20 Red-Hot Roast Jokes From Roasters Who Completely Roasted Their Roastees

We’re just glad we weren’t on the receiving end of these
20 Red-Hot Roast Jokes From Roasters Who Completely Roasted Their Roastees
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See, this is why we chose to not get famous. Hollywood was begging for us, but we knew that might come with a celebrity roast and we just couldn’t handle it. 

Good on these targets for being such good sports. The best roasters in the game really had at them, but they kept those painted-on, pained smiles going. Anonymity is the life for us, so Hollywood, again, we ask that you please stop calling.

Nikki Glaser on Edward Norton

looks to me like if a marionette became a boy and then that boy became an a**hole. Не was so hot in Fight Club... when he was Brad Pitt.

Gilbert Gottfried on Seth MacFarlane

Take it easy on Seth MacFarlane. It's gotta be hard for him to do a roast, especially because The Simpsons haven't done it yet.

Norm Macdonald on Bob Saget

Bob has a beautiful face, like a flower. A cauliflower.

Sean Lock on the Jedward Twins

CRACKED.COM After proclaiming their intent of going to university. the Irish pop stars, Jedward, got verbally buried by comedian Sean Lock. I think your best chance F at getting into university, is as an exhibit in a jar.

Andy Richter’s Retort to Chelsea Handler

On an episode of Conan, Chelsea Handler made fun of Andy Richter's weight by asking him if he floats in the ocean. HIS RESPONSE WAS MAGICAL. Sure! What; do you sink? Might be that cast iron heart. CRACKED.COM

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Comic-Con Attendees

Which of these buttons calls your parents to pick you up? - Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog talking to a man in a Darth Vader suit at the premiere of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. CRACKED.COM

Nick DiPaolo on Denis Leary

NICK DIPAOLO DiPaolo got his first national attention busting Denis Leary's balls on a Comedy Central roast. The big laughs got him return invites to take down Pam Anderson and Larry the Cable Guy. Operation Dumbo Drop. At what point while reading the script did you say 'I have to do this ing film'? CRACKED.COM

Amy Schumer on Charlie Sheen

AMY SCHUMER After her vicious takedown of Charlie Sheen, Schumer got her own Comedy Central hour special. Charlie you get a bad rap, but you're just like Bruce Willis. You were big in the '80s and now your old slot's being filled with Ashton Kutcher. The performance and special eventually led to her teaming up with Judd Apatow for her feature film Trainwreck. CRACKED COM

Anthony Jeselnik on Charlie Sheen

ANTHONY JESELNIK Jeselnik's trademark black humor made him a perfect candidate for roast excellence. Не brought out the sharp knives for the Comedy Central roast of the already imploding Charlie Sheen. The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox. CRACKED.COM

Greg Giraldo on Chevy Chase

GREG GIRALDO Giraldo's obituary noted that he was most loved for his appearances on celebrity roasts. Не was practically a series regular, taking hilarious shots at Pam Anderson, Bill Shatner, Larry the Cable Guy, and the humor-impaired Chevy Chase. You've made 40 movies, and Al Franken is the biggest movie star who showed up. An O.J. roast would have had more star power! CRACKED.COM

Lisa Lampanelli on Pam Anderson

LISA LAMPANELLI Lampanelli broke through to the mainstream after her appearance on the Pam Anderson roast. She has dated Scott Baio, the singer from Poison and the drummer from Motley Crue. Her life story should be a show on VH1 called 'I ed the 80s'. I still don't know anyone who goes deeper or harder than she does, says Jeff Ross. CRACKED.COM

Hannibal Buress on Justin Bieber

HANNIBAL BURESS Buress got the most mileage out of a brutal Bieber joke that got cut from the show, tweeting it out for maximum effect. They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don't like you at all, man. I'm just here because it's a real good opportunity for me. Actually you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likable in the public eye. And I hope it doesn't work. CRACKED.COM

Natasha Leggero on Justin Bieber

NATASHA LEGGERO Like other comics before her, Leggero turned a viciously funny set into a development deal. She landed some great blows when comedy punching bag Justin Bleber was on the dais. Justin, Selena Gomez had to you. She's literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history. CRACKED.COM

Nikki Glaser on Ann Coulter

NIKKI GLASER Ann Coulter was literally shaking as Glaser tore into the pundit during Rob Lowe's roast. Ann Coulter has written 11 books. Twelve if you count Mein Kampf. It was the first time that I had experienced this thing where I write all these mean jokes and then I get there and I forget that they are going to be sitting there when I say it. CRACKED.COM

Whitney Cummings on Joan Rivers

WHITNEY CUMMINGS Cummings was not well known outside of stand-up circles before her roast appearances. Her perf at the Joan Rivers roast led to Comedy Central specials and her own sitcom. Joan Rivers has done some TV. I recently saw her vagina on an episode of The Deadliest Catch. CRACKED.COM

Jeff Ross As the Roastmaster General

JEFF ROSS 05 2003 There's no comic alive who has benefited from celebrity roasting more than Jeff Ross. As the Roastmast General, he practically made it part of his name. In addition to celeb roasts, he's done Historical Roasts, Roast Battle, Jeff Ross Roasts Criminals, Jeff Ross Roasts Cops, and Jeff Ross Roasts the Border. This guy knows how to milk a bit. CRACKED.COM

Sarah Silverman on Hugh Hefner

SARAH SILVERMAN Despite roles on both SNL and Mr. Show in the 90s, Sarah Silverman was never front and center. She began getting the attention she deserved after a killer takedown at Hugh Hefner's roast. Hugh Hefner. A living legend, and look at your girlfriends-so beautiful. When are you going get serious? You know one day you might want one of them changing diapers. I mean if it gets too hard to do it yourself. CRACKED.COM

Amy Schumer

Mike Tyson rudely heckled Amy Schumer while she was performing at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen. She responded by ROAST CHFRLIE jokingly a

Jeff Ross on The Hoff

Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff. The only difference between Hasselhoff and Hitler, at least Hitler knew when his career was over. EF POS5

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