31 of the Funniest Things People Heard Strangers Say

‘Have a thank you!’
31 of the Funniest Things People Heard Strangers Say

In Judaism, there’s a classification of charitable acts known as “Maimonides’ Ladder.” On this scale, one of the most selfless forms of charity is a gift given between two people who never knew or learned each other’s identity. In a strange way, I think this same idea can apply to a perfect joke.

If you’re with friends, of course you’re going to look to brighten their day, and there’s a lot of joy received from making a good friend laugh. Making a stranger laugh, for no reason other than a fleeting blip of joy in the grayness of daily life? That’s a mitzvah in my book.

In an AskReddit thread, recipients of such gifts shared them, and now they can brighten your day as well.

JonoTheDog a 6y ago I was in the drive thru of a Wendy's one time. An employee exited the building with his headphones on and was singing Who Let The Dogs Out at the top of his lungs. Не saw me, stopped singing, and started walking away. A few seconds later he come up to my window and said, yes, that is what I'm listening to. Then he walked away. I laughed so hard at the whole situation.
jimcol 6y ago Okay, the laughter was not entirely inside, but years ago on the subway in NY, a crazy dude walks on the train and screams at everyone You're all going to hell! and then steps off as the doors close. Total silence as the weirdness of the moment settles in. Then, without missing a beat, guy across from me goes, Shit, I thought this train was going to Harlem. Entire subway car of cynical New Yorkers bursts out laughing.
BurkaBurrito 6y ago I was helping a customer pick out a new bra and she said she wanted her breasts to be lifted. She said, my boobs are so saggy that if my nipples were eyeballs, I'd be able to see if my shoes were untied I really tried my best to remain professional but I couldn't stop laughing lol
mcramhemi . 6y ago Something from Highschool I'll always remember it kind of looks like Texas if Texas didn't look like Texas destroyed me lol
brookski_lee . 6y ago Was leaving Walmart and the 80ish year old greeter says Thanks for shopping at Dollar Tree!
dodo_gogo a 6y ago Movie just ended, me and my dad join the mad rush to to the bathrooms, urinals are packed, its our turn we doing our business, suddenly someone rips a hugggge fart, lol its pretty funny but we all have manners, still peeing, suddenly this dude proclaims, IT WAS MEEEEE and runs out the door. Whole bathroom erupts in laughter.
walnut100 . 6y ago Edited 6y ago The time I was waiting for takeout and the amputee owner struck up a convo. My friend, you have to be really careful if you ever get shot in the knee or any leg bone. They don't warn you that you can't have sex for months. One night you're taking home a beautiful girl to show her your scars and the next morning your leg's gone.
kingbluetit 6y ago Edited 6y ago A few months ago I was waiting at a road crossing with loads of other strangers, waiting for the man to turn green. This was a busy main road in my city. A little girl on the other side of the road did THE MOST ACCURATE IMPRESSION of the ''beep beep' that the crossing makes so blind people know it's safe to cross, and the entire crowd of people just stepped into the road. I had seen her do it, so I stayed put, but I couldn't stop laughing. My girlfriend was confused.
 6y ago May of 2000, passing through Norwood Louisiana with a friend, at around 2 in the afternoon we stopped to gas up/grab some snacks at the most podunk gas station known to man. A young man, extremely agitated comes in with frustrated gestures and angrily shouts/gestures at the cashier with an accent that is beyond region, beyond stereotyping, beyond anything I have heard before: Where da' got damned wally-mellyons at!! at the top of lungs, approaching hysteria and tears.
RiSETOFaLL 6y ago I work in retail, and I'm not sure why, but this had me dying for a while. I still laugh when I think about it. Me: How you doing today, sir? Customer: Yep. And he went on his way.
SweetBabyJesus99 6y ago When i was about 8 yrs old (40 some odd yrs ago) my mother and i were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and an older gentleman was ahead of us also waiting. The waitress asked him if he'd be smoking (back when that was still a thing in restaurants), and he replied no, but i may burst into flames later. Young me laughed all through lunch at that, in fact it still makes me giggle lol.
NightOnTheSun . 6y ago An old man on the street with a big, jack-o- lantren grin on his face and two Chihuahuas under each arm loudly proclaiming to no one in particular, I used to carry grenades! Now I carry dogs!
actualchad 6y ago Something I overheard as two kids walked past our caravan park site: A rumbling boom of distant thunder. Kid 1: I like thunder. It sounds like a 200 year old dog who's retired and helps old people who are blind to get around. Kid 2: (silence) Kid 1: You know? Kid 2: But why is it retired? Kid 1: Because it's old. Kid 2: But it's still helping blind people. Kid 1: (silence)
ComicSal . 6y ago Just the other day checking out at the Cracker Barrel, the older gentleman ringing my wife up accidentally said, with all confidence, Have a thank you!
kbig22432 6y ago Edited 6y ago No so much said to me as overheard. Walking down the street with my fiance after dinner, a man and woman pass us. Very clearly I heard the man say: ... and that's the second time I got crabs. I just keep a special little comb at the house now, just in case. I'm not sure of any particulars and have thought about that interaction often. So many questions, I know they heard me laugh though.
