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31 Unexpected Quirks of Space Travel We’ll Need to Conquer to Get to Mars

By:: Cracked Writers; Brian C. Miller

December 12, 2023

31 Unexpected Quirks of Space Travel We’ll Need to Conquer to Get to Mars

Let’s do a hypothetical: A narcissistic billionaire who buys up social media networks, makes electric cars and also freaking rockets offers you a one-way ticket to his new Mars colony. The biggest factor in your decision might be the fact that you’d be leaving behind your home planet as well as everyone you’ve ever known for a cold and unforgiving desert rock. But even if you can conquer such homesickness, it turns out that space travel is an absolute nightmare on a delicate human meat suits.

Below are some of the worst parts of traveling through space — and that’s only what we know so far! Surely more terrible things await us in the vastness of space.

31 Space corpses are forever

Space is littered I with corpses. S C'EASSA CIDATES TO 1:35 Too FIXT . D Space travel was first tested with dogs, chimpanzees, and other animals- many of whom died during their travels and whose bodies have never been recovered. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

30 Your space DNA is different now

Space will change your DNA. NASA NASA discovered this by comparing the DNA of astronaut Scott Kelly to that of his twin brother, Mark. After a year in space, Scott's genes had been altered by 7%- effectively making the twins non-identical. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

29 It's raining... glass?

There is a planet where it rains glass. The phenomenon gives planet HD189733b a bright azure color. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

28 The Ice! It Burns!

There is a planet where ice burns. The temperature on Gliese 436 b hovers around 800 degrees fahrenheit. However the ice doesn't melt because of the planet's gravitational pull- so instead it burns due to the extreme heat. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

27 You can't taste in space

SPACE RUINS YOUR ABILITY TO TASTE. Протертый - Crackars THE Mit 50 ml MILK 5-00 - Кремиры мры 2/28/2007 with A SPREAD CHEESE CHEES SPREA - Our 1/31/2004 DWCM - Cheddar Cheese Spread 120 ا Candy Coalled Peanuts Kread Butore Openang 9/20/2003 E Писта - - - Aparal the 2088 zo 5'1 LA ДЗ Размигчить pepci открытием Dear State Exp AGUNT بوب 4127303142 YOUR NOSE IS CONSTANTLY STUFFED. The only cure is the burning sensation of spicy food. Stuff like Tabasco sauce is prized aboard the International Space Station. Astronaut Peggy Whitson once jokingly threatened to bar entry from a visiting — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

26 Space diabetes!

LOW GRAVITY GIVES YOU SPACE DIABETES. 10 ml NovoRapid Nordisk 100 j./ml Injekeni roztok HM Insulinum aspartum 100 m.j/ml Subkutanni, intravenozni podáni kci. THE WAY YOU HANDLE INSULIN GOES НА YWIRE. Even conventional diabetes treatments fall short. We do see some possible relief from a heart-friendly chemical called resveratrol, found in red wine. Unfortunately, though, NASA currently objects to astronauts drinking wine all day, for some reason. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

25 Space tech is basically ancient

THIS RUSSIAN SOYUZ IS HOW WE REACH THE ISS. СОЮЗ IT WAS DESIGNED IN 1962. Yeah, space tech can be ancient. The Soyuz remained unchanged for decades. Its computer went digital only in 2010, and it uses buttons an operator must push with a stick. NASA are only now switching to an alternative: the Crew Dragon, made by SpaceX. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

24 Seriously, no babies!

SHUTTLES OF COURSE ALLOW NO BABIES. BUT LONG-TERM, HOW WOULD BABIES WORK? If we plan to travel long-term and also continue as a species, babies will be kind of a necessity. You can't make babies exercise the way adults do. How space radiation and other fun elements of interplanetary travel will mess with them is anyone's guess. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

23 So much for steering in space

STEERING WHILE IN ORBIT IS CRAZY HARD. ACCELERATE? THAT RAISES YOUR ORBIT. To lower your orbit, you now need negative force from your rockets. But since you're getting closer to Earth, and gravity's growing, your kinetic energy actually increases, so you're likely to accelerate again. Confused? You should be. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

22 Your poor spinal disks

SPINAL DISKS CUSHION YOU AGAINST GRAVITY. IN SPACE, THESE BECOME USELESS. So your vertebrae drift and extend your spine. The good news: you get taller. The bad news: chronic back pain as a very nerve-dense part of your body suddenly stretches like an accordion. Oh, and the nerves themselves are also in danger of getting damaged. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

21 Look at all this... nothing!

IN MOVIES, SHIPS TOUR COLORFUL NEBULAE. BUT SPACE IS ALMOST ENTIREL Y EMPTY. You'll generally be looking out at nothing. Even if you stare right at one of the few sights, it'll never look like the cool colorful photos from the Hubble telescope. NASA adds those colors to depict types of atoms detected by different filters. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

20 We have no idea what's going on up there

The United States Government has confirmed the existence of UFOs. A report released in 2021 confirms the sighting of 144 instances- but doesn't confirm the existence of extraterrestrial life. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

19 Space really is infinite

Space never ends. And since our universe is only 13 billion years old we have no way of knowing about older universes because they haven't had time to reach us. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

