32 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, August 6, 2024

Trash is part of the food pyramid
32 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, August 6, 2024

The Oscars might still be strapped for an emcee, but it looks like the Emmys found a double dose of big names to helm their show. According to DeadlineEugene and Dan Levy are in talks to take the reins from Anthony Anderson and host this year’s Primetime Emmy Awards. Should a deal come to fruition, they will be the first father-son team to oversee the proceedings. It wouldn’t, though, be the first time they made familial history on the Emmy stage — the pair became the first father-son duo to win Emmys in the same year when Schitt’s Creek swept the comedy categories back in 2020. Let’s hope the negotiations include an appearance from Moira Rose and a little bit of Alexis. 

Meanwhile, Paul Feig is in the middle of his very first sequel. He described the experience as “nerve-racking,” but he’s optimistic about where things are headed. He screened a director’s cut of the still-untitled A Simple Favor sequel, and shared that the reactions were promising. Feig told Decider that although the Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick star vehicle won’t be hitting Prime Video until sometime next year, he likes to test early “just to see if everything’s working.” 

As far as the timeline goes, we’ve tested some hilarious tweets, and they passed with flying colors. Today’s funniest include those about feeding your inner raccoon, a LinkedIn banger in the making and the sexiest way to spice up the least sexy name.

;p @clarasnine. 23h week two of biweekly pay #SHHNOWMAN @tonyshh... 1d I hate being at this bitch house Talm bout ain't no cups 33 2,209 30.7K 931K
the dice-rolling assassin 22h ... How Donnie darkheads look at you after the movie is finished before asking you did you get it? 42 387 6,203 148K
lan Cohen @en_cohen. 6h UNCONVINCING EMO LYRICS John M. Cunningham @jm... 6h Tim Walz is the first person on a Democratic presidential ticket not to have attended law school since Jimmy Carter in 1980. 8 1,789 24K 666K
Soraya Sebghati @SorayaSpa... 14h ... Last night at Inherent Vice the guy introing asked everyone to raise their hands if they were stoned and my broken brain was like this whole screening is a trap set up to arrest these stoners 18 166 4,187 105K
kk @kaylakahlo. 1d ... i just need to lock in 37 15.9K 54.4K 2M
d @filmvirgo 22h ... : i always get this feeling that i should be elsewhere 6 2,241 12.5K 205K
JOAN OF ART @umcornell 19h ... when the bouncer is asking to search 134 - and inside my bag but i have a bag of weed and a switch blade at the bottom cg 0:03 From reaction encyclopedia 29 2,947 35K 693K
Kiki Ball-Change @kiki... 23h ... Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil. POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.1 1d Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan, and Billie Eilish are the only female artists in the top 10 on the Hot 100 this week. 100 18K 167K del 2.8M
LorazeKim TM 23h ... One time I called the cops on my own party because I was tired and wanted to go to bed 22 139 1,804 del 53.4K
Heather @heatherjs• 1d There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second. 11 1,717 18.6K 378K
seb @lovesickseba 1d .. when a customer gets mad at you so they try to scare you by asking you what your name is............ 319 4,288 83.3K del 2.2M
depths of wikipedia! @depths... 13h ... imagine being assistant to the guy who WIKIPEDIA invented spinal anesthesia and having to get smacked in the balls to test how well it was working Bier performed a cocaine spinal anesthetic on Hildebrandt. After the injection, Hildebrandt was temporarily unable to move or feel any sensation in his legs. The profound anesthesia of his legs was demonstrated using increasingly painful stimuli, including a needle inserted down to the femur, a blow with an iron hammer to the shins, forceful avulsion of pubic hair, and strong pressure and traction to the testicles.  Later
