20 Jokes That Are Just Flat-Out Mean

People needed skin grafts after these third-degree burns
20 Jokes That Are Just Flat-Out Mean
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Every time we think we’d like to be the subject of a roast, we take a look at a Comedy Central Roast and abandon that idea completely. We’re gluttons for punishment when it comes to stomachaches from slamming junk food while watching those roasts, but not when it comes to public humiliation. 

Yep, our crumb-coated life in the shadows is A-OK with us!

Bill Hicks

COMEDY NERD CD I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?' Bill Hicks

Shaq

Jeff Ross Got A Body Like A Cafeteria Lady.

Bo Burnham

Bo Burnham CRACKED.COM Oh THAT'S how it works. For 15 cents a day you can feed an African. They eat pennies.

Sarah Silverman

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM I can't wait till Sunday. I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece. Sarah Silverman

Dave Attell

CRACKED DAVE ATTELL Remember when you were young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Bo Burnham (Again)

A Haiku My aunt used to say, Slow and steady wins the race. She died in a fire.

Jeff Ross

Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff. O The only difference between Hasselhoff and Hitler, at least Hitler knew when his career was over. UEFF ROSS- CRACKED.COM

Jeff Ross (Yet Again)

You are the king Joffrey of pop. -Jeff Ross, Comedy Central Justin Bieber Roast GRACKED.COM

Sarah Silverman (Once More)

SARAH SILVERMAN Despite roles on both SNL and Mr. Show in the 90s, Sarah Silverman was never front and center. She began getting the attention she deserved after a killer takedown at Hugh Hefner's roast. Hugh Hefner. A living legend, and look at your girlfriends-so beautiful. When are you going get serious? You know one day you might want one of them changing diapers. I mean if it gets too hard to do it yourself. CRACKED.COM

Amy Schumer

Mike Tyson rudely heckled Amy Schumer while she was performing at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen. She responded by ROAST CHFRLIE jokingly a

Whitney Cummings

WHITNEY CUMMINGS Cummings was not well known outside of stand-up circles before her roast appearances. Her perf at the Joan Rivers roast led to Comedy Central specials and her own sitcom. Joan Rivers has done some TV. I recently saw her vagina on an episode of The Deadliest Catch. CRACKED.COM

Nikki Glaser

NIKKI GLASER Ann Coulter was literally shaking as Glaser tore into the pundit during Rob Lowe's roast. Ann Coulter has written 11 books. Twelve if you count Mein Kampf. It was the first time that I had experienced this thing where I write all these mean jokes and then I get there and I forget that they are going to be sitting there when I say it. CRACKED.COM

Natasha Leggero

NATASHA LEGGERO Like other comics before her, Leggero turned a viciously funny set into a development deal. She landed some great blows when comedy punching bag Justin Bleber was on the dais. Justin, Selena Gomez had to you. She's literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history. CRACKED.COM

Hannibal Buress

HANNIBAL BURESS Buress got the most mileage out of a brutal Bieber joke that got cut from the show, tweeting it out for maximum effect. They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don't like you at all, man. I'm just here because it's a real good opportunity for me. Actually you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likable in the public eye. And I hope it doesn't work. CRACKED.COM

Lisa Lampanelli

LISA LAMPANELLI Lampanelli broke through to the mainstream after her appearance on the Pam Anderson roast. She has dated Scott Baio, the singer from Poison and the drummer from Motley Crue. Her life story should be a show on VH1 called 'I ed the 80s'. I still don't know anyone who goes deeper or harder than she does, says Jeff Ross. CRACKED.COM

Greg Giraldo

GREG GIRALDO Giraldo's obituary noted that he was most loved for his appearances on celebrity roasts. Не was practically a series regular, taking hilarious shots at Pam Anderson, Bill Shatner, Larry the Cable Guy, and the humor-impaired Chevy Chase. You've made 40 movies, and Al Franken is the biggest movie star who showed up. An O.J. roast would have had more star power! CRACKED.COM

Anthony Jeselnik

ANTHONY JESELNIK Jeselnik's trademark black humor made him a perfect candidate for roast excellence. Не brought out the sharp knives for the Comedy Central roast of the already imploding Charlie Sheen. The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox. CRACKED.COM

Amy Schumer (One More Time)

AMY SCHUMER After her vicious takedown of Charlie Sheen, Schumer got her own Comedy Central hour special. Charlie you get a bad rap, but you're just like Bruce Willis. You were big in the '80s and now your old slot's being filled with Ashton Kutcher. The performance and special eventually led to her teaming up with Judd Apatow for her feature film Trainwreck. CRACKED COM

Gilbert Gottfried

Take it easy on Seth MacFarlane. It's gotta be hard for him to do a roast, especially because The Simpsons haven't done it yet.

Nikki Glaser (Again)

looks to me like if a marionette became a boy and then that boy became an a**hole. Не was so hot in Fight Club... when he was Brad Pitt.

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