36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, March 11, 2024

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36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, March 11, 2024

Despite the wild discourse leading up to this year’s Oscars, Hollywood’s biggest night came and went relatively delightfully. John Cena stripped down, Messi the Dog made an appearanceMadame Web got roasted and Ryan Gosling delivered a technicolor performance of “I’m Just Ken” that had everyone preferring blondes. But the most exhilarating part of the evening was what John Mulaney managed to do with just 60 seconds of screentime. While presenting the award for Best Sound, the Baby J comedian delivered some of the night’s best jokes and inadvertently made a case for why he should host next year’s ceremony (or any televised awards show for that matter). 

Of course, the night wasn’t without its hiccups. Four-time host Jimmy Kimmel made it clear that he hates movies, legendary writer and producer Norman Lear was missing from the rather strange In Memoriam presentation, Al Pacino delivered Oppenheimer’s night-topping seventh Oscar in the most unhinged way imaginable and Killers of the Flower Moon went home empty-handed — which came as an absolute shock to Best Actress winner Emma Stone. 

But enough about the Oscars already, it’s the timeline that deserves all the awards in the world anyway, especially after this latest batch of hysterical tweets. Today’s funniest ones include those about a future tech CEO in the making, a thirsty horse and someone with profound respect for their elderly 23-year-old friends.

ARC II @arcsession.2 21h love yall I love my friends who are 23+ I know yall don't got much time left 211 5,845 46.9K 1.4M

soapy @soapyhadid 19h ... this is Robert Downey jr 20 2,660 38.6K 1.1M

sulky @sulky80715248-1d there are divine messages everywhere for those with psychosis symptoms to decipher 17 2,283 10.9K 241K

cass city @HeavenlyGrandpa 1d just got destroyed by an 8 year old in monopoly who, at the end, said to me everything you worked so hard for, i took away, and it made me feel good 302 8,524 136K 3.4M

10 @8200legend- 18h Hit her W that flex she gone be beggin fa some mo Position 253. Unique styles Dangerous SexPositions.Club 805 7,253 38.1K 4M

kimberly. @problemsthots.20h ... 76 2,281 26.4K 666K

derek guy @dieworkwear 17h ... me tweeting about actors with multi- million dollar careers: jacket too short. trousers too tight. wrinkles. LAGER 1 1,576 39.3K 150 1M

vitória @vtssts. 18h ... POOR THINGS 662 24K 201K 4.8M

Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJens... 23h ... have told many people about this neighborhood cat who fought both my dogs at once and won. finally got a pic that captures its tremendously sinister aura 1,033 2,061 34K 1.1M

kiwi @kiwehhhhh.1d My grandma thinks all scam calls are from the same Indian guy. He's been calling me for years, she says. 24 871 27.5K del 776K

zach silberberg @zachsilberberg- 1d ... (Neil deGrasse Tyson watching Ratatouille) this movie is ridiculous and unrealistic. that skinny ginger white boy could NEVER pull a french baddie, even WITH the rat's help 27 2,681 42.1K del 1M

sam @glass_cage_.1d ... Mom Morning! Had a dream you were a baby but M you could talk and you asked for scrambled eggs for breakfast 9 1,214 25.9K 486K

dirt girl @haterofwords2.20h was talking to my dad and he told me when he was 20 he did too many shrooms before work and called in evil he said he thought he was evil and couldn't come into work 90 10.3K 138K 3.3M

Nate @thenatewolf-17h ... There was a moth on my computer screen so I googled what eats moths? and found a picture of a bat. I moved the picture around the screen to try and simulate flying. The moth was undisturbed but my experiments continue. 34 2,606 43K 848K

@20mgadderall. 2d ... getting dolled up for the function just to get so drunk that i Beg god to ERM take my life + 12.2K 11 2,236 21.3K 432K

xavier @xariverr 11h ... getting ready for work I'M NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT Anything 8:47 i'm not passionate about anything &i have no talent. Candice Celeste 4.6K views 2 weeks ago 7 679 5.5K 146K

(Emilio Calderón) @Emilio.... 22h ... Ziggy Starbucks Mood GARATE FRESCA CAN FRESCA was 22K 293K 21 3.1K

zoe @zxebella 19h i know she can parallel park like a mf M @mansuroutsold.19h 2020 2024 68 1.5K 47K 2.1M

