30 Wild Times People Got ‘Monkey’s Pawed’

‘I killed my grandma’
30 Wild Times People Got ‘Monkey’s Pawed’

There’s a delicate art to making a wish. You have to craft addendums to each aspiration, like “I want this without anyone dying” or “I don’t want to regret it” in order to feel comfortable hoping for something. There’s no proof that those qualifiers mean anything, but these days, it doesn’t hurt to include them — especially given the following stories. 

One Redditor, for example, wished for a promotion, only to later find out that their upward mobility meant their colleague’s position was terminated. Another’s parents spent 15 years wishing all of their neighbors would move away, but when a wildfire came and destroyed every home except theirs, they realized they actually missed living near all those people. 

A bunch more Redditors recalled the wishes they should’ve been more careful about making, including the guy who’s three for three on getting the worst possible version of what he thought he wanted.

yawaworht_suoivbo_na 13y ago . A couple of fellow editors at my college paper expressed an interest in having something interesting happen on campus. Well, they got it. One fraternity and one sorority scandal later, lawyers were involved and other editors were threatened. + 17 ...
 13y ago E When I was little I thought getting shots at the doctor's office was fun for some reason. One day in school we read a story about a kid with diabetes and I thought to myself, it sure would be cool to have diabetes, I would get shots all the time. When I was 20 I got diabetes. Now I've been in two comas and my feet hurt all the damn time. 8 ...
 13y ago I wanted my brother to get a girlfriend and get out of the house, now He's going out with a fake- tanned redneck ginger girl that appears to have never read a book in her life, whereas he's got an IQ around 130+. She's not a very nice person either. + 67 ...
ericaamericka 13y ago When I was about 19, I hadn't gotten even a cold for about two years. I was also working a lot and didn't have a lot of free time. I really needed a day off so I said offhandedly to a couple of my friends that I wished I would just get sick so I could have a day off. About a week later I got whooping cough and was sick for the next 8 months. + 79 ...
Bnobriga1 1y ago . Wished for UBI, and universal healthcare. I was in a horrible life altering accident and now get disability, and healthcare through the VA. Honestly it's still pretty chill though. 34 ...
Sakkarose 1y ago . I wished for shorter lines at Disneyland because we had accidentally booked tickets on a holiday and the night before my friend tore her meniscus and we ended up still going because she said the tickets were too much money. We bypassed the lines because she used an ECV but it was miserable. 29 ...
TheRedditScout 4y ago My family would always go visit my great grandma and don't get me wrong I love her but I didn't like leaving to see her so I wished on a shooting star I saw one night that we didn't have to keep visiting her.Not even a week later my great grandma died.l killed my grandma mom.
bcmachine 4y ago I wished I could find the discipline to cut down on drinking alcohol, then I got gastritis (basically stomach inflammation), now I can't have any alcohol, or caffeine, or spicy food, or basically anything fun. + 7 ...
for2fly 13y ago Years ago, a week or so before Valentine's Day, my wife mentioned to me how she wished we could spend all Valentine's Day in bed. We got to spend all Valentine's Day in bed. We both ended up with room-spinning, projectile-vomiting flu. We had it so bad, my in-laws had to watch our children for us. About halfway through the day, I turned to her and said, well, you got to spend today in bed. How do you like it so far? She just laughed and replied, not what I had in mind. + 280 ...
Decent-Quit8600 1y ago I wished that I could spend time with my family more often than just once a year visits. About a month later I was homeless, and had to move states to live with them. We get so MUCH time now...and we all wanna strangle each other sometimes lol 35 ...
Natalie_The_Bat 1y ago . As a child I wished to own this small toy brown car that my great aunt owned, it was the type you pedaled to get around. I got it after she passed away. Never felt worse for wanting something. I know it wasn't because of me but it was so coincidental that I still feel bad. 59 ...
Clear-Cellist-1085 1y ago e We wanted to be a dual income family. After a lot of hard work, my wife got her dream job. We started earning more as a family, but had to stay away from each other (different cities) for ~2 years. Brutal two years 56 ...
IronMike69420 1y ago . Wished for a new supervisor. Got a worse supervisor. Wished for a new work truck. Got a roach infested truck. Wished for more overtime. Suddenly overtime is mandatory and I don't want THAT much overtime 58 ...
