16 of the Funniest Times Dads Said ‘Don’t Tell Your Mother About This’

‘He pulled into a car park and started pulling mad skids on the ice’
16 of the Funniest Times Dads Said ‘Don’t Tell Your Mother About This’

Among the best things a father can teach you is how to keep a secret from your mother. Lying and dishonesty are the cornerstones of life, and it’s good for him to get you started early. Plus, you can bond with him over what mom doesn’t know, and then if you’re skillful, use those same exact tactics with her (again, in the spirit of bonding). 

One Redditor knows all about the many layers of familial dishonesty, and told the story of his father letting him rent South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, with the caveat that his mom could never find out. Funny enough, his mom let him rent the same movie a week later, telling him that he wasn’t allowed to tell his father about it. Through it all, he managed to keep both secrets, in addition to one of his own: he’d already seen the movie in theaters. 

Other Redditors have chimed in with the sneaky antics they got up to with dad, and if you haven’t bonded with your child over a lie yet, what are you even doing?

smidgit 4y My dad... cut the tip of my toe off and tried to hide it... buy putting a white sock on it (which eventually turned red) clattered mine and my brother's heads together so hard I can only sort of remember it because I was told about it later (my brother told my mum) backed the car into a wall when taking me to school and managed to hide it by having someone fix it that day bought an enormous TV so he could one-up our neighbour (don't know how he thought he'd hide that one?) But my favourite
Jubie1 . 4y My dad gave in and let me rent South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Told me not to tell my mom. Then my mom let me rent it again a few weeks later and told me not to tell my dad. I never told either of them I had already seen it in the theater ... 949
 . . 4y Not me. My dad took my then toddler (or just a bit bigger) sister on his motorbike, she hit her chin on the tank and was a bit hurt. My dad said she mustn't tell my mom or she won't be allowed on again. So as soon as my sister walked in the door she said, don't worry mom, I'm okay! ... 1.3k
NadaOmelet . 4y I let them listen to Baby Got Back in the car a couple days in a row. Got busted by day care when the five year old kept absent-mindedly singing I like big butts and I cannot lie! while playing and the three year old asked the teacher what it meant to get sprung. They hear and remember everything. ... 187
skydiver1958 . 4y When I took them skydiving. Of course they are grownups but you know mothers. ... 7
VikramMukherjee . . 4y I was in the car with my dad one winter when he pulls into an empty car park and starts pulling mad skids on the ice. When I questioned wtf he was doing, the look on his face made it pretty clear he forgot I was in the back of the car. It made me wonder what other random shit he gets up to when he's on his own. ... 2.6k
peachyfuzzle. . 4y Six year old daughter a few years back. I was driving a 450hp mustang with manual transmission. 0-60 in like four seconds. We hit a straight stretch of back road. I look at her, and say lean back in your seat... ... 120
notyourcoloringbook  . 4y When I was underage my dad would let me have a drink every once in awhile. The first time he had asked me to make him a screwdriver. I said sure then jokingly said only if I get one too! Не was like eh, whatever. You're 18 and not going anywhere tonight. Don't tell your mom. When he passed away I was telling that story. As it turns out, mom knew the whole time. She didn't care because we were bonding. ... 3.3k
chiaspod . . 4y I accidentally locked me and my son out of the house. I pulled a set of lock picks out of my wallet, and unlocked the door. My son stared at me wide-eyed and impressed, but ... your mother never hears about this. My wife is a little sensitive to my misspent youth. ... 108
 . 4y My dad older brother and me were cleaning, and their was a bunch of boxes we were going through. One of the boxes had old photo books after good thirty minutes My dad chuckled and said nice. I look at the photo in his hand it was my dad maybe in his early twenties surrounded by 5 naked woman. My dad looks at me and said don't tell your mom about that one. PS: it was before my dad and mom even met. ... 1.6k
WindsomKid . 4y We have a very strict eat at the table policy. If it is a meal, eat at the table, a snack? Eat at the table. My wife is a big driver on this and is the creator of the policy. When she is away on trips, the child and I plop down in front of the computer, throw on Netflix and eat our meals away from the table, as a family. ... 49
Bruce_NGA 4y Oh I got this. My daughter and I are on a 10-day road trip through the American South, an AirBNB here, a campground there and one state park right outside of Jackson, Mississippi. We'd just come from New Orleans where, among other things, we had taken a Swamp Tour where we were within spitting distance of some massive alligators. After 6 or so hours of driving, we decided to pitch a tent for the night by a river. At the time, my daughter was 8 years-old and couldn't get enough swimming. The park ranger was making his rounds
gorgonheap 4y Haven't done this with my kids yet but I remember one from my childhood: My mom did not allow us to have video game consoles in the house. (Yes, we were deprived children.) My brother and I shared a room. Не won a TV at a school party and one day I bought an N64 and several games at a garage sale. We then snuck these items into our house, and set them up in our closet. We'd been playing Mariokart, Goldeneye, and Super Smash Bros. for a couple days when my Dad walked in our room and
 . . 4y Caught them eating pill bugs in the backyard. Knew she'd freak out, so I told them don't tell your mom. Only time I've ever encouraged them to hide something from her. ... 33
moNey_001 . 4y Not a father but when I was younger my dad used to take me to the tab to place a bet every now and again. One time he had a go on the pokies, there were 6 machines and he won $500 - $800 off every one of them in the space of 15 minutes. 13 year old me got a fistful of cash to not tell Mum about his winnings! ... 667
Gordon_frumann - 4 4y When my mother was away with her job for two weeks. I one evening after i was laid to bed got up, and saw my dad ironing his own shirts, he looked at me and said: Don't tell your mom that i know how to do this. ... 2.4k


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