31 Embarrassingly Funny Things Toddlers Said in Public

‘Put me down, you idiot!’
31 Embarrassingly Funny Things Toddlers Said in Public

The things toddlers say and do are often a direct reflection of what they witness at home. So when your child excitedly yells, “We can punch a stranger in the face!” in front of a bunch of strangers, things can get a little awkward. People are naturally going to assume that you’re running a fight club in your basement, or teaching your child about the joy of violence at the dinner table. 

To that end, Redditors have begrudgingly shared the most humiliating things their kid ever yelled in public, and these stories serve as proof that while parenting isn’t easy, it can sometimes be hilarious.

Diplomat_Smurf . . 5y My friend's kid once asked his mom's female friend where her boobs were (The friend had much smaller breasts than his mom). That was certainly awkward for everyone present. ... 11.4k
laughingcow2012 . 5y My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls. ... 1.1k
Librariankat98 . 5y After hearing the phrase in a movie, my little one yelled, ,Put me down you idiot! in church. ... 7.3k
TishraDR . 5y I was with a group of friends and was asked if I drink. I said I don't really, and my daughter said but mom, you drink all the time. She had no idea the difference between drinking alcohol and drinking everything else. ... 11.8k
longmover79. 5y I was in Costco and my son (who was about 5 at the time) ran up to me, grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the next aisle. Dad! Dad! Look! Real ninjas! Whilst pointing at two women in full Burkas ... 17.7k
boneandbrine . 5y After his little sister was born my toddler announce to the parking garage that she, came out of mommy's magina! So that was nice ... ... 5.5k
 . 5y I play Hitman 2 a lot, sometimes with my 3 year old daughter watching. We were at the grocery store recently and there was an older gentleman who looked like he had just come out of a church service, he was all dressed up and shiny bald to boot. My daughter yells out, Look Dad! It's a Hitman! ... 712
BadHorse042 . 5y I was in target with my 4 year old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him let go, hands off dude and he yells at the top of his lungs BUT МАМА MY PENIS WONT GO DOWN! I don't think I've ever left target so fast. ... 15.1k
loganhoppe . 5y Not a parent but when my family and I were on vacation in Yellowstone/Custers Last Stand there was a Native American man dressed as a warrior doing a photo shoot. My little brother about 3 at the time yells out loud DAD THERES STILL ONE LEFT! The man was a good sport and started laughing. Even got a picture with him later in the day. ... 1.4k
darknite132 . 5y Are those your boobies Mom? Loudly. At a church Nativity play
thebroklahoman 0 5y My friends daughter (~2.5 y/o) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says I want that fuckin' truck... in an angry tone Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we've been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up. ... 13.1k
openletter8 . . 5y My oldest Daughter and I used to run away from my Wife when we went shopping. One time, we got particularly far away and I asked her what do you wanna do now that Mom can't stop us? She exclaimed loudly, near others, We can punch a stranger! ... 694
ponchojukebox . 5y During a private Remembrance Day (Armistice Day) ceremony with veterans, my 3-year-old soiled her diaper. I changed her in a back room and when we came out, it was the moment of silence. She slammed the door and yelled to all the vets, I just had a BIG poo! And it had PEANUTS in it! ... 20.8k
dcbluestar . 5y When my cousin was about 2 she still occasionally took baths with her mom, my aunt. One night we're at their house for dinner, out of nowhere, she blurts out at my uncle, Daddy, you got hair on your peepee, too?! And that was the first and only time in my life I nearly required the Heimlich maneuver. ... 8.3k
foshjowler . . 5y When I was little (under 5) my dad would jokingly ask if I wanted a cold beer. I would always respond with no. Until one day when we were in the grocery store, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied: a cold beer while we were standing in line. ... 12.3k
VVHYY . 5y Four year old son was misbehaving in a store, and I told him if he didn't control himself we were going to leave. Не escalated, and I picked him up and carried him through the entire store. Не was surprisingly putting up little fight. As we pass the checkout lanes he loudly says Hey mister, put me down! I didn't hesitate, didn't make eye contact with anyone, just turned beet red and kept marching out the door. ... 23.6k
Rupispupis . 5y When he was being humped by a puppy, and me yelling at the puppy to stop. DON'T YELL AT HIM! НЕ LOVES ME! I guess he's not wrong... ... 13.6k
