32 Funny, Wild or Straight-Up Gross Bar Stories

Pour one out for the dentures on the dance floor
32 Funny, Wild or Straight-Up Gross Bar Stories

Everyone has their own idea of the perfect watering hole. Sometimes you just wanna go where everybody knows your name… or where you can be a regular who does a little uninterrupted nude drinking. Regardless of where you choose to get hammered, you likely stumbled out of the place with a story or two. 

These Redditors gathered in a figurative bar to share some of the wildest things they’ve seen while serving shots or knocking back a few. From a guy who left his dentures on the dance floor to a double amputee with an amazing one-liner, here are a few patrons they’ll never forget…

CosineX . 12y At one of my favourite bars, there's the main bar but there's also one in the back corner for basic drinks and bottles. There's a small sink that's actually outside the bar parameter for dumping dregs and ice. Looked over one night to see a guy pissing in like a urinal. I tell my friends, we have a laugh. The guy finishes up and another guy steps up behind him and proceeded to do the same thing. There is a line of drunk guys to piss in this sink in the open bar. ... 52
kl1no . 12y i was at a club with some friends when a guy in his sixties comes in. needless to say he didn't really fit the clientele with the rest of the lot being in their early twenties and him looking like a homeless guy. he goes straight to the bar and starts to undress. we were standing close to the bar with expressions in our faces that said what the flying fuck is going on here? but it got stranger when he handed in his clothes to the barkeeper and kept sitting at that bar completely naked until
bassic_person . 12y I used to work at a bar, so I have a few stories from a few different positions, but this one from when I was a bathroom attendent is my favourite. We had a dwarf in the bar that night. Не got absolutely smashed. Не came in to the bathroom, a beer in each hand, and realized he was too short for the urinals, so he went into the stall to piss. Не didn't close the stall door, and started peeing (I honestly don't remember if he put down his beers to undo his fly, but he
3isKey a 12y Gay Pride, Brooklyn. Dive bar with a stripper pole built into the bar. A 50-60 year old woman climbs up on the pole and starts dancing. Cool, more power to her! Until she takes off her top... alright. Then her pants. THEN HER UNDERWEAR. And she GRINDS on that pole like she has something against it. Like, straight-up, slit on metal grinding. Then she gets in my and my roommate's faces with her ass in my face to get dollars while I surreptitiously try to puke into my beer. The bartender danced next; I made her wash
ClaudeBawls . 6y Used to work at a large sports bar in NYC back in the mid 90's, forget what game was playing but it was some major playoff game, bar was packed. This guy was mildly drunk and didn't want to leave the action to go to the bathroom so decides to whip it out and start peeing right on the bar. The bouncer sees this, and for whatever reason, grabs the guy by the shoulder and spins him around to throw him out of the bar. Needless to say the effect was something like a sprinkler watering the
ratwing 12y One night it was slow, two guys came in, they order beers, and one of the guys pulls off an army boot, pours his drink into the boot and starts drinking. This was not a quick little stunt, it goes on for a while. People start to notice and get increasingly weirded out. The two guys ask for more beer and the bartender is really grossed out and having a hard of it but basically gives in a pours more. By the way - watching someone drink out of boot, is really disgusting. They werent laughing, they were both kind
Extension-Emotion799 в 2y An old man sitting at the bar had a sneezing fit and sneezed his dentures out and they flew a few feet, hit the floor and kind of skittered. The bartender, who was in the back, came out and yelled I heard teeth! ... 1
Badmoterfinger в 2y I ordered a round of Irish Car Bombs for my friends and I at The Temple Bar...in Dublin. They literally turned off the music and called me out on it in the most Irish way possible. Lots of fun words like Wanker, Gobshite, and Fookin Merican. It's been 20 years and my friends still bring it up. To be fair they were super nice afterwards and people kept passive aggressively ordering my more of them all night until I was on full tilt. ... 1
misplacedtext. 2y Drunk girl 1 looking for her lost phone. Drunk girl 2 calls it for her, a few times because we could all hear it but took a minute to find, she finds it. Girl 1: who the fuck is this random number calling me a bunch of times so late?? sends angry text message telling them to fuck off Girl 2: who is this random person texting me some bullshit? they go back and forth for a few texts And then we tell them they're texting each other and they were both laughing ... 2
