a girl isn't into you, she must be gay! Lyrics for the fragile ego of the rejected bro. And it's have, Beastie Boys. You should have probably guessed that she is gay. CRACKED

Right Said Fred

CRACKED I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY CAT RIGHT SAID FRED BUDD PUK Never listen too closely to this song, which is really a bleak portrait of self-defeating narcissism, but this pet-owner relationship is even better left unexplored.

Dave Matthews

CRACKED HIKE UP YOUR SKIRT A LITTLE MORE AND SHOW YOUR WORLD TO ME DAVE MATTHEWS BAND A whole lot of us had formative middle school dance moments to a song about peeping tommery.

The Power Station

Cringey lyrics from the '80s The Power Station Some We want to multiply, Like It are you gonna do it? I know you're qualified, Hot are you gonna do it? Don't be so circumscribed, are you gonna do it? Don't be so what?! Ohhh... Circumscribed! Big word for a doin' it song. Well, your girl wants to do it, so are you gonna be a man, or are you gonna wuss-out, bro?! We know you've submitted documents that state you're qualified in this field. CRACKED

Guns N’ Roses

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Guns N' Roses One in a Million Racial and homophobic slurs that we'd care to not repeat. EXCLUSIVE - . - - N - DRUGA Sort fees shot of by WITH gong THE SHOCKII - - - - - GTO USED TO Elephant giv LOVE HER HE - - - One In A - - - - - - - Controversial even at the time, many questioned why Slash (who is half black) played on a song where Axl drops the worst possible word that begins with an N. CRACKED

Duran Duran

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Duran Duran Hungry Like the Wolf I smell like I sound. Music is subjective, so British pop/rock could sound (and smell) like all kinds of stuff. It was the '80s, so we're guessing hair spray and cocaine. CRACKED

The Police

Cringey lyrics from the '80s The Police De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da And when their eloquence escapes me, their logic ties me up and rapes me. Just before the profound De do do do, de da da da chorus, we get this rape lyric, which makes this singalong song not so singanlong-able. CRACKED

Foster the People

Pumped-Up Kicks FOSTER THE PEOPLE CRACKED.COM Kids in this song better run better run, faster than my bullet because yes, this ethereal tune that topped pop charts is about a school shooting.

Los Del Rio

The Macarena LOS DEL RIO CRACKED.COM The female singer gives he was out of town, and his two friends were so fine as a reason for why she cheated on her boyfriend.

Cherry Poppin’ Daddies

Zoot Suit Riot CHERRY POPPIN' DADDIES CRACKED.COM Now you sailors know where your women come for love says the singer of this 90s swing tune, referencing the real 1943 Zoot Suit Riots where Navy servicemen assaulted minorities.

Sublime

Wrong Way SUBLIME CRACKED.COM Everything was going fine till the day she met me, says the singer. Well you said earlier she was forced into prostitution by her awful family, so how much worse could it get?

The Killers

I swore I'd never let her go... How sweet. Brandon Flowers of The Killers must really love Jenny in their hit, Jenny Was a Friend of Mine. Except the full song is about him being investigated by the police after Jenny's disappearance... She couldn 't scream while ...perhaps I held her close, understandably. I swore I'd never let her go CRACKED.COM

Lou Christie

mono M-G-M LIGHTNIN' 1000 PLATING ar STRIKES LOU CHRISTIE Every boy wants a girl Не can trust to the very end Baby, that's you Won't you wait but 'til then When I see lips beggin' to be kissed / can't stop I can't stop myself Lou Christie preaches true love to his girlfriend and begs her to be okay with him sleeping around. But she has to be loyal to him, because no man likes a cheating whore, right? CRACKED.COM

Elvis

YEAH NOW USTEN TO ME, BABY TRY TO UNDERSTAND I'D RATHER SEE YOU DEAD, LITTLE GIR THAN BE WITH ANOTHER MAN NOW BABY COME BACK, BABY, COME COME BACK, BABY, COME COME BACK, BABY I WANNA PLAY HOUSE WITH YOU LETS PLAY HOUSE ELVIS PRES CRACKED COM

Neil Diamond

Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon by Neil Diamond In this 1967 song, Neil Diamond is counting down the days until this girl becomes legal. Keep in mind, he was 26 at the time. I've been misunderstood For all of my life But what they're sayin' Girl, just cuts like a knife The boy's no good. Girl, you'll be a woman soon Please, come take my hand Girl, you'll be a woman soon Soon you'll need a man. 11 8 7 6 16 17 18 19 15 14 24 25 26 GRACKED.COM 13 33

Benny Mardones

If I could fly, I'd pick you up. I'd take you into the night and show you a love like you've never seen. Benny Mardones sounds like a hopeless romantic in his 1980 hit Into The Night. Except the song begins with the line She's just 16 years old leave her alone, they say. AMBER ALERT CRACKED.COM

Aaliyah

Age ain't nothing but a number by Aaliyah included the lines Throwing down ain't nothing but a thing. Take my hand and come with me, let me show you to ecstasy. & Tonight we're gonna go all the way. Aaliyah's age when she released the song? FIFTEEN! use Cherry good The song's writer? adidas A 26 year old... FOR RU Cherry Named R. Kelly! GRACKED.COM

Roy Orbison

CRACKED.COM I Drove All Night by Roy Orbison Roy Orbison is willing to drive all night to get to the one he loves. THAT'S SWEET. The problem is, when he gets there he basically forces himself on his lover. I drove all night to get to you Is that all right? I drove all night, crept in your room Woke you from your sleep to make love to you Is that all right? I drove all night.

Weezer

Weezer's lead singer Rivers Cuomo wrote Across The Sea after he recieved a fan letter from a girl in Japan. The song starts off innocent enough. You are: Eighteen year-old girl/ Who lives in a small city in Japan/ And you heard me on the radio about one year ago/ and you wanted to know all about me/ and my hobbies/ my favorite food/ and my birthday. Then it gets creepy. So fragile, so refined/ So I sniff and lick your envelope/ And I fall to little pieces/ Everytime I wonder what clothes you wear to school/ I wonder how

Motley Crue

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Mötley Crüe Shout at the Devil He'll be the blood in your eyes. He'll be the blood between your thighs. When stating all the things the devil is, or will be, Mötley Crüe gets very Old Testament by implying the devil has something to do with menstruation. CRACKED

Wang Chung

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Wang Chung WANG Dance chung Hall Days dance hall days Take your baby by the hand and make her do a high handstand. Take your baby by the heel and do the next thing that you feel. Ooh, a choose-your-own-adventure! The entire song belongs here. CRACKED

Poison

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Poison I Want Action I can't wait to get my hands on them. I won't give up until they give in. If I can't have her, I'll take her and make her. You're gonna make her, Bret Michaels? Well, no means no, Bret Michaels! We'd say this didn't age well, but it wasn't acceptable back then (or ever!). CRACKED

The Boss

Blinded by the Light In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat. Eeeeewwwwwww! And you thought I was going to say something about being wrapped up like a douche. GRACKED.COM

The Fresh Prince

Cringey lyrics from the '80s DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince Parents Just Don't Understand And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far. I almost had a heart attack that day. Come to find out the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway. Will Smith was 20 when this was released, and even if the song was about his younger self, he picks up this girl while driving his car. Do we need to keep listing reasons this is problematic?! CRACKED

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