32 Wild Things Children Did That Are Funny in Retrospect

‘Look! That guy has Michael Jordan skin!’
32 Wild Things Children Did That Are Funny in Retrospect
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They say that it takes until around age 25 for the frontal lobe of the brain to fully develop. It’s the part of the brain responsible for, among other things, impulse control. When you consider how fresh that little lobe is in small children, you start to understand why they say pretty much every single thought that comes into their head.

This obviously can be embarrassing. It’s hard to explain that no matter how funny the toys they found in mommy’s dresser look, they’re not a great story for strangers. Of course, give it some time, and remove it from the feeling of being filled with shame in a mall food court, and it still makes for good stories. 

Parents and witnesses of truly out-of-pocket children’s behavior shared their favorite stories over on Reddit, and some of the best are collected below.

. 9y ago When my daughter was three she had just learned about Obama. So on our first outting to the store after that, the first black man she sees she shouts Its Obama!
smw89 9y ago I was at a friend's house. They were having a BBQ. Lots of people over. All the kids were playing in the bedroom upstairs. My four-year- old daughter came flying down the stairs and ran into the bathroom. All the adults are hanging out in the living room, which you have to pass to get from bathroom to staircase. Anyways, she leaves the bathroom, pops her head in the living room and said, I didn't have to wipe because my pee cleaned my butt for me! Everyone roared with laughter, and my buddy told me I better
bonniefloss 9y ago Out in the city one day and mum had to go to the bathroom. Took me into the cubicle, COS you know, cities are dangerous and stuff. Anyway, turns out she unexpectedly had Aunt Flo to visit, which scared the bejeezus outta me. She gave me a brief explanation to abate the fear, and we carried on with our day. A few hours later it was obviously still on my mind... We were waiting at the bus stop and I walked up to the handsome young man who was also waiting, tugged on the bottom of his
taronosaru 9y ago When I was around 5 or 6, my family took me to see the Little Mermaid in theatres. Me, my parents, and my (admittedly large) grandmother. All was well until Ursula appeared on screen, at which point I yelled out in the theatre That looks like Grandma!!! | didn't get to go to theatres for a while after that.
JitGoinHam . 9y ago A few Halloweens ago while shopping in Target my son exclaimed woah! nice ninja costume as we passed a woman wearing a hijab.
txkx . 9y ago My parents told me when I was a kid (I must have been 5 or 6, because Space Jam had just come out) I pointed at a black guy behind us in the checkout line at Walmart and said Look! That guy has Michael Jordan skin!
KinseyH . 9y ago Good friends of mine were at the mall with their son, who was about five. An elderly little person walked by and the 5 yo yelled Guys! Guys! | just saw a baby grandma!
BlueMacaw a 9y ago As we were going through airport security, the TSA agent asked my 5-year old son if we were his parents. Не deadpanned, I've never seen them before in my life. Hilarious now; not so funny at the time.
spenardagain 9y ago My then 4-yo plulled off his swim trunks and yelled IT'S PENIS TIME!!! Not exactly in public since he was in our yard, but the neighbors who were in their yard definitely saw and heard. His younger brother, also at age 4, ran to the end of our driveway, pulled down his pants, and started arcing pee right into the street. Не must have really had to go because there was time for several people to drive by.
9y ago I told this story before, but when my middle son was around three, he would constantly point at different people and say penis if it was a guy and vagina if it was a girl. We tried to get him to stop saying the words in public, but eventually figured it would make more sense to not make a big deal out of it and wait for him to get tired of it and stop. We were at the mall one day and the cashier was ambiguous looking. I myself wasn't entirely sure of their gender until
capnawsumpants 9y ago When my sister was little, she pronounced her Ts like Fs. My grandma had a dog named tucker. One day we saw a dog like him at the store and she yelled look! It's fucker!!
mistresshelga . 9y ago Climbed out of public pool, walked into grass, squatted down and peed.
jenglasser 9y ago Well, this was my niece, but when she was about 18 months she would combine the words car and truck. Every time I took her out she would yell COCK! when she saw a vehicle. It was mortifying at the time, but now | tell that story to everyone, lol.
9y ago years ago when my youngest was not quite three, we were at a hotel. I took the kids down to the pool. There was a large number of high school kids there, members of a track team, traveled from out of state for a regional meet. My kid was too small and too chilly for the pool, so I took him over to the jacuzzi. One of the teens came over...a very tall, slender young man, with dark brown skin. My kid was fascinated...enthralled. At that age he had no filters. Не sidled up and began making
LiquidArrogance 9y ago When my son was a few weeks old we got our first Costco membership. I'd just gotten a new job. New baby. Costco membership. We felt like we were adulting hard AF. The first thing you do when you walk into Costco is go look at all the TVs you can't afford. My wife was holding the baby and somehow his diaper slid sideways. Не shat and the entirety of it splattered all over the TV aisle in Costco. Newborn / infant poo isn't like regular poo ... it was like a giant pterodactyl birdshit if the pterodactyl ate
