26 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, May 2, 2024

It’s the least they could do…
26 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, May 2, 2024

More charmed than cursed, Emma Stone and Nathan Fielder are reuniting sooner rather than later. The Curse duo will be taking their chemistry behind the camera as Fielder is set to direct an adaptation of one of chess’ biggest scandals with Stone and her husband Dave McCary producing. The source material comes from Ben Mezrich, whose work has been previously adapted into films like The Social Network and Dumb Money. A24, which helped bring The Curse to Showtime, beat out other studios with a hefty seven-figure deal that had everyone screaming, “Checkmate!”

If audiences have their say, Fielder’s feature directorial debut will clock in at exactly 92 minutes. An online survey conducted by Talker Research concluded that respondents preferred a 92-minute runtime, with only 15 percent finding films over 120 minutes acceptable and an even smaller percentage being okay with movies longer than two-and-a-half hours. Although the April survey was limited to 2,000 Americans, this sentiment is regularly echoed on Twitter, with users constantly clamoring for the return of shorter movies. Bring back the tight 90!

Meanwhile, things are short and sweet on the timeline thanks to all the punchy jokes. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a plea for landlords to be grateful, the feminine urge to be boss(wo)man and the father who isn’t going to let fame change him.

Willie Muse @Williesillie2. 1d This is what I'm picturing when people say microplastics ست Nostalgia @NostalgiaFoL... 1d Floam commercial (2003) CC 1:08 52 6,850 109K del 2.6M
Matthew Ferrari @MatthewFe... 14h ... one ticket for Challengers. I said one ticket for Challengers. No just one. No I'm here alone. No I said I'm seeing it alone 20 1,287 18K du 590K
YT @yungtolz 17h If she's behind the counter that's bossman bro I dunno what to tell you Riley @imdrip777.20h Watched a guy call a teenage girl bossman the other day just because she was behind the counter in a shop 21 8,743 107K 2.3M
leon @leyawn. 1d (while beating you with a hammer) imagine if it was the other guy. he has a bigger hammer 63 6,700 37.6K 644K
IIIIIII @JMEZ_..1 19h My coworker seen me putting on sunscreen and said oh wow, I didn't know you guys used that. I'm gonna drop through the roof of the HR office like a SWAT raid. 78 4,388 31.3K 985K
Josh Trebach, MD @jtrebach 17h ... my husband and I were running from a demon who was trying to kill us (in a video game) and I was about to die bc I couldn't find a hiding spot but then my husband gave me his hiding spot and the demon killed him instead of me and I was like omg babe noo and then I looted his body 94 1,575 28.4K 608K
Dad Named Matt @mahna... 1d ... When I sprayed my foot with tinactin my TROPHY 6yo asked what it was for and I told him athletes foot then he said but daddy you're not an athlete and I am so sad that he'll never understand how sick the burn was that he delivered. 8 436 17.2K del 213K
Katie D @KatieDeal99.2 2h My daughter asked me if the tooth fairy would only give money for *her* teeth and I'm a little concerned 33 191 3,311 61.2K
robyn (derogatory) @typically... 20h ... Oh that's not- Today 17:27 You must be Irish right it Robyn? Because you're seriously giving me the troubles 29 154 6,361 418K
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix 4h ...  Me: Put your homework in your backpack. Child: I know.  Me: Put your homework in your backpack. Child: I know.  Me: Did you put your homework in your backpack? Child: I will.  Text from child at school: you won't believe this 13 67 1,769 29K