lotonero . 6y Not the coolest... possibly the grossest. I watched this very large man wobbling at the bar, holding on as if he was gunna get thrown out of orbit. I instinctively give him some water and tell him to straighten up or he was out, chugging the water he just grunted then started heaving... I slowly backed up and got a bouncer (I'll be damned if I'm cleaning up barf). We watch this man start barfing in his cup. We went over to escort him out and he was so committed to his sobriety he told me his
horsegoo23 . 71d Asked a woman who is a double amputee if she wanted another drink and she goes fuck it, not like I have to walk anywhere ... Reply 60
oldbartender 71d I had this fancy older lady that started coming in. She gave me these super weird gifts. She was super nice but definitely out of place. I would only ever serve her one glass of wine two max because I didn't feel comfortable serving her more than that. I could tell she was seeking company, you know someone to talk to. One day I was talking to her and I looked at the TV screen behind her and damn if a silver alert didn't pop up FOR HER! I was like holy shit. I ended up asking her
mickdude2 71d Gay couple at the corner end of my bar, very nice guys, had a good conversation, they were really into my explanation of the drinks and knew when to back off from talking to me cause I was busy. About two drinks in I see one of them pull something off the shelf on the wall next to them and make like he's trying to be discreet about it. I rush over and lo and behold, he's holding our 'max occupancy' sign next to his ass while his partner is taking pictures. To top it off, when he
epicurianistmonk . 71d A guy was waiting at the bar as I was making a few drinks. A couple ladies walked up and bent down in front of him and gawked saying, OMG so cute! And Adorable! When they walked away I said, I'm guessing you've got a cute puppy on the other side there. And he responded, No I just have really great feet. His timing was perfect and it still makes me chuckles. ... Reply 30
smnrlv 2y Brooklyn I was at Houndogs in the Brooklyn Neighborhood and this very drunk 40-something woman invited herself to sit down with a bunch of 20-something guys and ramble at them. She told them If you ever need to end a conversation and leave, you just do this. She proceeded to stand up, kinda slap her hands over her pockets, and say Well shit man....I gotta go!, and turned to leave. This life advice has stuck with me, and you know what...it fucking works. ... 25
kirkHAM . 6y Some guy said to me after I'd just served him watch my beer I'm going out for a cigarette'. Не then threw the cigarette in the air and caught it in his mouth and walked outside like nothing had happened. ... 3.3k
birthdaycandle . 6y A drunk regular accidentally takes another drunk regular's purse home. She calls him to bring the purse back (they were friends), which he does while eating an ice cream cone. She rhetorically asked where her ice cream was. Не proceeds to go to the gas station across the street and comes back with a WHOLE GROCERY BAG full of ice cream cones and not only gives one to her, but to every customer at the bar and multiple to us bartenders. There was something so adorable about a room full of adults elated to be have one
awwrats . 6y I don't know if cool is the best description but, I cut a very drunk guy off one night but allowed him to sit at the bar to sober up a bit. After a couple of club sodas, he's stumbles over to the jukebox to play some music. It was an old jukebox that required you to push 4 digits to play a song. Well this guy makes his selection and when he pushed the 4th digit he pushes himself backwards and falls flat on his back making a huge scene. Just as I start to make
ClassicChris 6y A group of guys were being loud and obnoxious assholes (in a very full bar) while playing pool and pumping tons of money into the touchtunes playing their Hoobastank or whatever the fuck they were playing. Being completely disruptive and intimidating anyone trying to use the juke box. This one random guy sits at the bar right in front of me with his girlfriend and says want to see something funny? Pulls up the touchtunes app, and starts playing a bunch of random songs and get queued to the front of the list. Almost everyone in the bar
kylew1985 . 6y So dumb, but at last call, my buddy and I went over to one of the exits to make sure people weren't leaving with drinks (city ordinance). We see a very drunk girl in her early 20's approaching, being helped out by two of her friends. When she gets close she goes to my buddy, she raises her hand up for a high five. My buddy raises his hand to give her one and she immediately goes into finger guns and says WHO'S GAY?! pointing at my friend with his hand raised looking like a dope. It
Fick_Darkas . 7y Second night working at my college bar, some girl pooped on the floor, picked it up and threw it up on the ceiling. Third week of work, every girl decided to shit in the same toilet for five straight hours while adding new layers of toilet paper and tampons without flushing it in between. Those were some dark days. ... 148