HistoricalThunder 1y ago I wished for a star wars sequel trilogy. Now I have to live with the regret. + 71 ...
latinbootybabe . 1y ago wanted to take a vacation from work, ended up getting let go 310 ...
 1y ago в Wanted to be able to stay up as late as I wanted as a kid, have worked night shift for years 149 ...
Niceguy4186 1y ago e When I was younger, joking about having the average 2.4 kids. One of my kids ended up with growth deficiency and was extremely short. (Now have 4 kids, but that always stuck in my mind + 125 ...
maxdragonxiii 1y ago wanted to walk better and more frequently. got a job where it takes 30 minutes to walk there, now my shitty ankles and feet are injuring themselves whenever I do rehab or daily walking to my job. + 97 ...
Karnezar 1y ago I wanted to serve in a fancy restaurant. Now I do, and it's dead most of the time and the guests who do come try to spend as little as possible... + 89 ...
MeadFromHell 1y ago Wanted to lose some weight. Managed it pretty quickly, with unexplained crippling stomach pains, puking after eating certain foods that I've never had trouble with before, and general stomach and bowel hell. Have had couple of cameras up the butt and that fun stuff, still going through the investigations now. But hey I dropped a fair few dress sizes so I guess I got what I wanted? 362 ...
slynnmart 1y ago F Husband made me drop out of college when we got married. Always wanted to go back so I did as soon as we got divorced 15 years later. Majored in marketing because I had loved my corporate job in the 90s. Things are very different now. Up to my eyeballs in student loans just to find out how toxic corporate life is now 368 ...
Bebe_Bleau 1y ago When I was a kid I always wanted a Swiss Army knife. I thought they were so cool. Finally, as a young adult, when I had some extra money, I bought one of my own. I had ordered it online, and I was so excited when it finally came. I opened the package, then opened the knife, and immediately cut myself in the process. It wasn't bad but it stung. Still, I had my beloved knife and I kept it in my desk at work so I can see it everyday. It made me so happy just
Puzzled_Muzzled . 1y ago Wanted to have a kid, here comes the twins + 421 ...
Maleficent_Scale_296 1y ago I wished I didn't have to go to my awful mother-in- laws house for her birthday. My husband let my eight year old hold the retractable leash while walking the dog that morning. Dog ran, child did not and was pulled off her feet straight into a brick curb. Major concussion, two days in the hospital. I didn't have to go to the birthday thing. I have not made a wish of any kind since then. + 1K ...
gh234ip 1y ago e I wished for the money to payoff my car and all my bills, I got the money when my brother died and left me money in his will. + 11K ...
ruralexcursion 1y ago в Wanted to start a successful company. I did it and lost the love of my life because I was never home. + 986 ...
OrangeTree81 1y ago In August 2022 I booked a trip to London for October. Made a joke about wanting to be in the same room as the Queen while I was there. Well I did technically end up in the same room as the Queen, she was just 6 feet under me in St George's Chapel. + 3.3K ...
 1y ago I got promoted. Something I wanted for a while. I went to go tell a colleague and his desk was being emptied. In order to promote me they let go of him. he hadn't been performing as well.. they could have kept both of us but since I asked for the promotion, in order to keep me they canned them. It was devastating for him but I never told him what they told me. I just lived with it and let him rant. I lost touch after a while but I don't think he ever put two
FartAttack911 1y ago Not me but my parents. For the 15 years my parents lived at their current home, they absolutely deplored a couple of the neighbors they shared property borders with. It became a mantra for my parents to say I wish they'd all just move away! Flash forward to 2018; a huge wildfire came to town and destroyed most of the area. My parents' entire neighborhood burnt down except for their house and a neighbor down the road. After a few months of living in their house with all the former neighbors now gone, my parents got extremely
DuHast1996 0 13y ago When I was 9, a friend of mine had broken her ankle. I was intrigued, and wanted to know what a broken bone felt like. I wanted to be able to walk, so I hoped that I would break my arm at some point. A few months later, I fell while climbing a tree and snapped my elbow right in half. Needed pins in it to fix it. It was not as fun as I thought it might be. Though I did have a pretty rainbow cast. 12 ...

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