meta_uprising . 5y Daughter was practicing ballet. Me and my 4 year old son were in the room behind the glass which is full of families watching and waiting. I was showing my son youtube videos to keep him calm. Не says Why are we watching naked spiderman videos? ... 8.5k
El_Jeffe . . 5y After watching 101 Dalmatians the day before, I was grocery shopping with my daughter. We crossed paths with an old Lady in a somewhat dirty church suit and tons of makeup with sloppy red lipstick. My daughter points at her and says, daddy, that's a bad lady. The lady did kind of look like Cruela DeVille... ... 10k
 . 5y When my son was 4, and watched Space Jam, he thought every black man was Michael Jordan. When we would go somewhere, he would point at every black man he saw and yell Michael Jordan! ... 10.8k
Llamageddon24 . . 5y My best friend is gay. Не and his partner have lovingly been called the gays at our house after a slip up when calling them the guys came out as the gays, which they thought was funny and began to call themselves that. It caught on after a while. Picking up dinner one night at the grocery store, my daughter asked if they were coming over to eat with us, as they do once or twice a week. My best friend tends to tease my daughter who, at 5, can be sensitive to it. I said no
flippenzee . 5y Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted 'HE FARTED!!' at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face. ... 6.8k
Explodo86 . 5y Took my 3 year old to Disneyworld. Of course after about an hour in the park, both I and the offspring have to go to the bathroom. We head off to one of the main bathrooms right next to the castle. I let the boy go first (he performed a nice quick dump complete with the customary Good Job from me as we were still reinforcing the potty training mantras...) then I of course sit down and perform my own glorious #2 complete with a nice squeaky door fart which had the offspring in hysterics. At this point
mmartinho94 a 5y Me and my 3 y.o were at my moms house & to get her to leave I told her, cmon we have to go home and take a shower, to make her laugh I said we need a shower because our bums are stinky Later when we got home in a full elevator, my daughter turns to me and says,  Mom you need to shower because your bum is stinky I was mortified. ... 10k
Seamlesslytango . 5y Not mine, but my aunt was pregnant with her second kid when they were going to the grocery store. her son was probably 4 at the time and had recently found out that he was going to have a new brother/sister. So it was fresh in his mind. As they were walking into the store, a black family was walking out with their baby girl, and my cousin points at that baby and says I don't want one like that, mommy. My aunt quickly says Не means he wants a brother. That cover probably didn't save her
nuggetblaster69 5y My youngest sibling is 10+ years my junior, so I grew up with him embarrassing me in public. The worst was around Christmas one year when we went to Walmart after going to a church service. The service was about the virgin birth and how no other virgin had ever had a baby before. My brother was probably about 4-5 at the time, so while he didn't know exactly what made someone a virgin, that service taught him virgins couldn't have babies. Anyway, we're in the check out line and behind us is a woman who is obviously
AngryZen_Ingress . . 5y Not really embarrassing but my son once announced to daycare that I had died. It was a severe shock to them when I picked him up. Now my niece once announced at a family dinner that she wanted a fuck, loudly. We all turned and looked at this little 3 year old and her mother said she'd work on speech therapy with her as she handed her daughter a FORK.
daleksarecoming . 5y My mom loves to tell this story. We were at Catholic mass. I was 2-3 years old. They ring the altar bell in mass at some point. They ring it, the church is dead quiet, and I screamed Telephone!!! ... 4.1k
cricket9818 5y So my younger brother was 5/6 years old. My dad was coaching my basketball team (was in 7th grade) and my brother came along to hang out at the practice. Now my brother has Asperger's so of course at that age social awareness is non-existent. There are a few black kids on the team and my brother was learning about Martin Luther King Jr. as it was around the time of the holiday. So his brain is processing. During the practice my brother is standing under the basket as we're doing lay up lines. All of a sudden
GaijinSama . 5y At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word. (The N word was nipple) ... 14.3k
Thisguysciences 5y My wife had my 3 year old at the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags etc and he wanted to help. Не stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says leave those to mommy (she wasn't going to pick them up but didn't want him to touch them either). A few minutes later he has gone to play. Не tells another mom, I'm finding cigarettes for mommy. My wife was so embarrassed and said she got


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