35 of the Funniest ‘A Guy Walks Into a Bar’ Jokes

‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits’
35 of the Funniest ‘A Guy Walks Into a Bar’ Jokes

Though man has been walking into a bar since the dawn of time, you never know what he’s going to get up to once he’s in there. Thus, the popular joke construction has endured for centuries, making the bar a magical place where damn near anything can happen. 

One Redditor told their favorite variant of the joke, and it goes like this:

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. When the barman serves it up, he takes it out to the bench in front of the bar to drink it. As he's enjoying his drink, a nun walks by, and glares at him sourly. 

“How can you pollute your soul with the Devil’s drink like that?” she asks.

The man shrugs. “It’s not the Devil, it’s just whiskey.”

“But it’s sinful and wicked!”

“How do you know it’s so bad, then? Have you ever tasted whiskey?”

“Of course not! My sisters and mother superior told me how evil the drink is.”

“But how do they know? Have they ever had a drink?”

They go back and forth like this for a while, before at last, the nun relents: “Well, I suppose that if I were to try a sip of whiskey, I would better understand how it corrupts the soul. But it wouldn’t do for any of my sisters to come by here and see me drinking. Could you order me one in a teacup?”

The man agrees this is fair, and walks inside to the barman.

“Two whiskeys, but put one in a teacup, please.”

The barman slams his hand down on the bar and shouts, “Is that damn nun here again!?!?”

Other Redditors have shared their favorite jokes that involve someone walking into a bar, and one thing’s for certain — this is the joke setup that will never die.