TheAnsweringMachine . 7y Some guy stapled his dick skin on the bar for 50$. ... 175
TunniNicole . 7y I have a regular that comes in and orders a budweiser, sits at the bar, opens a book and reads it. No matter how packed it is, or loud the music gets, bar fight or not. His eyes never leaves that book. Не gets annihilated too. I will never understand how he can concentrate.. ... 405
gloriapeterson . 2y I went to the Space Room with three or four roommates years ago and when we got to the bar the bartender pointed at one of my roommates and said Oh no, not you, you're cut off! Не tried to explain that he had just walked in but the bartender wasn't having any, and the rest of us were laughing too hard to help much. Не had an early night that night, we never found out what the bartender thought he had done. ... 6
spacerobot 2y Ladd's Addition I always had interesting experiences at the Trap. Whether it's the jukebox lady who will try to fight you if you want to choose a song when she is by the jukebox. The little person who will take karaoke requests if you're polite. The vietnam vet who had too much wine and his pants fell to the floor as he was walking back to his table from the restroom while singing American Pie, or the time one man had another in a headlock in the parking lot and then the man who was in the headlock
cited 11y I was bartending in a sports bar when a customer started getting rather unruly. Не was shouting loudly and crudely at women, and pushing his friends around when they tried to control him. The owner of the bar, my boss, came up to him and asked him to leave. The customer was probably 6'4 230lbs, and my boss is a 5'4 150lb korean dude in his forties with a bad temper. The big guy tells him to go fuck himself while his smaller friend is in front of him, holding him back. My boss jumps up and ROUNDHOUSE
easy_Money 8 11y Not a particularly long story, but one night I was working behind the bar. Two friends are in the corner playing darts, drunk, fucking around. An argument breaks out. Naturally, guy А. throws a dart at guy B. The dart sticks right in his fucking arm, and without even pulling it out, guy B. dives at guy А., landing on and smashing a table chris farley style. Guy A. stands up, pinky finger hanging on by a thread. They then spend the next 30 seconds chasing each other around the bar. Guy А. books it out the
sarahkay86 7y This happened to me when I worked in a rather country bar in Virginia. A snowstorm was about to hit and management was planning on closing shop but asked for a couple people to stay on for a couple hours before heading out. I lived right down the road so I volunteered, and I'm glad I did. This one guy, who looked like he might have already had a few, ripped a twenty dollar bill in half, gave me one half of it, and told me I'd get the other half if I rang the bell we had
walterwhiteknight . 7 7y I was standing at a urinal at a bar, peeing. You know, like you do. A guy came in, piss drunk, walked over to the urinal next to me, and began peeing. Without unzipping his pants. Не stood there, pissed his pants, then went and washed his hands and went back out into the bar. ... 13
mattyice360 11y I used to work in a small pub on the bottom floor of a fairly large concert venue. During our Halloween party I had to jump the bar and break up a fight between two guys dressed in the same exact Mario Costume Apparently Mario A asked Mario B's g/f who ironically enough was dressed as Princess Peach, if she wanted to get with the real Super Mario he then showed her his erection pressed through his uber-tight overalls and said How about that Mushroom?...At that point Mario В went all Smash Bros. on him. The expression on
mrwhistler 11y Was bartending at a family owned Тех-Мех place in New Hampshire. A coworker and I were chatting about something on the news and I said Yeah, at least it's not Russia! Suddenly from the end of the bar a massive woman with a thick accent yells, VAHT YOU SAY ABOUT RRRUSSIA? She then started regaling the entire bar with stories of the Soviet glory days, babbling on in a crazy Bond villain accent about how great everything used to be. She proceeded to finish her margarita, left a $10 on the bar, and walked out. We then noticed
theguyonyourleft. 7y I worked in a dive bar once that got a decent mix of underage drinkers, homeless people, and lunatics. One day this guy orders our $3 draft. I pour it, set it down on a coaster in front of him. The guy--I kid you not-- takes a straw from the holder and pulls that trick where you seal it with your finger. Не pauses to throw me this suspicious glance, and then he takes the straw out and tastes it. The guy slowly pushes the coaster back across the bar with the tips of his fingers and says,
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