43 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, August 9, 2024

What a strange state to be in
43 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, August 9, 2024

Apple TV+ is hard at work filling the sports comedy-sized hole in its programming. For starters, it’s greenlit a new untitled golf comedy starring Owen WilsonJudy Greer and Marc Maron that follows an “over-the-hill, ex-pro golfer” trying to make something out of his dead-end life. But Ted Lasso co-creator Bill Lawrence is really hoping to kick this push into high gear. While Ted Lasso ended last year, Lawrence continues to tease a return to the pitch — this time putting the fate of the show in the hands of star Jason Sudeikis. 

Lawrence revealed in a conversation with Collider that “whatever Jason feels like doing and whatever his decision is, we’re all down with it.” It’s anyone’s guess, though, what that decision will be. 

Over on Twitter, the timeline is fueling a very funny Friday — Sudeikis or no Sudeikis. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a pressing debate question, the ugly truth about your camera and the price you pay for getting high with a white girl.

Joe Dillon @joffocakes 23h ... absolute bargain if any of yous have a use for 7,949,020,598 wasps en 5% THE CAB EXTRA KIBI FIOUR 07949 020 598 0 WASPS CA NG £50 46 844 11.4K del 262K
Certified Hoodie Thief 13h ... Y'all ever leave your to go box at the restaurant? CG 0:06 278 2,795 10.6K 344K
nova @comfypill 22h ... still learning basic social skills in my 20s that most people develop by the time they're like 12 233 12.6K 67.4K del 1M
+ + beatrice + @bea... 21h ... froggy on the froggy chair 110 3,904 25.1K 532K
Alex Baze @bazecraze.10h I like to watch the Olympics and guess how far into each event I would die. 43 637 4,608 del 171K
L HOURLY shitpost @h....16h ... quieres 4:58 PM I was short 5:00 PM ??? 5:00 PM I mean I was shot by gun 5:01 PM Oh my god go to the hospital 5:01 PM Already there 5:02 PM Why are you on Grindr Delivered 5:02 PM I'm looking for long-term relationship 18 1,688 34.6K 901K
Julie Saint of Flowers @JuSup... 16h ... Society used to put people like this in a YM W JVVO facility and just electrocute them all day. RNT Raphouse TV (RHTV) @r..... 1d Woman Surprises Her Self With A Marriage Proposal. WOMAN SURPRISES HER SELF W/ A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL Ig:@Raphousetv ally surprised my BE a marriage area Raphouse I finally surprised myself with a marriage proposal RHTV 388 8,868 61.9K 2.3M
tess @tesspaisan 15h ... When I'm 3 drinks in and I hear someone light a cigarette CC FRAGILE RET SIMONE 0:01 USA 2-TIME BRONZE MEDALIST BILES BALANCE BEAM SPRING, TX From Holly Anderson 202 5,982 68K 2.5M
Sophie @SophieAziz123.16h ... My son drew this picture of a giraffe. Не explained that he ran out of room for the giraffe's head I like it! 561 1,877 37.3K del 309K
S @propaganda91-13h @h3xenbrenner2 My first time at a glory hole | tried to push my balls through as well and the guy laughed at me. How was I supposed to know 5:27 PM 12/4/22 Twitter for iPhone 175 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 3,760 Likes pffft @LW19271084 4h ... Replying to @h3xenbrenner2 Не was probably unhappy with his own life. Don't even think about him. 4 487 9,963 205K
Jack Schlossberg @JBKSchloss... . 1h ... Any fun plans this weekend? This question is a TRAP. If YES, you think you're better than me. If NO, you think you're better than me. Not sure yet? Think you're better than me? That's why I respond MAYBLE with a SMILE:) 61 426 4,668 105K
jean genet besserit @TW1NK... 21h ... DO YOU MEAN YOUR FRIEND GROUP????? king, physical therapy, al th my platonic polycule. mental well-being. You ( ounity that wants to take 294 10.9K 164K 3.2M
The Princess & The Frog @Gab... 1d ... I just looked at myself in the mirror (no makeup, natural hair vibes) & was like wow im so pretty let me take a picture... yall that picture was so ugly. I want my camera to stop fuckin playing wit me. 459 6,035 64.4K del 1M
Mr. Coconut Treefied 23h Must See TV Thursday Will he Say It? Andrew Prokop @awpr... 23h People close to him have raised concerns about how he will handle being onstage with a Black woman x.com/AaronBlake/sta... 24 2,472 33.7K 1.3M
dee. @Lecij_ . 1d Went through TJ phone & didn't find nothing crazy. But he sends pics of everything I cook to his lil groupchat & be saying he helped?? 161 3,214 147K 1.9M