 1y ago . Edited 1y ago . Snail walks into a bar and orders a drink, bartender says we don't serve your kind and throws him out the door. Two weeks later the same snail comes back and says to the bartender what the hell was that for? + Share 46 Reply ...
Vibekindddd 1y ago A murderer, a wife-beater, and a liar walks into the bar. The bartender says, What'll you be having, Officer? + 3 Reply Share ...
unbelizeable1 0 1y ago Top 5% Commenter Termite walks into a saloon and asks hey, is your bar tender here? + 58 Reply Share ...
Wrong_Answer_Willie 5y ago two American soldiers were stationed in Germany. they go to a pub. they ask the bartender for 2 Natural light beers. the bartender says, we don't serve imported beer just domestic. so the soldiers say, well, just bring us the closest thing you have to an American beer. so the bartender brings them 2 glasses of water. 74 ...
StormyKnight63 5y ago a shetland pony walks into a bar. Bartender asks, What'll you have? The pony whispers, I'll have a whisky. ok says the bartender, but why are you whispering? The pony says, I'm a little horse. 133 ...
Rykoudon 5y ago - Quasimodo walks into a bar. The barman asks what would you like? Quasimodo replies I'll have a glass of whiskey The barman asks Bell's alright? Не says mind your own fucking business. 86 ...
Zeredex . 5y ago 0 Sorry we don't serve time Travelers. A time traveler walks into a bar 84 ...
R_u_having_fun_yet . 5y ago . guy walks into a bar and asks for fruitpunch bartender says sure just get in line the guy looks over and get confused cause theres no punchline 79 ...
zaraishu 5y ago A cowboy walks into a bar, announcing himself to the patrons: My name's Texas Bill. Then another cowboy enters the bar: They call me Missouri Bill. After that, a cowboy with three legs, eight arms and two heads comes into the bar: I'm Cherno Bill. 42 ...
AquaRegia g 5y ago A man walks into a bar, passes it, and walks out a lawyer. 146 ...
NotLegallyBinding 5y ago Three logicians walk into a bar. Bartender asks you guys want a beer? The first says I don't know. The second says I don't know. The third says yes! + 148 ...
 5y ago C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender, upon seeing them, says sorry, we don't serve minors. + 588 ...
bomgav 5y ago A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot. I'm celebrating my first blow job! Не says to the bartender. Congratulations, says the bartender, Here, have another one on the house. No thanks, the man declines, If the first one didn't get the taste out of my mouth, the second one won't either. + 547 ...
gemgirlkay . 5y ago The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense. + 865 ...
perfectly_numb 5y ago Guy walks into a bar, grabs a seat and orders a whiskey double, neat. The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over. The gentleman reaches into his blazer searching frantically. This catches the bartenders attention so he monitors the patron out the corner of his eye. Finally the man finds what he's looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. Не pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. The perplexed bartender grabs his attention I'm terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty? To which the man replies surprised
 5y ago A man walks into a bar and sits down, and orders a drink. Bartender says I'm sorry sir, you already seem very drunk, I cannot serve you. Guy gets up and leaves. A few minutes later, he comes in again, sits down at the bar and tries ordering another drink. I'm sorry sir, but I cannot serve you because you already seem drunk. Please leave, Guy gets up, grunts and wanders off again through the same exit. Another few minutes goes by and the same guy comes back in, sits down and tries to order yet another
perfectly_numb . 5y ago A horse walks into a bar, The bartender says, Hey! The horse replies, Sure. 1.1K ...
siphonsoul . 5y ago e A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says A beer please! And one for the road! 1.2K ...
kitskill 5y ago e A giraffe walks into a bar. Has a few drinks. Has a few more and passes out on the floor. Then a zebra walks into the the bar, sees the giraffe and asks the bartender, What's that lyin' there? The bartender replies: That's no lion that's a giraffe. + 656 ...
perfectly_numb E 5y ago e A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem Не tells the bartender,Give me 2 shots of... The bartender cuts him off saying,You only get 1 shot. 1.4K ...
Portarossa 5y ago Edited 5y ago An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Moldovan, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy, a Laotian, a Vietnamese guy, a Cambodian, a North Korean, a South Korean, an American, a Mexican, a Canadian, a Brazilian, an Australian, a New Zealander, a South African, a Libyan, a Moroccan, a Spaniard and
sprossss 5y ago Argon walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender shouts, We don't serve noble gasses here! Argon doesn't react. + 3.8K ...
deadeye_jb 5y ago A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. Не went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?! he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by
booksoverppl . 5y ago e A ghost walks into a bar, the bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve spirits. + 8.6K ...
cuttlefishcrossbow 5y ago A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. When the barman serves it up, he takes it out to the bench in front of the bar to drink it. As he's enjoying his drink, a nun walks by, and glares at him sourly. How can you pollute your soul with the Devil's drink like that? she asks. The man shrugs. It's not the Devil, it's just whiskey. But it's sinful and wicked! How do you know it's so bad, then? Have you ever tasted whiskey? Of course not! My sisters and mother superior told me
Wafybould . 5y ago e A blind man walks into a bar, then a table, then a chair + 15K ...
ASkye23 5y ago An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... Не finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The
CarsonFijal 5y ago Edited 5y ago A man walks into a bar, orders a drink. Downs it really quickly. Orders another. Downs that one too. The bartender says Hey, buddy, are you okay? The man says No, honestly, I'm not. I wanted to surprise my wife, and... I caught her in bed with another man. The bartender says Oh, man, that's awful! What are you going to do? The man: I'm gonna drink myself to death. I just want to die. Bartender: That's not what I'd do. If I caught another man with my wife, I'd kill the bastard. The
Mysid 5y ago Edited 5y ago An Irishman walks into a bar in New York City and orders three pints of beer. Не drinks each one in turn, and walks out. The next night he returns, and again orders three pints of beer, and then again the next night. The bartender offers to serve them consecutively so they won't go flat, but the Irishman explains, I'd rather see them all lined up before me. I left two brothers behind in Ireland, and since we used to meet at the pub every night and have a pint together, I feel closer
UltimateKoffing 5y ago Edited 5y ago A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. Не asks the bartender what's with the meat? The bartender says, If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go? The man takes another look at the meat, then says, I think I'll pass. The steaks are
phaedrusTHEghost 5y ago A grizzled old sea captain walks into a bar. Не has a wheel in-between his legs. The barman sees this and asks him, What's that between your legs? I can't be sure but it be driven me nuts! + 1.2K ...
erfling 5y ago A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. A minute later he hears You look great. Have you lost weight? Не looks around, but there's no one near. Again, a minute later, he hears You know, you don't look a day over 30. Looks around again, no one but him and the bartender, so he asks Did you hear that? The bartender says It's the peanuts. They're complimentary. + 733 ...
whomp1970 0 5y ago Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that was just a concidence, man. + 25K ...
Nihilikara 5y ago A man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke. Guy says Ok, so, a man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says 'I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke.' Guy says 'Ok, so, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. So the bartender gives him a drink.' So the bartender gives him a drink. So the bartender gives him a drink. + 279 ...
sadlyecstatic 9y ago . A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says You know, there's a drink named after you! The grasshopper says: There's a drink named Bob? 9 ...

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