29 of the Funniest Lies People Told to Children

‘Mannequins are children who misbehaved’
29 of the Funniest Lies People Told to Children

Lying to children is fun. You can say literally anything to them, and they’ll believe it (dummies!). One parent told their kid that every person is only allotted a certain number of words per year, and that if they use them up too early, they won’t be able to talk for the rest of it. First of all, it would be incredible if that were true. Air would smell fresher, water would taste cleaner, society as a whole would repair itself. But secondly, that’s an insanely good lie. I almost believed it myself. Other Redditors chimed in with the best lies they told to their kids, and they’re each a beautiful reminder that good parenting is alive and well.

ftv00es . 6y My stepdad used to tell me that there were small people living inside the car making it work... Setting the heater, moving the speed arrows, heating up the cigarette lighter... I believed it... I brought them cookies for food and he always put in the glove compartment... xD ... 960
12481624 6y my sister told me that yellow leaves tasted like bananas and brown tasted like chocolate. I apparently went and ate leaves, but came back and told her they don't taste how she said they would. She told me I must have eaten a bad batch... so I continued to try find and eat these tasty leaves ... 10.8k
playswithf1re . 6y When my daughter was 4, she decided she really wanted a horse. I told her that since horses eat money, and I don't earn all that much, we simply couldn't get one. She believed that horses actually ate money until she was 14. Then she called me an arsehole. In my defence, I have a cousin who has horses and given how much she spends on them, I'm convinced to this day that they do actually eat money.... ... 3.2k
Purplescouser . 6y When my youngest was in infants school (aged 5-7), I could see his playground from our living room window, and when he came home from school I used to say things like Did you have a good game of football after lunch today? Or, I saw you playing tag with Steven. Не used to be amazed and I just used to say Mums know everything. This lasted for a couple of years and now it's a family joke but it's changed to Nana knows everything! ... 3.5k
Neurobug . 6y My wife's parents convinced her that horses were cows and cows were horses. Everytime they'd pass by driving, they used the wrong one. She argued with her kindergarten teacher furiously that her parents taught her well, and that the teacher was wrong. Took a concerned teacher call to my in-laws and some ice cream to change her mind. ... 619
Wisco1856 . 6y I convinced my kids I was a Jedi. I waved my right hand to turn up the volume on my car while secretly using my left hand to turn up the volume with the steering wheel controls. I did the same thing with the electronic controls for my seat. When they challenged me to do something else, I replied that I had already done too much because a Jedi should never use the Force for trivial things. ... 14.5k
RabbiMarko . 6y My father, may he rest in peace, had three toes amputated. When in public pools with kids around he would stick his foot out of the water and tell them a pool shark got him. You've never seen little kids literally run ON water to get out of the pool. ... 2.5k
 . 6y That, as their father, I could change their names whenever I wanted to. One time I pretended to get on the phone with the Arizona Name Registry, and renamed my two kids Snargle and Gorf because they kept misbehaving. They were bawling. I could barely keep a straight face.
GarethCutestory . 6y When I was little, I built a Lego remote control for the TV. My dad was like, hey, see if it will change the channel. I kept hitting it, nothing. All of a sudden, a few channels change and I'm screaming and jumping up and down. Then it stopped working. My dad goes That was magic, awesome Lego remote! Thanks, Dad. ... 3.1k
fromhouston 0 6y I was on a flight where a kid saw the button for calling a flight attendant, didn't know what it was but clearly was thinking about pressing it, and so asked his Dad what it did. His Dad said it opens a trapdoor under your seat and drops you out of the bottom of the plane. Afterwards, the kid spent the whole flight intrigued by the button, thinking about and talking about pushing it, but too worried to actually do it. ... 25.2k
imade_a_username . 6y That the toy monster steals their toys at night. Specifically the ones that aren't put away. ... 4.3k
greenshirt9. 6y My mom told me that if you ate styrofoam it would turn into glass in your stomach. I believed it for a really long time. ... 615
lbenthinkin2much . 6 6y I told my son that eating his boogers would give him bumps. Не stopped when he got chicken pox. ... 630
eYan2541 . 6y We used to tell the kids that the ice cream van they could hear was actually a broccoli van. It worked for a while when they were small and gullible ... 383
beenalongweirdtrip - by If you don't clean your ears, you'll grow cabbages in them. ... 360