derek guy @dieworkwear 14h ... Replying to @dieworkwear so the falcon was sitting with a dead bear in your car while you were getting lunch at peter lugers? 36 191 3,463 161K
Granite Man @GraniteDhuine. 1d ... I think you should be able to call in sick for work when you feel a sense of wistful melancholy. 20 499 4,235 76.6K
DAI @danielleedai. 1d my bd takes nothing serious we're literally ina hospital for our bby & he says  this the same room eleven was in on stranger things 723 1,242 34K 464K
sophia @pastoralcomical . 3h ... im constantly wearing normal outfits to work and my most zoomer coworker is always like ok office siren it's giving y2k futch etc 4 26 1,426 25.1K
annabella @toebruises. 4h Post miki @mikugly nothing gets white people more excited than a presidential candidate impersonation on SNL they be geeked as hell 2:43 PM 9/29/19 لدار View analytics 2.5K Reposts 129 Quotes 22K Likes 133 Bookmarks Abby Barr @1AbbyRoad 5h so Steve Martin is definitely gonna play Walz on SNL right 11 1,053 16.1K 406K
Popeyes spokesman @Lilk... 21h ... I spotted a dude in the gym while he benched like 310 and once he was done I hit him with the signature good shit bro I'm trying to get like you.....dude said Don't be like me bro, I'm on steroids. ..... shit got awkward because I didn't know what to say to that 230 1,932 21.6K del 705K
BUNTUBADU @boontu_mkize 1d ... god sacrificed his only son. trust me bro, he is fine with abortions 685 12.2K 72.1K 4.2M
bort @tacobort.16h HingeX subscribers go on 3x more dates cool so what is 0 times 3 12 115 2,528 del 53.5K
Richard Vein @VeinRichard - 2h ... i this user has fallen victim to Satan's most obvious lie name cannot be blank @stf... 1d There are no benefits to being a good person. x.com/moh_mi/status... 2 290 5,060 91.5K
Meg @megannn_lynne 20h ... Taco Bell isn't even good Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone 102 8,887 71K 2M
derek guy @dieworkwear 20h 8 year old me when i wore light-up sneakers: Mark Gutman @MarkGut... 1d People walking on the streets like nothing is happening. Unbelievable. 22 414 10.3K 385K
hibachi_2 @d0n_ella 1d ... homer lone @homervstheworld - 1 1d can you uber eats cigarettes? 182 6.1K 80K del 2.3M
dream song 4 @chickenpaprika 14h as someone who recently furnished an apartment, i can tell you it's called one hundred thousand dollars alex+ @portesobscurity . 1d idk what this kind of interior decorating this is called but i love it Goods Pici LOEWE David Do. 34 2.5K 65K 1M
Poor Lawyer @poorlawyer 3h ... Me reaching for the iPhone cord while still sitting on the couch: 24 11 391 12K del 214K
Azad Yakatally @AYakatally - 1d Her LinkedIn post about this is going to break the app. FOS Front Office Sports @FOS. 1d Kristen Faulkner didn't start cycling until after school at Harvard. In 2021, she quit her job as a venture capitalist to pursue it. She wasn't even supposed to race today until a teammate resigned. She's now the first American to win gold in the women's road race in 40 years. SOUTH PARIS 201 23 4K 93K 1.9M
sarah @sablaah 16h ... why did they have my grandpa's basketball team posing like that 22 19 43 1,052 26.9K
Jenn @JuniperFolly.1 1d Kamala Harris: daisy dan goose tackett 1d personalized lingerie that says doug wearing his name to surprise him >> DULCE STORE PARIS 4 338 12.5K 476K
Christopher Hooks @cd_hooks.20h ... It's been two years and one week and the boys are still debating what happened to me on this night Today, 2:21 AM Thanks for riding with us © OpenStreetMap Park Slope Crown Heig 27 th Slope Brooklyn Your Trip Start Lincoln PI & Classon Ave 2:21 AM End Prospect Ave & Greenwood Ave 3:47 AM 84 752 44.1K 1.5M
Zero Cool @DGRMSP. 15h I love how Chappell Roan and Noah Kahan are two of the absolute biggest powerhouses in music right now but also look like they live together in a 2006 Subaru Outback ss Noah Kahan @NoahKahan 18h Thank you lowa, sorry for how sweaty and weird I happen to be 41 2,213 58.6K 2.2M
Old Internet @OldInternetFeel. 1d ... Th SEGA SEGA OF 26 1,288 10.3K 237K

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