30 Funny Ways People Faked Illness to Get Out of School
![30 Funny Ways People Faked Illness to Get Out of School](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/5/5/1115755_320x180.jpg)
Childhood is a period of time that tests one’s ability to commit to the bit. Whether it’s cringe phases or pulling pranks, fortitude is key. But the ultimate bit is successfully crafting an excuse to stay home from school. Sometimes this pays off in wondrous Ferris Bueller-esque ways. Other times, it can go completely sideways. Like with the Redditor who took a tiny bit of ipecac, thinking it would only make them “a little sick.” They ended up “non stop puking/dry heaving for 12 hours.” So while the end goal of not going to school was indeed accomplished, it was hardly worth it.
A number of other Redditors have raised their suspiciously clammy hands and recalled the times they committed to the too-sick-for-school bit, and wow, these people really hated learning.
![pdeezymyneezy 10y ago I faked sick one morning to get out of school, my dad wasnt buying it. Не checked my temp and sure enough im running a slight fever, fuck yeah, right? My dad is still convinced I am faking, which I totally was, so he takes me to the doctor. Dr. McAsshole comes in spouting off about this and that cracking jokes with my dad about skipping class, saying how i didnt look or sound sick. Не wanted to be sure so he tested me for the flu and some other stuff. Comes back to the room 20](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/2/4/1115724.jpg)
![Calbone607 4y ago 7th grade. didn't want to go to school to avoid an embarrassing group presentation. as soon as I woke up I went to the bathroom and tried to hold my breath to make my face look red and sick. ended up passing out and fell into the shower. didn't have to go to school after that lol. I was fine though 1 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/2/2/1115722.jpg)
![Monkeybradders . 3y ago Many times. Hanging upside down of the bed to sound like I have a cold 368 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/2/3/1115723.jpg)
![OriginalDoomSlayer . 4y ago The old stick the thermometer to the lightbulb. Little did I know, having a fever over 150 degrees Fahrenheit is not good 2 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/2/1/1115721.jpg)
![11y ago I wanted to miss school when I was in middle school so I dumped some food in the toilet, like apple sauce and some other chunky foods. My mom bought it, kind of. I think she suspected I was bullshitting but didn't feel like arguing about it. That's the best I got. 9 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/2/0/1115720.jpg)
![11y ago When I was 15 I convinced my mum to write me a note for the sports teacher telling him I couldn't play cricket on saturdays for the whole semester because I had a bowel condition. It was awesome. 8 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/9/1115719.jpg)
![RedPriestess 11y ago I used my mom's makeup to make my lips pale and under my eyes a little dark. 6 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/8/1115718.jpg)
![JackedUpKoala 11y ago I would drink milk, show up late for school(it was a military),forced to do an early morning jog. Directed to assembly line.Projectile vomit on the guy standing infront of me.THEN FREEEE DAAAYYY 11 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/7/1115717.jpg)
![StarbossTechnology 11y ago A college buddy went to the campus counseling services and told a counselor that he was hearing voices and he felt that his professors and classmates were out to get him. Не was able to take make up finals. 18 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/6/1115716.jpg)
![noodles22 11y ago As a kid I'd sit ontop of a heater vent before school. I'd go red in the face & become hot to touch. I quickly learnt Mum would think I had a temperature, and let me stay home. 19 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/5/1115715.jpg)
![thatniceguynoah . 11y ago I ate lemons and drank a half a gallon of milk to make my self vomit. It worked well. Also licked a toilet seat to try and get sick (not even faking, i just wanted to be sick) that didnt work and probably made me have a better immune system. Damn my healthy body 34 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/4/1115714.jpg)
![Boner_supreme os 11y ago Okay, so my school used to have vending machines next to our microwaves. I figured out if I hear up a cinnamon bun for a minute, eat it really fast in the luch room, and walk to the nurses with my mouth closed that my tempature would read between 100-103 degrees. I faked a fever 4 or 5 times thanks to cinnamon buns. 17 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/3/1115713.jpg)
![acouch e 11y ago The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom 35 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/1/1115711.jpg)
![youarenotthatugly 11y ago There was this one time I wanted to miss school so badly, I tried to make myself vomit. The problem is the finger down the throat thing doesn't work for me, so, I literally mixed up everything in the fridge ever (lemon juice, orange juice, milk, yoghurt, soy sauce, tomato sauce, Yakult, get the point) into a drink. It wasn't actually that bad... 72 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/0/1115710.jpg)
![onyxred . 13y ago I had a high school teacher that called a skipped school day a Mental Health Day. I told my Mom I wanted to take a Mental Health Day and thought she would get the joke. She signed me up for therapy. 196 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/9/1115709.jpg)
