26 Classic Doctor Jokes Worth the Exorbitant Co-Pay

‘My doctor told me I had a healthy prostate. I was deeply touched’
26 Classic Doctor Jokes Worth the Exorbitant Co-Pay
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If you pursue what’s supposed to be a highly respectable profession that requires extensive schooling, you can pretty much guarantee you’re going to have a whole genre of jokes dedicated to you. Coming up with them was what the rest of us were doing while you spent four extra years with your nose in a book, nerd! 

Here’s a collection of classic doctor jokes to break out at your next visit, as long as they’re not holding a scalpel.

CRACKED Man tells his doctor, Help me, Doc. My hands won't stop shaking. Doctor says, Do you drink often? Man says, Not really, I end up spilling most of it.
CRACKED Doctor says, You're as healthy as a horse! Man says, That's great! Doctor says, Well, a horse with kidney stones.
CRACKED Man says, Doctor, I keep defecating at 6 AM every morning like clockwork. Doctor says, What's the problem? Man says, Well, I wake up at 8.
CRACKED Man says, Doctor, I keep getting these uncontrollable urges to steal things. Doctor says, Take two of these tablets every day, and if they don't work, can you get me a television?
CRACKED Man gets a call from his doctor. I have two pieces of bad news. I got your test results and you have 24 hours to live. Man says, What?! How could there be more bad news after that? Doctor says, Well, I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
CRACKED Man calls his doctor, says My wife is pregnant and her water just broke! Doctor says, Is this her first child? Man says, No, you idiot, this is her husband!
CRACKED Doctor says, Nurse, any update on the boy who swallowed 10 quarters? Nurse says, So far, no change.
CRACKED Man says, I swallowed a roll of film. Doctor says, Go home, and call me if anything develops.
CRACKED Man says, Doc, I think I need glasses. Teller responds, You certainly do! This is a bank.
CRACKED A man calls the urologist's office. Receptionist answers, Urology office. Can you hold?
CRACKED Doctor says, you have high blood pressure and amnesia. Patient says, Well, at least I don't have high blood pressure.
CRACKED Why do doctors hit your knee? They get a kick out of it.
CRACKED Why do surgeons wear masks? So no one can recognize them if they make a mistake.
CRACKED Man says, Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Doctor says, Next time, take the candles off first.
CRACKED Doctor says, I'm sorry, but you only have five minutes to live. Man says, Is there anything I can do? Doctor says, I dunno, boil an egg?
CRACKED Doctor says, There's good news and bad news. The bad news is, you have short-term memory loss. Man says, Oh no. What's the bad news?
CRACKED A pirate goes to the doctor because he's worried about moles on his back. Doctor says, They're benign. The pirate says, Arr, count again! I think there be ten!
CRACKED Man tells his doctor, Doc, my anus hurts, right at the entrance. Doctor says, Well, it's going to keep hurting if you call it the 'entrance.
CRACKED My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder. Impossible. As the smartest man alive, I think I would have noticed.
CRACKED My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex. My wife says it's for dyslexia, but what does she know?
CRACKED My doctor told me, Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. I replied, And?
CRACKED Man goes to his doctor, says Doc! I've got milk coming out of my ear and gravy all down my legs! Doctor says, Hmm. I don't think you're eating properly.
CRACKED My doctor told me I had a healthy prostate. I was deeply touched.
CRACKED A man goes in for a physical, and says, Doc, don't be alarmed, but I have five penises. Doctor says, 5 penises!? How do your pants fit? Man says, Like a glove.
CRACKED A man says to his doctor, Doc, I think I'm going deaf. Doctor says, Describe the symptoms. Man says, Well, Homer is bald, Marge has blue hair...
CRACKED Doctor says, I have good news and bad news, which do you want first? Patient says, good news first, I guess. Doctor says, Well, you're going to get something named after you.

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