32 of the Dumbest Things Said to Veterinarians

‘Dogs have temperatures?’
32 of the Dumbest Things Said to Veterinarians

While you’d think that the hardest part of being a veterinarian would be attempting to diagnose medical issues with a non-human, non-speaking patient, it appears the most difficult part is actually dealing with the patient’s fully-human, fully-speaking owner. Whether they’re fundamentally misunderstanding the function of nipples or believing that the concept of heartworms is a scam by Big Vet™, these pet owners dragged veterinarians into uncharted territory of stupidity.

barvetski . 3y Am a vet. Had someone call the clinic and ask if we could un-spay their dog. ... Reply 23
fluffybunny875. 3y That heartworms were a myth made up by the veterinary field for profit ... Reply 20
lazyplayboy . 3 3y On Main Coon cat food: Does it have maine coon cats in it? ... Reply 7
Stella430 . 2y Someone who wanted us to email her the dogs meds. Not an RX for the meds,,,the actual, physical meds. Couldn't understand why that wasn't possible ... Reply 13
goatsnake_. 2y Had a lady come in with her chinchilla and speak in voices as if she was her pet. Like, in first person. We asked her what the problem was, and she held the chinchilla in front of her face and said in a high pitch voice well, my little ear is very itchy and I'm scratching a lot!! ,(, stuff like that. I just can't take that off my mind ... Reply 26
SteelBelle . . 3y But he's a boy dog, why does he have nipples? ... Reply 86
EzzyKitten . 3y Vet nurse here! Male owner picked his dog up and exclaimed, pointing at his dog's prepuce, very worried, WHAT IS THIS?! IS IT PUS? IS HIS PENIS INFECTED? I calmly said, oh, that's just smegma. Не and his wife looked blankly at me... Having to explain what smegma is to two grown adults was fun. ... Reply 38
professionaldogtor 2y Had a lady convinced she got roundworms from her daughters puppy even after I explained how she would literally have to eat shit to get them. Quote Well it isn't impossible that happened by accident. She then she tried to hand me HER OWN FECAL SAMPLE in a cool whip container for us to run since my doctors can't figure out what is wrong and you do this test much more than they do. I think they just missed the worms on the test ... Reply 87
Lirioroja . 2y Veterinary receptionist here. We have a 24 hour ER and one evening I answered this call: Caller: My cat just had a kitten but she hasn't had any more and she's just acting normal. Me: Do you know how many kittens she's supposed to have? Caller: Yeah, it goes by the number of teats, right? If that were true, every human birth would be twins. ... Reply 4
misssnorlax . 2y I have another one! Had a client ask if there was an autism risk in dog vaccines like in people. I decided not to get into the whole vacc dont cause autism thing. ... Reply 9
SparxxWarrior97 . 2y Had a client who was seriously genuinely convinced we had a secret basement where we mind controlled all the animals with microchips, and she wanted us to use it to get her dog to go grocery shopping for her so she wouldn'thave to go run errands. I shit you not. ... Reply 68
Hydr01d . 2y Had an owner come in to a wellness visit with her cat, she asked if we could shave her cats whiskers because they creep her out. Reply 12
Pienewieno 2y Oh and I just remember another REALLY good one. Two birds come in, recently bought at a pet store, and the owner is complaining about holes in their beaks. And what a coincedence, these holes are in the same exact place in both birds! Perhaps you can already guess jt, but the owner was talking about the nostrils... ... Reply 22
FaronlsKing . 3y I had a unilateral cryptorchid dog. When I told the owner that he only had one testicle, the owner (who is a male) asked aren't they supposed to only have one? I instinctually replied How many do you have? And he said Oh, you mean balls. I have two. I then told him his dog should also have two and needed to get neutered asap. ... Reply 51
goldenguinevere. 3y Tech here - We're not worried about fleas. We live in a gated community. ... Reply 32
Skyscyraper . Зу Not a vet, but vet clinic receptionist. Had a client scream in my face for offering, I kid you not, satanic microchips. She thought microchips were satanic devices and and would corrupt her new puppy. That was a weird one. ... Reply 33
