25 Off-the-Cuff Ways People Avoided Embarrassment

‘So, I tried a somersault’
25 Off-the-Cuff Ways People Avoided Embarrassment

There’s about a split-second standing between you and a potentially embarrassing moment that could haunt you for the rest of your life. Yet, as impossible as it seems, some people have managed to grab hold of that sliver of time and bend it to their will, preventing chaos from unraveling life as they knew it. 

One Redditor shared the quick thinking that kept him from spending a night on the couch. He was reminiscing with his wife about something that he mistakenly remembered as a shared experience between the two of them. With no recollection of this moment, his wife responded, “I assume that was with one of your ex-girlfriends.” 

Brutal! 

That said, he didn’t let any time pass before he passed off a quote from a TV show as one of his own: “I’m sorry. I just assume all my happy memories are with you.” 

One small victory for husbands everywhere.  

Other Redditors have described the off-the-cuff ways they’ve narrowly avoided something catastrophic, including someone who turned piss into lemonade, a little well-utilized homophobia and a daring escape maneuver using the Cha Cha Slide.

IThinkitsFunny 14y ago This guy i was dating in high school brought a bottle of rum and coke(in a coke bottle) to class. We were sharing it and this kid sitting in front of me tried to casually take a drink(he was unaware of the alcohol content). I acted really pissed and grabbed it from him exclaiming it was MY drink and how dare he take it. The teacher even defended me and no one was the wiser. First and last time i got drunk in school. 2 ...
14y ago I went to a school that was mainly guys, and tripped and fell in front of like three classes. My sunglasses went flying off my head, I skinned my hands and knees. Everybody was staring. I jumped up like I was doing the floor routine in the gymnastics, threw my hands up and yelled 10 for a perfect landing! If you laugh at yourself, people don't really know what to do. 3 ...
xanj 14y ago . hah once in high school i was derping around minding my own biz then a group of jocks start chasing me for no reason so i book it to where a bunch of people hang out for lunch and yelled help the gays are chasing me. they stoped dead in their tracks. 3 ...
wickawickawhat 14y ago Im at a friends news years party when I go upstairs to us the bathroom. Being pretty drunk I don't take my sex organ all the out and before I have time, I've peed my pants. Shocked and appalled I tried to dry the huge wet mark from my khaki shorts, however khaki shorts seem to retain spills very well. Not knowing what to do I walked downstairs. Taking a quick recon of the area i hurried to the vacant drink table without anyone seeing I pissed all over myself. After pouring myself a drink I looked
14y ago I (f) had a buddy (m) who who get shit faced drunk nightly, but always seemed to pull a good looking girl. Problem was, the next morning after he pretended to be asleep long enough for them to leave, he never remembered their name. We use to go out almost every night so when the girls would come talk to him, I always saved his ass with, Hey (if I knew her name), didn't we just see you last thursday? Did you change your hair? Letting him know what night they went out and knowing DAMN well
appointment_at_1_am 14y ago An attempt to rob me, I open my wallet show them nothing is in it, they let me go. My wallet was seperated in 2 compartments, one of them was empty 5 ...
dzank97 14y ago 12, watching porn in my basement when I hear my brother coming down the stars. Me, of course without pants on, puts laptop with porn still playing, on the table in the middle of the room. I then hide behind the counter. Brother sees the porn, grabs the laptop and takes it to his room. Moments later I pop out from behind the counter. put my pants back on and play some xbox... 6 ...
14y ago So I'm at this party, and everyone is wasted. The cops end up knocking on the door, it has that distinct sound. I can even hear them barging in while I'm in the bathroom. All the while I'm trying to find a way to avoid getting hauled off with the rest. Act sober, Act sober, Act sober, fuck that, play dead. I lay in the tub, eye's closed, no shirt on, spilling my beer. Moments later they barge through the door, I can still remember the lights flickering. I heard, I think you need to check on
piratebooty420 14y ago Once when I was waitressing a family came in and there were 3 people 2 adults and one very very short female who I assumed was a child. So I went to seat them and asked how many and they answered that they had 3 plus someone that would be in but was in the hall playing the arcade games, next I looked at the very short female and asked Do you need any kids menus? The mother instantly got very offended and started yelling that her daughter was 28 and asking to see a manager. I
14y ago When I was 19 I went to Disney with my family. I was with my brothers, sister, and sister in laws, all of whom were over 21. We were hanging out in some lame club one night in downtown Disney. I was drunk and I had a drink in my hand with a makeshift drinking bracelet that I had found on the floor. I am a tall skinny dork and I had managed to start dancing with a girl I would consider a 10 out of 10. I feel a strong grasp on my shoulder while I
14y ago In case you can't tell by my username, my last name is Rucker. So there's this girl whom I hate with a fiery passion, and one day in 9th grade algebra she decides to make it known to the class, Hey, guys, if you change the R to an F in Lauren's name, it would be FUCKER!. Usually I'm embarrassed by it, but instead I turned to her calmly and said, Oh good job! You're a little late though, everyone else figured that out about five years ago. Everyone ended up laughing with me instead of at