BRYN_BORANGA @BRYN_BOR... 1d ... there's a guy in my village who tells everyone that he went to the Liverpool College of Art the year after John Lennon left. I'm like cool I didn't go to college with John Lennon either 16 139 5,626 del 104K
nikki bikki @nikkiii_x0.1d sharing an amazon prime account with your best friend is so entertaining because WHY IS THIS IN THE CART Proceed to checkout (5 items) Compare with similar items Share Animal in Heat Veterinary Labels 1 X 1.5 Inch 500 Total Stickers $1959 MAL ANIMAL ANIM prime Two-Day HEAT IN HEAT IN НЕ FREE delivery Thu, May 2 FREE Returns Only 20 left. Order now. Save more with Subscribe & Save 1 + Delete Save for later Compare with similar items Share 72 2,175 37K 1.2M
chad @badboychadhoy 21h ... how you gonna be 5'8 dropping weights in the gym. the ground is right there just put them down 80 1,873 33.8K del 1.4M
BIG мо... @JaYunnaMonae-21h ... Not watching Lifetime nomo all they do is hit people in the head & take they baby 323 3,214 17.6K 1.2M
Red Sky At Night @redskyatni... 21h ... Please enjoy yet another example of the staggering stupidity of my mum's tortoise, whom she found stuck in this position THREE TIMES yesterday 125 1,275 23.8K 495K
so BAD IT'S GOOD Ryne Bailey @ryanbailey25.1d He's been sober this whole time? Page Six @PageSix1 1d Page Six Alec Baldwin reflects on nearly 40 years of sobriety, admits he does 'miss drinking' trib.al/FQDBiAP ALEC BALOWIN or Degree - ALEC ree ORANT BALON - TACO BE 244 4,819 82.8K 4M
Emotional Black Male @tal... 1d ... The carpenter I called to fix my bathroom door locked himself inside for the past 20mins. I have been on noise canceling headphones playing FIFA and didn't hear him banging and wailing DE GIF LAKERY 14 32 Jock una 14 161 3,251 25.9K 860K
eve @LESLIEKNOPE.7h voter ID is going well, very nearly got turned away with my own ID and ended up with a bunch of women huddled around my driving licence debating whether or not i 'have the same nose' 41 216 8,301 403K
Grab the studs @FleetAvenue_. 1 15h ... Why this lil girl just say I look like under the bed I ain't never heard that one before 418 1,682 12.1K 553K
Insane Asylum Sources @h... 15h ... This picture is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It literally is like a 30 rock cutaway gag. Liz Lemon, I haven't been this angry since Ben Stiller and I got kicked out of Madison Square Garden for trying to fight Tyrese Maxey! Matt Jones @KySportsRa... . 1 1d Tracy Morgan giving Tyrese Maxey the middle finger after his game tying shot PHILA O 2024 NBA Playo 6 97
madiTS @illicitkyoto 17h ... just watched a movie that was actually from my watchlist GIF ALT 68 5,574 59.2K 922K
kennita @kkennap 1d ... this still from spongebob always spoke to me. it's just beautiful 78 12.5K 86.8K 1.7M
amber I I SAW ABIGAIL X3 @dja... 1d ... they can back up a bit Bloody Disgusting @BDi... 1d Two new character posters for The Strangers: Chapter 1 have been released so far this week. STRANGERS STRANGERS CHAPTER ! CHAPTER 1 31 2,036 34.8K 1.1M
depths of wikipedia! @depths... 18h ... WIKIPEDIA Dick Swett United States Ambassador to Denmark 31 384 5,342 186K
brint @brintrevised.21h he's super happy about his fame btw 115 Dad> Today 2:02 PM my dad really liked the new kung fu panda Dad now Did you see Kung Foo Panda 4 got a 72% on rotten tomatoes? Corporate cunts. 2:02 PM 8:17 PM 4/30/24 From Earth - 266K Views اراد View analytics 736 Reposts 33 Quotes 14K Likes 423 Bookmarks dad you're famous on twitter! 2:02 PM Read 2:02 PM Ok cool 2:03 PM I need vou to mow the front lawn 2:08 PM brint @brintrevised. 1d my dad really liked the new kung fu panda ee Kung Foo Par tomatoes? Corp
Youngmi MAYER @ymmay... 23h ... i feel like when my landlord gets my rent they should text me like thank you!! or got it or something 34 920 21.8K 588K


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