9y ago Not me, but one of my sisters, and her son. Не was probably 5ish, and they were at some public festival. There was a small stage in the middle of the festival and it wasn't being used so a bunch of kids would run up there and be silly, dancing, etc. My nephew runs up there, and plays around. My sister looks away for a second, and my nephew decides that right then is the time to pull his pants down to his ankles and pee on stage in front of everyone. My sister turned around and
OrionThe0122nd . 9y ago Not the parent, but | was a little kid once. I apparently shat in a display toilet at Home Depot
penis-envy-forever 9y ago Not a parent but the poor woman who was the parent of this child deserves to have the story shared. I was working at a retail store, and a mom and child come in. Now the store wasn't big at all, so the dressing room was right behind the check out counter. These dressing rooms weren't sound proof or anything so sometimes you could hear conversations. This poor woman takes her young daughter into the dressing room with her to try something on, and a few minutes go by and suddenly this young girl yells as loud
wtfa-hole 9y ago I've posted this before, here it is again: Shit, I remembered the worst... My daughter loves to complement people. About a month ago we were in the mall with my other kids. I was in line getting food for everyone when my daughter ran up to me and yelled: Daddy, I love your penis! It was both horrifying and hilarious, though I'm surprised I didn't get arrested.
Another time, probably around the same age, I called a Hell's Angels biker in full regalia a pirate. Apparently he looked exactly like a pirate, with the bandana and piercings and stuff. My dad thought he was gonna die when he came to retrieve me.
9y ago Edited 9y ago Kids will always find ways to embarrass their parents in public. The most brutal one | ever heard was at a seminar. The speaker said she had to wait in line at a crowded place once. Her 5 year old daughter was just kind of hanging on to her and walking in circles around her. She wasn't misbehaving or anything and was actually kind of cute until...All of a sudden she looked up at her mom with a gross look on her face and (loud enough for EVERYONE to hear) says Mommy, your vagina
randy_buttcheese . 9y ago My mom always tells me about the time during a church meeting during the prayer I ran up front and lifted my dress and started flashing everyone. Apparently | had gone commando that night too. She was horrified but loves to tease me about it now.
dorkmagnet123 . 9y ago When my son was about four we were in line at Wendy's when a bunch of national guardsmen came in full fatigues. My son was obsessed with GI JOE. Не begins yelling mom it's GI JOE! Then proceeds asking them where Snake Eyes was. I'm dying of embarrassment until they tell him that he wasn't on this mission and then ask if they can take him out to show him the trucks and equipment. My son talked about nothing else for weeks. Our service men and women rock!
. 9y ago When I was a kid my mum worked as a teller in the bank. One day | was behind the counter with her for some reason and she turned away. I took this opportunity to press the emergency alarm button under the desk, which was just about face height.
9y ago We were in Belfast visiting family during the troubles. We were on the bus one day and our oldest, who was maybe 11 at the time, asked very loudly Why do those men have guns? speaking about the soldiers. We said we'd tell him later, as everyone on the bus were looking at us and he kept on But I want to know now! Little shit.
G4rve 9y ago When my son was around 3 we were walking around the small town I'm from with him on my shoulders. We turned one corner to find a funeral group outside a church standing sombrely, watching as the coffin was loaded into the hearse. My son spotted someone he knew in the group. I knew he'd call to them so turned to walk back the way we'd come. I felt him twisting on my shoulders, and just as the hearse drove slowly off heard my son's shrill voice shouting as loud as he could, Byeee..!! Byeee..!
are-you-sitting-down 9y ago Edited 9y ago My son asked someone who has dwarfism why they were so short. We were in the grocery store. I was mortified. The lady looked at me, I sputtered out my first thought Because God made her that way. And then I was mortified with myself. However, the lady looked me directly in the eye, and said Thank you and smiled. I think of it now often as I work with disabled or as some say specially-abled. People are people and we come in all shapes, sizes, and special abilities.
berthejew 9y ago Shopping with my then three year old daughter and mother. Burlington Coat Factory, if it matters- the racks were all very short and you could see throughout the store,, as well as hear. My daughter saw a lady smiling at her a few rows over and said loudly, Look mama, that ladies' teeth are SUCH a pretty yellow! She quit smiling.
KingOfDamnation . 9y ago When my mom and grandma took me to wal mart as kid I told my grandma very loudly I don't know what mommy and daddy do at bedtime but it sounds like a zoo in their bedroom Grandma still hasn't let that go 15 years later.
II_Confused 9y ago This happened when my daughter was two years old and still learning the ways of talking. We were in the grocery store and I picked up a bag of coffee, showed it to her, and told her This is coffee. Your dad likes his coffee in the morning, it's like crack. What did she say? MY DADDY LIKES HIS CRACK IN THE MORNING! Good times.
isfturtle . 9y ago When I was 11, I was at a cousin's wedding, and I was thinking about them having children, and how soon it could be. Then I thought of my own parents, realized something, and shouted to my mom in the middle of the reception dinner, Mommy, you were pregnant when you got married!
jitspadawan 9y ago My mom accidentally got the how to use a toilet video for boys instead of for girls. This caused some confusion in my sister, who let it be known one day in church, very loudly during a pause in the sermon, that she had a penis. My mom was embarrassed as hell, but we think it's hilarious now.

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