stirling_archer 14y ago . Some juiced up guy approached me on the street in the middle of the day carrying an armful of Calvin Klein colognes and threatens to stab me if I don't give him my wallet and phone. I just said You don't have a knife, he handed me one of the colognes and ran off. 42 ...
WrigglingJet 14y ago Team building retreat for college, way out in Welsh mountains. We're rock climbing, kayaking, all that good stuff. This one day we all suit up in ridiculous red jumpsuits and go climb a big ass fuckin mountain. On the way down, I decide, in front of my new found friends, that it would be a lot easier to run down the hill than to slowly walk. It was grassy, so not so bad. I start to run, all the time shouting lol lol lol lol, I go faster and faster, until I lose my footing, trip, forward
TruckerBunny 14y ago I was sending a text to a co-worker about my jerk of a boss. I texted Tim totally pisses me off then sent it- to TIM. I immediately catch it and wrote That's right Tim, I'm talking to you, I'm pissed you are not here to get us through the day with your hilarious jokes!. Either way he wrote back Lol! I'll have some good ones on Monday! ASS= Saved + 76 ...
eldred2 14y ago . I was attending a funeral for a family member of my wife's. At one point I was cornered by my wife's aunt and her two sisters (all at least 20 years my senior). I don't recall how the conversation went up until then, but at one point I was asked, Which one of us would you say is the oldest. to which I replied, Obviously, I am. 189 ...
thafezz 14y ago This actually happened a few weeks ago. I was at a bar talking to these two girls I know. Next to them was this huge guy who had previously been talking to them non-stop about how great he was, etc, etc.. blah blah. The girls were telling me ( while he was standing next to them, talking to some other girl out of ear shot) that someone should stick a blow dart in him. I made a gesture in his direction, of shooting a blow dart (fist, up to mouth, blowing). When I did that, he turned and saw
14y ago Was working at a call center that sold electronics to credit card reward points users, I was in the middle of talking up a Panasonic Lumix camera to a lady on the phone when i accidentily let slip a fuckin - fuckin good camera i was in the middle of saying, to my horror - but saved it by turning it into if i can if i can tell you about... - when i got off that call - after selling the camera, the dude next to me cracked up and said pro save. 173 ...
happymaan 14y ago Once when I was doing something not legal, which involved using a fake ID, they asked for a second form of identification. I told them I only had my ATM card, which doesn't have my name. They said that would be okay, so they wrote down the number from my ATM card. So I was kinda screwed, cause they could them use that number to find me. When the guy turned his back though I took the form where he wrote my card # down, and turned one of the 7's he wrote into and 8, so
FunGal_in_SoCal 14y ago . Edited 14y ago I was walking in the park once. Some asshole dog owner left their dog's shit on the walkway. I stepped in it as I walked and my foot slipped forward. Being the nimble person I am, I went into a deep lunge, popped up and continued on my way. Thinking to myself, fall with grace, rise with dignity. Now, I live by that little slogan created because of dogshit.
MajorNoodles 14y ago On my first day of track practice in 8th grade, it was raining, so we were doing laps inside the school (it was payed out like a rectangle). On one lap, there were three girls walking side-by-side-by-side through the hallway. I tried to go between one of them and the wall. I tripped. She probably tripped me. So, I tried a somersault. Somehow, I actually pulled it off, and once I was back on my feet, I kept running. Never even stopped moving. + 755 ...
ErisHeiress 14y ago Edited 14y ago Just after high school, when I was still pretty flat-chested and didn't have much in the way of curves, I was wandering the mall... like ya do. I'm suddenly hit with the overwhelming urge to use the restroom. This particular mall only had restrooms at either end, and I was in the middle. By the time I make it to the end of the mall, I was too preoccupied with not soiling myself and mistakenly walked into the men's room. Didn't realize this until I saw the urinals on the wall, but the place
APoliteAsian 14y ago When I was about 12 I had a Diamondback bicycle that I would ride to school daily. One day after school got out and I was walking back to my bike I realized that I had lost my bike lock key. As I was nearing the bike racks I see a particular group of boys walk with MY goddamn bike (they had been eyeing it for a while), and I just walked up to them, took my bike, and said Oh hey thanks for getting this out for me, I lost my key so I was really
Creabhain 14y ago I once reminesed with my wife about a time and place in the mistaken belief that it was a shared experience. When she said I assume that was with one of your ex-gfs I remembered a quote from TV and said I'm sorry, I just assume all my happy memories were with you. + 179 ...
notjawn 14y ago . I met this girl and we really hit it off but for the life of me I couldn't remember her name. When I asked for her number I said So.. should I just put you down as beautiful? She laughed and said. No. Silly, Sarah is fine. + 1.2K ...
lemongrove 14y ago My mom is usually a very foot-in-mouth type person, so this was a particularly fantastic moment for her. We were at one of her cousin's kids christening parties and the DJ was just every terrible block party/sweet sixteen/wedding/bar mitzvah rolled into one -- a complete and utter undancable, corny playlist going on for hours at an intolerably high volume. You know, one of those all-disco-all- the-time events? My mom had been up and around chatting with other people from the family when she came back to our table, flopped down in a seat, head in hands and

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