BlackLeftHand . 6y That your ears turn purple when you lie. My best friend's mom told her this when we were little, and she covered her ears or took down her ponytail every time she lied until she was 8. ... 12.5k
johnwalkersbeard . 6 6y My wife and I have convinced our 6 year old that you can only go to Chuck E Cheese if you're invited by someone else for a birthday party. I guess kind of like the Freemasons. So far, none of his friends have asked for a Chuck E Cheese party.
munchkickin . 6y I told my kid that the oil spots on the road were actually spots left from children who ran across the road without looking and got ran over by a car. Не looks both ways twice before crossing the street still ... 2.7k
babbl-on . 6y The ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of ice cream. ... 10.1k  . 6y My neighbours told their kids it was the broccoli truck ... 3k
Foothillsgirl . 6y That the human body is only allotted so many words a year, and if you talk to much now, you might not be able to talk for the rest of the year. ... 5k
Voiir . 6y I was at my friends and his 4-5 year old nephew was over and he stole my friends phone. So me thinking it would be funny go Hey Brian, I'm gonna have to call the invisible cops on my invisible phone! So he starts laughing saying no you won't. And I pretend to hold my invisible phone up to my ear and go Hello? Invisible cops? Ya Brian is stealing his uncles phone. Oh you'll be here in 5 minutes to take him to invisible jail? Ok I'll keep him here. Immediately he starts freaking out crying.
Righteous_Redd 6y My daughter was always a pretty gullible kid. So much so that family and friends frequently joke about it to this day. My ex husband and I were big film buffs and used to get her with movie lines. She got into trouble once in high school and we were so frustrated that we told her that she was on double secret probation. A few years later she watched Animal House with us for the first time. She turned around so fast, looked at her dad and I and yelled. Oh my God! THAT'S where that came from??
kittencrumbs . 6y My mom would bring me and my sister to the mall with her while she shopped. Of course, being kids, we were bored out of our minds so we would hide in the clothes racks and play. My mom got annoyed with that because that made it hard for her to keep track of us. So she told us that the mannequins are actually kids that misbehaved. If the cameras caught us doing something other than standing close by her, we'd also turn into a mannequin. It backfired on her. We ended up hiding in the clothes
 . 6y I tell mine that Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter. Then showed them the book and pictures from the movie. It is hilarious to watch them argue with people. I've heard family tell them there is no such thing as vampires. Their response? Because Abraham killed them all, duh. It's great. Update 1-23-18 They've figured it out after bringing it up in class. My youngest brought it up and was corrected. She's very good humored and laughed when she told me. So my daughter's found it funny. ... 4.1k
leafyfire . 6y I remember that when I was 6, my dad once turned on the PC and made me play a game where it displays random pictures of random places, and a red dot appears in each pic, You had to click the red dots. Не said This game shows you what happens to the kids that browse the internet without their parents permission . After a while of clicking on the red dots, the face of the girl from the excorcist appears screaming on the computer screen, and I started crying and closed myself in the bathroom. ... 2.7k
 6y As a child, my parents told me if I did something bad I was going to baby jail. I believed in baby jail until I was like 12 years old. If I started crying in a public place my dad would say Mary, stop that. You don't want to go to baby jail, do you? And then I would just scream louder like I don't want to go to baby jail! I was kind of a well behaved kid until I realized baby jail wasn't real. Then I turned into a teenager and they told me that Juvenile
Wilsondontstarve . 6y My little sister used to get upset when I wouldn't take her to PG-13 movies. I told her they were called PG-13 because only 13 people could see them at a time, and we were too late because the 13 people had already gone in. ... 3.3k
Yall-Crybabies 6y My kids were getting the vaccinations and the whole trip there I told them that getting shots in the eyeballs was the most effective way. They were terrified! When we got to the doctor's office and the nurse came in with the needles, I said, Isn't it true that getting your shots in the eyeball the most effective way to prevent future illnesses? She said she heard about a study they were conducting and didn't know the results. She then looked at my kids and asked if she could give them their shots in their arms instead... You
toocutetopuke . 6y that they won't know what their real eye colour is until their kid eyes fall out and their adult eyes grow in. ... 287
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