heather @prettyalbatross- 19h some of the greatest tweets have been made by people mad at their roommate ؟ 5 vy @vivnworld. 1d T is :AAA S @bacneprincex-1 1m idc if you're nonbinary wake up before 3pm 1 :AAA @bacneprincex 2m idc if you're nonbinary throw your food away before you put your dishes in the sink 1 :AAA @bacneprincex 4m idc if you're nonbinary take out the trash 2 :ÁÃA @bacneprincex 4m idc if you're nonbinary put the toilet seat down 2 36 5,927 76.5K 1.2M
Flea @flea333.20h Yes Bass Magazine @BassMa... 21h Did this cartoon make anyone else want to play upright bass as a kid? 92 1,257 17.4K 482K
Ricky Knuckles @TheRickDoofus.1d ... Large cat I saw on my walk 101 832 23.2K 329K
bkr @bkrewind 13h Oh wow okay she's CATHOLIC catholic Jeremy Konyndyk @Jeremy... . .1d This whole thing is quite a read, but wow this kicker newyorker.com/ news/daily-com... Pelosi recalled a saying she'd once come across: It said, 'When one day I go happily to meet my creator, he will say to me, Show me your wounds. And if I have no wounds he will say, Was nothing worth fighting for? 'You've got to be proud of your wounds. 4 121 3,032 105K
claayyyyuuhhhh @skylarkifvt.1 19h ... DO NOT get high W a white girl. my new roommate gave me a gummy and said it would give me a chill high. 2hrs later i was hallucinating that a demon named Mister Shouldn't had latched onto me at my old house and followed me to my new apartment 19 875 15.8K 296K
Beige @Beigerevenge 1d Billy the my kids hate me @MysterySolvent2.0 @Da... . 2d What would Elon Musk's cowboy outlaw name be? 18 526 12.8K 283K
Zeelu @girlspope. 1d imagine being annoyed af already and then u start hearing french 205 10.2K 80.8K 3.7M
mega mega white thing @pro... 12h ... highkey gaaaaay to instantly clock a tiffany necklace us pic amala pisses mbox W Summarize this email JD Vance 21:45 Unsubscribe ... to me Friend, when I saw this picture on Twitter, it instantly pissed me off. THIANY&Co. a Search Home Josesity Parabeny Today is the day I Tiffany.HardWear hope you will donate Bold Graduated Link Necklace in Yellow Gold 15.3K C Complimentary Shipping A Returns 22 Quantity Kamala Harris $62,000 Add to Bog 301 Please forgive my language, but look at the price on the bottom right $62 000 42 699 26.3K 462K
Lani @missbandssss.21h ... delaware Chris @iamchriscorooo - 1 1d what's it called when ur delusional but self aware 518 22.7K 104K 4.1M
dr. bitch @borzoilover47.21h u should think about cutting out caffeine would you ask an angel to consider removing their wings? 9 1,339 5,500 del 112K
Zack Budryk @BudrykZack·2 2h ... This is the most Danny McBride-coded woman I've ever seen mariah @mariahkreutter.4 4h I could live all my life and never come up with anything as funny as Raygun, the 36-year-old Australian Olympic breakdancer RAYGUN (15) AUS 15 419 8,405 332K
Tom Smyth @Tom_Smyth_ 23h ... can't wait to see this movie SEPTEMBER 5, 1976 The writers are stoned. The set is on fire. The sound system is fucked. The actors are physically assaulting each other. The crew is in open revolt. They have 90 minutes to get their shit together or the network is pulling the plug. THE MUPPET SHOW EXCLUSIVELY IN THEATERS PLAY THE MUSIC. LIGHT THE LIGHTS. 1.2K 9 15K 289K
Dim @DimPacifistV2 - 1d Dim @DimPacifistV2.5m dont piss me off WHERE IS IT X 19/20 1 2 37 strawberry number 20 @Pierrepilled I'm so nervous.. 11K 181K 1.4M 46
Real Bravoholic @RealBravoholic. 1d can yall watch them while I go smoke Dorinda Ramona Sonja Kim ZB Nene Vicki Teresa Rinna 16 434 6.1K 165K
Socialist Swann @SocialistSwann. 1d ... Which way western man NWKS ..... CIW and - BROK FCB Toilets Marx HIGHGATE CEMETERY. EAST. 85 2K 44K 883K
Brown Anthony™ @anthelonious. 1d ... Roxie Hart: TODAY WIAWIS I felt my baby kick... and then I shot a 10. Archer Yaylagul Ramazanova 29 2K 13K 6.5M
Jerms @LordJerms 1d my job don't need me 5 days a week, they dragging it 22 5.5K 20K 548K
Jacob Light @jlight_ 1d Me throughout grad school Remy Ma, 43, claims she's 35: 'I don't count the years in prison' By Tashara Jones Published June 2, 2023, 4:41 p.m. ET 19 831 12K 681K
whitney @ItsWhitneyLeann·1 1d ... This moment calls for an expert Amy Kaufman @AmyKinLA - 1d Lorne Michaels offered Steve Martin the Tim Walz 'SNL' gig this morning, per @GlennWhipp. Martin declined. I said, 'Lorne, I'm not an impressionist. You need someone who can really nail the guy.' I was picked because I have gray hair and glasses.... 7 157 3.2K 123K
esquizogata @rebkkkj.18h пос PER Google Play ROBLOX $10 '25 x '50 X ax $100 Distorsión formativa 394 14K 183K 3.6M
Zito @_Zeets 18h They don't even look at their wives like this Sports @NBCSpor... 18h NBC Sports THAT GOLD MEDAL GAME FEELING. #ParisOlympics USA USA 12 USA ALT 222 7,585 134K 4M