18 Permanent Moon Prints

Footprints left on the moon will stay there forever. There is no wind or atmosphere on the moon, meaning all footprints left there will stay there forever. CRACKED COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

17 In space... no one better smooch.

ROMANCE IS FORBIDDEN AMONG ASTRONAUTS. NASA SAYS COUPLES CAN'T SHARE A SHIP. The one exception was when the couple married right before launch, and it was too late to change plans. NASA knows the true power of love is its ability to make even brilliant people turn crazy. That simply can't be allowed to happen on a starship. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

16 Your bones and muscles give up

BONES AND MUSCLES ATROPHY IN SPACE. РОСКОС RETURNING TO EARTH IS A HUGE ADJUSTMENT. You might be missing 8 percent of the bone across your hips, and that's even with all the exercise. You also have to readjust mentally. You'll try to float a pen or a water bottle over to someone and watch it clunk to the ground, because you've forgotten about gravity. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

15 There's no stopping, pretty much

ENGINE DIES ON EARTH? FRICTION STOPS YOU. IN SPACE? YOU KEEP MOVING, HELPLESS. Banking on a rescue? But any ship chasing you must first match your speed, and then go even faster to catch up. And don't count on sci-fi style escape pods. They'd have to be functioning space shuttles of their own and will probably never be practical to include. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

14 We need extra pee tools

MEN MUST PEE USING A FUNNEL. WOMEN MUST PEE USING A CUP. Pee's converted into drinking water, because up there, every drop of liquid counts. The real trick is knowing when you need to go. When there's no gravity to push waste downward through you, your body becomes unreliable at giving you its regular cues. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

13 There's not a lot of extra room

EVERY SPARE INCH IS USED FOR STORAGE. FUEL, FOOD, PARTS, MED SUPPLIES... Those are the systems whose sharp corners you will continually be banging against every time you make a sudden movement. Designers can't throw in extra head room just to make you comfortable. Every extra bit of ship is going to cost somebody millions. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

12 Space germs are weird

IN SPACE, GERMS CHANGE WEIRDL Y. YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM, MEANWHILE, CRUMBLES. Meds and vaccines also lose potency in space. Oh, you didn't want to go through quarantine? Congratulations! You're now sitting in the space toilet of your luxurious vessel, your weakened body torn apart by a ravenous strand of mutant salmonella. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

11 Black holes are set to "spaghettify"

A black hole will turn you into spaghetti. The forces of a black hole are known to turn anything in its path into a long thin line, a process that science literally calls Spaghettification. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

10 Neptune is hungry

A storm on Neptune could swallow the entire Earth. Storms on Saturn can reach up to 1600 miles an hour- a pace that could easily swallow Earth whole. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

9 Rogue Planet is the Weirdest D&D Class

Space is filled with rogue planets. These planets don't orbit a star, they simply drift throughout the galaxy after being ejected from their star systems. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

8 Earth vs Space

Space attacked Earth in 1859- and it might again. In 1859, the largest solar storm ever recorded hit earth causing light storms and failed telegraph communications. If the same storm were to occur again it would cause grid and WiFi failures to the tune of 2 trillion dollars. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

7 The Milkyway is being sucked away

The Milkyway is being sucked away. And the black hole that's doing it is getting hungrier- and scientists don't know why. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

6 No really, no one can hear you scream

In Space no one can hear you scream. Seriously. Space is a vacuum meaning sound waves that are audible to humans cannot be heard. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Terrifying Space Facts That Makes Us Love Earth

5 Sorry, no jetpacks

SPACE JETPACKS DON'T EXIST. THE CLOSEST THING WAS SCRAPPED. The one in Gravity is based on the Manned Maneuvering Unit, which dates back to 1984. Its tiny compressed nitrogen thrusters couldn't move you at anything beyond a crawl. Besides, shuttles can just park next to you, so NASA dropped the MMU. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

4 Space internet stinks

SPACE DOES HAVE THE INTERNET. BUT IT'S SUPER SLOW. The issue is distance. While the ISS itself is only around 250 miles away, signals must bounce through a network of satellites, traversing 22,000 miles. And of course, as we move into deeper space, accessing the net will become vastly harder. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

3 Are we there yet?

INTERSTELLAR DISTANCES ARE HUGE. EVEN AT LIGHT SPEED, TRIPS'LL TAKE YEARS. To everyone on Earth, your time will slow down the faster you go. So that decade-long round trip from your perspective could easily mean a lot more time will pass on Earth. You wouldn't just return in the future; you'd return in the distant future. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

2 Radiation and your retinas

RADIATION HITS YOUR RETINAS IN SPACE. THAT'S EVEN WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES. This tricks your brain into thinking you're seeing lights, which goes from inconvenient to inescapable. The constant radiation penetration also structurally damages the delicate tissues in your eyes, which may well lead to permanently messed-up sight. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

1 Space weakens your heart

YOUR HEART WEAKENS IN SPACE. OVHD TIPO YOUR ONL Y REMEDY? CONSTANT EXERCISE. You have to exercise a good 2.5 hours a day, every day, as long as you're out there. You'll spend those hours strapped into one of the three exercise contraptions available, forever grinding in a tiny room that's filled with cables and presumably smells like jock straps. CRACKED.COM — Source: 20 Horrifying Sides Of Space Travel No One Talks About

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