![13y ago I made fake spew once out if cereal, milk and a few other ingredients. I even warmed it up in the oven before throwing it on the floor. 90 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/1/2/1115712.jpg)
![GingerboyhasNoSoul 1y ago Yes many times. When I was 15, I didn't finish my math homework and I was scared to go to school the next day so I threw a big thick book on the floor so that my dad could hear it and I told my dad I slipped and fell and I couldn't walk lol 6 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/8/1115708.jpg)
![thisismynaem 1y ago I never faked but I struggled with migraines for awhile in middle school and sometimes I would purposely do things that could cause them so I could go home from school if I had a test I wasn't prepared for 2 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/7/1115707.jpg)
![KeeJahFah 11y ago One time I shat myself so my parents would think I had a stomach virus or something. Worked like a charm, but the downside was I couldn't get the stench of my own feces out of my nostrils all day. 104 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/6/1115706.jpg)
![в 13y ago I hadn't done my English homework and knew I'd get into trouble if I went to school that day, so I told my parents I had a really bad stomach ache. They took me to see a doctor and he said that I had abdominal migraine so I should probably rest for a day or two. To this day I'm convinced the doctor was just doing me a favour. 127 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/5/1115705.jpg)
![YourBuddy12 13y ago I somehow convinced my parents that my lips were too chapped to go to school so I had to take the day off to ease the pain. 161 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/4/1115704.jpg)
![BariumEnema 13y ago At a young age, I realized that ingesting vitamin tablets on an empty stomach caused me to vomit stomach acid and bile a few minutes after I took them. I used this a few times to play hookey. My grandparents always looked after me when I was sick, and that shit was awesome. I think my grandfather knew when I was faking because we would go to flea markets and pizza hut and watch that painter guy on PBS. I miss my Grandmother and Pop-Pop. 46 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/6/9/7/1115697.jpg)
![yesohyesohyes 13y ago I took syrup of ipecac. Worst way to get out of school ever basically. I thought if I only drank a small amount it would just make me mildly sick. What followed was 12 hours of non-stop puking/dry heaving. I threw up 125 times. My grandma was in town and thought I had 'the bulimia.' 56 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/2/1115702.jpg)
![TheTarBender 13y ago In Grade 6, I had to get out of a math test so I exaggerated my sick symptoms (was actually feeling slightly ill with a stomach ache, but nothing crazy).... turned out I was actually sick and had appendicitis. 3 weeks off!! Never had to write that math test either. 59 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/0/1115700.jpg)
![13y ago About 2-3 times throughout grade 8, I faked sick to stay home and grind levels and quests on RuneScape. I would put my head against the airvent for a few minutes before I was scheduled to wake up to make it look like I had a fever, and then punch myself to induce a nosebleed. It was necessary because of Asian parents, but meh. Was totally worth it at the time. Now, I look back at it and simply lol. 576 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/3/1115703.jpg)
![13y ago i i was really stoned before school so i put eye drops in just one eye. when i got to school, my teacher was convinced that i had pink eye and sent me home 669 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/6/9/8/1115698.jpg)
![GreenStrong 13y ago One time, after staying up late on a school night to see a meteor shower, I decided to milk it for a day off school. So at breakfast I slowly leaned forward until my face hit the bowl of cheerios, then sat up in mock surprise and shook milk everywhere. It worked. 387 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/6/9/5/1115695.jpg)
![randall82 13y ago Maybe not exactly the answer you're looking for, but when I figured out how to masturbate I faked a migraine probably once a week for a month so I could stay home and...well, you know. Until my mom took me to the doctor for migraines. I grew up a lot that month, like Stand By Me, but with my weiner. 297 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/6/9/9/1115699.jpg)
![Lollercaust989 13y ago | was hardcore. I would put my face up against the heat vent to fake a fever. I would not move my neck for a whole day and pretend to have stiff neck. I poured a bottle of astringent into my bath water and sat in it until my skin blistered. I chewed up food, kept it hidden between my teeth and my cheek, and in a dramatic display I pushed it out with my tongue while fake heaving. 149 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/6/9/6/1115696.jpg)
![BabyOnHip 13y ago When I was in 1st grade, my next door neighbor informed me that you aren't allowed to go to school if you had diarrhea and that eating leaves would give me diarrhea. We spent that evening eating leaves off the tree in our backyard. I had my heart set on not going to school the next day, and my neighbor got diarrhea and couldn't go, so we were going to hang out. I didn't end up getting diarrhea :( I told my mom I did anyway, in hindsight, I should have not eaten a bunch of leaves](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/7/0/1/1115701.jpg)