16 Funny, Awkward or Unbelievable One-Night Stands

16 Funny, Awkward or Unbelievable One-Night Stands

The humble one-night stand is a time-honored tradition that exists for a few reasons. Sometimes serendipity only manages to align once in order to let temporary lovers get it on. Other times, that one night is bizarre enough that a second night together would be overkill. Case in point: One unfortunate soul has described the burly alpha male hookup who started purring like a cat and then let loose a steam engine-like yell at the end that shook the entire house. That’s a scenario few people would return to for a second round. 

To that end, Redditors have turned their freaky little one-time hookups loose and shed some light on situations that probably should’ve been left in the dark. 

perfumed-ponce. 7y Took home this huuuuge muscly guy, super alpha. Не was picking me up and kinda throwing me around the place, and I was thinking, well why not! It's fun to feel a bit submissive sometimes. So it was fun, if a bit cheesy- try-hard. But THEN... Не starts purring. Actually purring like a large cat. It started while he was working up to cumming and when he came it was like a really loud steam engine. I couldn't cum because it made me laugh so much. My flatmate heard it from her room underneath mine as well. I

smiling-insomniac. . 7y Thought a guy said 'piss on me'... so I urinated all over his chest and bed linen.... Turns out he said 'kiss me'... Not my classiest moment ... 66

HowardBass . 1y A woman hooked me up with her own daughter at a bar then we all took a cab to hers and the mom just left us to it. ... 68

claque . 7y Hooked up with a guy, he hadn't been finished for more than two seconds when he practically yelled I'm married with 3 kids. ... 228

RedditsRidiculous 1y I was going to have life-changing cancer surgery in 3 days and the neighbors (who I'd never met) were having a massive party. I was tired, exhausted, and wanted to sleep but the noise was out of control. Went next door to tell them to be quieter and ended up having a threesome with two of the guys there. Went to my surgery with hickies like I was some teenager who couldn't control themselves. ... 3k

MWdoha . 8y woke up with no memory of each other, then she began screaming about being late to her grandma's funeral. Dropped her off in a tiny dress not wearing shoes still drunk as fuck in front of her entire extended family. ... 5.5k

llamatronmaster 1y Shit faced drunk. In a sports bar. In New Zealand. Brazilian woman 10+ years older than me. Somehow end up back at my place. She's riding me. But doesn't seem that into it. Asks in broken English if I have chocolate. I do. She shovels like half a block of chocolate into her mouth and starts smearing the rest on my chest and now is moaning and really into it. She gushes. Like mattress soaking squirt. Leaves within 5 mins. I pass out. Wake up to a damp bed covered in chocolate with chocolate all over the sheets

fluvialmonster 7y I met a guy in a club on Halloween while I was dressed as a spider. Не suggested I leave with him and his friends as they'd been out in a group and were all heading back together. They were all hammered and he told me that one of his friends had gotten so drunk during pre drinking that he hadn't made it to the club. We get back to his flat and the drunk guy who didn't make it out is passed out in my guy's bed. My guy wakes him up, chucks him out. Goes to

t__lee . 8y I woke up to his CRAZY female roommate vaccuming the hallway outside of his room for over an hour, banging the vaccuum into his door over and over again. I guess she was trying to wake us up so i would leave, but we ended up just waking up and having sex while she was vaccuuming. ... 3.7k

shaka_sulu . 1y Went on a date and I finally got a wanna come up to my place. I never been to her place so I was shocked that not only it was a small size studio appartment but she had 8 cats there. So we're doing it while 8 cats were staring at us the whole time. When we started doing it doggie style Mr Lemmon jumped on her back. The only reason why I know his name was because as he jumped on her back she said, Mr Lemmon, get off you naughty boy! ... 19.9k

Cbuck24 . . 7y Slept with a girl from Russia in Orlando Florida that did not speak English that night after drinking the language barrier was erotic and somewhat understandable but that morning it was confusing and just awkward. (She slept in my bed until noon with no polite way of saying I have to go you need to leave) ... 233

jennatilwarts . 1y Met a girl at a bar, Leave together, too drunk to drive so We end up climbing these exterior stairs on top of a parking garage. She's bent over the railing when this security guard walks out the doors below us. Dude looks up and asks,ya'll committing suicide or just having sex? Just sex I said, he says alright be careful, and just walks away clapping. ... 3k

RachosYFI o 1y I went back to a girls place and after whatever I was looking at the wall and found my picture on it which really fucked me up for a few minutes, but turns out it was a picture of me and her female cousin in a club, and that was the only recent picture she had of her cousin and I was a coincidence.. ... 13k

klitchell 8y She told me I could sleep in as she left for work early, just to lock the door on my way out. Her estranged husband decided to pop over, notices me in the bed, naked, gets pissed off, rants about how she's a terrible person, and oh BTW did she mention she was married and has a kid. I start get dressed, as I'm putting my shoes on husband picks up TV/VCR combo and is about to leave. I say, don't steal her TV, she's going to think I did it. he did not seem to care. ...

rrollie . 8y She told me to get up because she had to babysit her granddaughter. First I thought she was joking. she was not ... 2.3k

FingerlsMySafety 7y I was about 23.. after my first divorce I kind of just stuck to hanging out in bars.. didn't want to be around the house for a while blah blah... Well one night, I meet this girl and things are progress.. we end up leaving the bar. Well I wake up the next morning, still drunk. And I can feel someone laying on my arm (quite cloudy at this point) and without really moving a whole lot, or opening my eyes I say Hey um.. don't make this awkward or anything, but I think you should just go
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