emken23 . 6y ago I used to be a smoker. One time a scruffy looking man asked me for a light. I told him I only had matches. (It was very windy) Не said, that's ok, there's a trick to it. You light the match and then suck down real hard. You get a mouth full of sulfur that way, but you gotta have a trick when you're going thirty miles an hour on top of a tank.
relghadban 6y ago I once was canoeing with my fiance for the first time and we were having a bit of trouble at first getting a rhythm going so we were along the edge of the water hitting the canal. This random couple was walking along the wall and said to his wife while pointing at us Ahh canoeing, the true test of love My fiance and I bursted into laughter for 20 minutes and then finally got our rhythm together
 6y ago I was at a 50th wedding anniversary party and there were LOTS of elderly people in attendance. An old man was standing next me and said it looks like a fucking grave yard in here. | literally spit my beer out (we were out doors). The kicker was the guy was close to the same age as everyone else.
AbortRetrylmplode 6y ago Edited 6y ago I'm in the bathroom at work washing my hands and one of the professors that I don't think I've ever actually spoken to comes in and starts washing her lanyard in the sink. I try to make small talk with work people even though I suck at it so I try to strike up a conversation that goes down as follows: Morning. Ugghhh...I spilled coffee on my lanyard and now it's all sticky. Blah...that's the worst. At this point she turns off the faucet and looks at me completely deadpan with eyes that said
Dahhhkness 6y ago Watched a guy walking to class at my college years ago saying Get the fuck out of my way to a pigeon standing in his path. The pigeon quickly waddled off to the side.
etaporra 6y ago I was crossing the street once and my sunglasses fell off my shirt directly to the floor. I just realized it happened after I got to the other side of the street and my mom pointed it out. The closest car was pretty far away, but I was still very anxious about it, ran back to the middle of the street, tried to grab it but I was so nervous it fell out of my hands two times before i finally got it and ran to the other side of the street again. The car finally reached
Dillbob2112 6y ago In high school we were walking down the hall to the buses and I heard two girls in a conversation that cracked me up and confused me. Girl 1: Yeah I'm going to random guy's house tonight. (Something to the effect of looking forward to it.) Girl 2: Ah well make sure you bring protection. (Already kinda weird as they're just talking in the hall.) Girl 1: What? No I'm not gonna be doing anything like that. Girl 2: No I meant like a knife or something.
2Fundy. 6y ago Years ago when queuing up for movie tickets with my family, the attendant asked the ages of our four kids to see if they could all get children-priced tickets. I announced their ages, 7, 9, 11 & 13. Without missing a beat, the stranger behind us declared, That's an odd group!
 . 6y ago In college, this one girl in the front of the room chimes in on something, and mentioned that her eyes change color during the summer every year from blue to green. This black dude in the back of the class whispers to his friend yeah bitch, and I turn white in winter. I had to remove myself immediately before I made a scene from laughing so hard.
shacklton89 . 6y ago Went to chipotle after freshly shaving my head. The cashier started commenting WOW what a day look at you with your shaved head, when did you do that! Me: like 20 min ago. Him: wooooooow what a world we live in! You and your bald head. I felt like I was in a whitest kids you know skit or something.
golden-em 6y ago I was rollerblading down a hill too fast, and landed on my ass. Painful, sure, but not excruciatingly so. A old man walked by and said in the most jolly voice, is your behind okay, young lady? I was shaking of laughter. My behind was okay, yes.
Dumpo2012 . 6y ago Edited 6y ago When I was around 10 my dad took my brother and me to a Sox game at Fenway. We get to the park and I was putting mustard on a hotdog from one of those mustard box push down nozzle things, this random guy next to me goes YEAH BUDDY, LATHER THAT BITCH UP. 10 year old me thought it was about the funniest thing I'd ever heard, and I still chuckle when I think about it as an adult.
LisaPaBisa . 6y ago Edited 6y ago At a festival and sitting around the campfire when a very intoxicated man kept saying I need to borrow your fireplace! Не wouldn't let it go, despite being right by the fire. Turns out he needed a lighter for his cigarette and was so drunk that he forgot what it was called. My laughter was not internal. I died laughing right in front of him.
OCEANLOVER . 6y ago I was at Tim hortons with my dog and then this old man walked by and said to me you're gonna be a dog one day
 6y ago | have a five and a half pound chihuahua. He's about as intimidating as a bunny rabbit. I was walking him on the grass along the road. A couple of walkers were coming near me and my dog started barking at them so I picked him up. The guy says, Thank you for picking him up. We were really scared.
Sbcistheboss 6y ago Edited 6y ago When I served, I had a table of about 20 Asian people. The head of the group, shook my hand and introduced himself as Tony, Tony the Tiger. Не tried to sound cool and tough, but all I could think of was the cereal mascot. Edit. Wow! 2.1 likes. I want to add that when I repeated back in a slightly skeptical voice Tony the Tiger? Не did a cat claw motion and said rawr, like a tiger.

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