Microplastics Exploder @DiabolicalSpuds 21h The same thing happened to me at Kroger, brother JUST CAN'T WAIT I'M so HORNNY AND I GOTTA CRANK MY FREAKIN HOG TOILET ACCESS CARD TheAspiLawStudent @LawAspi.2 2d JUST CAN'T WAIT Hi @sainsburys your Kensington have a medical condition and store manager Marika just refused me need to access a toilet urgently TOILET ACCESS CARD access to a bathroom. Despite presenting this.... 48 2.4K 34K 2.9M

Cody @AltHistCody· 18h John Cena walks out naked in front of an audience and gets an applause. I walk out naked in front of an audience and get kicked out Chuck E Cheese. 4F DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm - 18h John Cena walking onto the #Oscars stage naked. See the full winners list: bit.ly/OscarWins24 CG LIVE 65K 119 4.3K 2.2M

maja @anyafilmed.3h ... IJBOL MZUMNO X 1,339 comments Sara laughing until he realize he has to present next year 5h Reply 27.2K 55 4.4K 986K 76K

Cam @THEKILLACAMMM. 20h ... I need all of my friends to stretch cause this the pose we doing for my bday pic: 79 5.5K 34K del 1M

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss 17h One Oscars rule that I have is when you say TO MY PARENTS UP THERE, you should have to clarify whether they are dead or in the balcony 20 299 5.9K 138K

Sophie Vershbow @svershbow 18h PSA that even though Poor Things just won 3 Oscars you should not watch it with your parents. #Oscars 37 169 2K 91K

John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner 22h ... Thinking about Jack Nicholson big timing Richard Dreyfuss at the 1978 Oscars RICHARD DREYFUSS: I had just won the Oscar, right. I get in the elevator to go back downstairs. Jack Nicholson gets into the elevator. There's me, a few other actors. Nicholson stands at the back, adjusting his shades, saying nothing. Then, just as the doors are about to open, he says to me, Bet you're glad I didn't make a film this year. I was. 573 19 7.2K 275K

Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo 18h ... Everyone who worked on Poor Things looks like this 38 1,105 33.3K 1M

Paul McCallion @OrangePaulp 15h ... me trying to remember those Billie eilish lyrics: Jorge Molina @colormejor... 16h This is why I became gay for  LIVE abc 30 1,968 46.6K 1.6M

jenni say kwa @a_essexy 1d ... Talking to this himbo that responded to his own text like?? girl Yesterday 11:16 PM Basically lol What're you up to tonight? Nothing cool. I laid low. Ate a couple edibles and watching Netflix in bed. What did you do? Today 10:48 AM That sounds like a perfect night | passed out hard. Still jet lagged a little. 65 516 19.7K 760K

tilly @teefortilly • 1d The person who said this to you rn: GIF PRESENCE @TazerBlack 1d 'The lights are on but nobody is at home.' Is that supposed to be a diss or CO... 143 14.6K 130K 4.4M

Annalise Keating @Ariannnyy_.16h ... Temu Colman Domingo Outlander Magazine 18h Donald Glover (2024) 2 FAIR X 10 286 1,930 143K

Homo Honey @DixPeyton 19h ... you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation... 7 1,763 27.9K 539K

Sorcha Ní Nia @Luiseach 1d ... WILL. JE. SUIS 17 will.je.suis SHOW! - adidas Chanteur et rapper 264 17.1K 155K 4.4M

gabe, allegedly @untiloasis 1d cover letter's looking good! 3/10/2024 To whom it may concern: Please please please please please please please. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please. Please please please. Please please please please please please please. Please please please please please please please please please please. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please

baber @bakerbakerbaker-2 21h ... me: i got your zone of interest right here pal  : how bout anatomy of my balls 5 242 4,484 del 168K

Vítor Gabriel @vtorg 16h ... 65 8,595 116K del 2M

+ ... * @COOLDADSO... . 15h you're never gonna believe what just happened tell me Delivered too LIVE horse in the bar 103 5,205 97.4K 1.5M

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