 Image provided by Cracked

rev @whyrev 10h ... Love when short people take photos with other short people to trick the audience into thinking they're average height '@cravemedia_. 11h 18 936 39.4K 506K
abcdent @abcdentminded 1d ... Every now and then the onlyfans bot accounts really catch me off guard @evan_985.9h evan i will never understand how people see this and think it looks good 289 993 18K 350K Lulu Follow @UrCutieLulu I helped design these characters but got fired after giving my boss the best head he's ever had 5:40AM 8/8/24 From Earth . 3 3.2K Views 3 Reposts 5 Likes 2 Bookmarks 44 2,038 24.7K 440K
mavi @chcklntz 17h This is the only fucking Post I can see now since Instagram got banned in my Country Follow howitfeelstochewfivegum THIS IS System Of A Down 163,112 likes howiffeelstochewfivegum Life is a waterfall View all 244 comments July 11 116 7,370 97.2K 1M
Catboy Summer 2024 @TuccLux 1d ... bore witness to what must have been the worst draft pour of my entire life earlier this week CITY FINEST ALES as Lemen Peus DAILY SPECIALS MON - INDUSTRY/LOCALS بعمال Bama F5 Whiskey NIGHT shot, AGAVE. thing They VES Lemon P J' Fequila shot, TUE is C3 Tager ett B fries TRIVIA TUESDAY - and TING local gin and an DRAFT WED as it melts. WINE WEDNESDAY ngs 12 Officer SON off select wine bottles caber M 75 ABV B 48% & off all glass, $5 off bottles 5.3W ABV7 IP arny dessert и 5.6% ABV 8.5 THU
William B. Fuckley @opinonha... 10h ... @grantbels today i learned anthropologists can tell which long dead people chose to spend their time hiking long distances, which spent years hunched over making pottery, which were ball players, which threw thousands of spears, which chose to spend a life playing the clarinet- all by analyzing the patterns of wear on their bones. how beautiful: the way you choose to spend your time gets etched into your bones. the choices you make and the experiences you have alter the literal structure of your being. your will and intentions- your mind- become matter, grooves
Wild TikToks с @wildtiktokss. dd ... Me watching someone who makes twice my salary struggle to save a PDF 72 8,215 99.8K 1.8M
PERSONAL sreekar @sreekyshooter 17h ... one of the greatest philosophers of my generation Mike Finger @mikefinger 18h Kevin Durant, on patriotism, and playing for Team USA: A lot of bullshit happens in our country. But a lot of great things happen, too. USA 24 024 92 12.8K 124K 4.2M

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