Anon_819 . 2y I had a client whose dog unfortunately needed a medication dose that was 3/4 of a tablet. When I explained to him, he said so I cut it in 3 and give 2, right? sigh. ... Reply 63
MJMM1395 . 3y My favorite is asking a client what gender their bird is He's a boy! Well ma'am according to your chart he laid an egg two months ago Не was just hormonal ... Reply 26
kyrahasreddit . 2 2y Saw a couple with a 4 week old puppy (yes, way) that stared at me with huge eyes when I told him they shouldn't feed her cereal and human baby milk.
DaughterofArathorn - 3y Client: Dogs have temperatures?! Me: Ma'am, everything has a temperature ... Reply 8
charina12 . . 3y The vet I worked with had a friend who was also a vet and someone brought there cat in and in all seriousness told the vet I think my cats retarded. I don't know how she didn't burst out laughing Reply 44
CATSkidSteerLoader . Зу Multiple times, after telling them their dog has a yeast infection in its ears, women will lower their voice and ask, I have a yeast infection, could he have gotten this from me? Different yeast, but as a rule, please don't rub your dogs ears in your vagina. And never tell your vet about your medical issues. We find you icky. ... Reply 13
Trueyduey . Зу Vet assistant here, our receptionist came back into our treatment area one day asking for a microchip scanner because a person had walked in requesting to be scanned. They were very insistent the government had implanted one in them and we weren't about to argue with her. Got a good laugh from all of us hahah ... Reply 9
AHOY soimalittlecrazy. 2y The owner insisted on having the animal communicator or psychic or whatever on the phone... While we were doing CPR on the pet! The person on the phone told us we could or couldn't stop CPR based on whether or not the soul had left the body. ... Reply 11
ComfortableAd3519 . 2y Lady came in on emergency at 2am in a panic because she found a tumor on her 7yo dog, which she has had for 5 years. Proceeded to spend next 30 minutes explaining to her that the mass was actually the dog's testicles. She thought she shouldn't have to pay for the after-hours consult ... Reply 8
Caroline102503 . 3y Receptionist here, had a lady tell me the vet HAD TO give her dog a vasectomy and leave the balls so her dog could still feel manly... Reply 14
. 3y Do chicken have teeth?! Because she saw some poultry flavored dog toothpaste and assumed it was toothpaste...for chickens. ... Reply 20
Aracosse 2y I had a guy purchase two very expensive corgi puppies, one male, one female from the same litter. His personal assistant brought the dogs to the vet because he was too busy with work clients. I asked if he planned to spay/ neuter. Не said no. Не asked me if I thought they would be a good breeding pair as he had every intention of selling any puppies they had once they were old enough. I then had to explain incest to a grown-ass adult. Не didn't understand why breeding those dogs might be a problem. But they're
Papa_Glucose . 2y I'm a kennel tech. When I brought a dog up from boarding to be picked up, the dog had its red rocket out, and the owner yelled at me for getting the dog horny before I brought it up. I could barely keep a straight face. ... Reply 40
misssnorlax . 2y Explaining orientation of an x-ray, this black space is the lungs, this is the heart, here is the bladder etc. Owner gets very upset and asks if we think they are stupid because they KNOW dogs dont have hearts! ... Reply 80
Stella430 . 2y Just today I feed my dog a raw diet of cooked eggs and cooked chicken ... Reply 5
DivHaydeez 2y Owner came in with a obese chihuahua to ER having a heat stroke. This was when California had that 100+ weather week. The owners AC went out so they checked into a hotel for the safety of the dog. They came into ER because the dog was labored breathing. I brought it up to ER. The ER doctor was getting history asked about the chihuahuas diet and they stated that it's diet was chicken nuggets. Yes... chicken nuggets from McDonald's... the doctor told them if they can switch to something other than chicken nuggets and the client stated
Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?