100 of the Funniest Tweets of 2024

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100 of the Funniest Tweets of 2024

2024 had no shortage of headlines. 

After nearly a decade away, Jon Stewart made his triumphant return to the Daily Show, which was such a hit that he extended his contract through December 2025. Despite Simpsons showrunner Matt Selman saying that “Simpsons predictions are now meaningless,” yet another of the show’s plot points became reality when Cypress Hill joined the London Symphony Orchestra on stage. Kaitlin Olson headlined ABC’s most-watched new series in six years, forcing normies to finally acknowledge her greatnessLarry David actually ended Curb Your Enthusiasm after 12 seasons on HBO, while SNL celebrated the big 5-0 with returning cast members and unexpected breakout stars. And from Happy Gilmore to King of the Hill to Good Times, the year proved to be big for sequels, reboots and remakes — to varying degrees of success

There was also no shortage of true comedy gold — and it was all available in the palm of your hands. Week after week, Twitter users provided us with some much-needed laughs to distract from everything else going on in the world. They pitched an idea for six more Halloweens, invoked the panic of having to print something and even strung together the single greatest sentence ever. 

On that note, here’s a collection of the funniest tweets that kept us going in 2024.

( @444haztyz . 1d i like being single but come on not everyday 39 8,409 52.5K 1.3M
Reconstructionist @un_a_valea... 1d ... what the hell was Ryan Gosling's childhood inspired to become an actor.  Не hated being a child,  was bullied in elementary school,  and had no friends until he was 14 or 15.  In grade one, having been heavily influenced by the action film First Blood, he took steak knives to school and threw them at other children during recess. This incident led to a suspension.  Не was unable to read,  265 56.7K del 2M 3,867
miss hawai'i @berlinblackout 20h ... A dj on the local college radio station was like I found a bunch of my dad's old cds and made a mix for today and played the shins, the pixies, modest mouse, death cab, postal service and the strokes 269 3,540 52.3K 2.4M
Paige Moskowitz @paigemosk... 15h ... my roommate and I have started texting each other like democratic fundraising messaging 8:57 5GW 62 Instagram 197 Naava Ellenberg> Washington, DC Delivered Paige - it's Nancy Pelosi and I'm asking for your help. When Naava takes out the trash, I NEED you to replace the bag. Otherwise, we're letting MAGA win!! Can | count on your support? Naava Ellenberg 164 3,518 56.2K 1.2M
invader zim @f8the 1d ... picking out new glasses frames is harder than going to war 275 30K 158K 5.3M
jolly jim @importancatpete : 20h ... This it the superintelligence that I'm told will kill us all within the next 5 years You Greek philosopher with name starting with M ChatGPT One famous Greek philosopher whose name starts with M is M Aristotle. Message Q W E R T Y U I o P A S D F G H J K L 224 3,630 50.2K 1.1M
maddie, hot dog enthusiast 18h ... Trying to find nicer ways to tell people I think they're overthinking something НА НА ? That's an interesting number of thoughts to have Reply Undo Send Edit Copy Translate A x 153 4,832 82.8K 2.8M
Hispanic Shaun King @okimst... 17h ... 6'4 wearing a top hat in a theater. I'd shoot him too. @Mo... . 1d Morbid Knowledge The top hat worn by Abraham Lincoln the night he was shot. 266 12.5K 209K 10.6M
tat @heluvstat.4h ... me after BEGGING my friends to take my pictures 72 3,609 25.9K 534K
the vibe formerly known as ju... 4 22h ... Went to the dispensary and asked for the weed that makes you feel like spongebob and not like youre in trouble at school and they actually had it 47 3,782 59.1K 2.6M
good reddit @GoodReddit - 1d ... r/AskReddit u/sheerduckinghubris 18h what are the worst accents you've ever heard? 286 1,741 Comments UnrulySimian 17h In 5th and 6th grade (this was the 70s) my best friend had a Greek Father, a British mother - and spent the first 8 years of his life growing up in the Bronx. Never heard anything like it before or since. Reply 776 86 3,804 111K 3.7M
defleppardfan94 @lemonade... 22h ... i love when old dudes call their wife the boss. like thats so true 23 2,541 27.3K du 500K
ava! @F41rygirl. 1d the pure disappointment://holds is stronger than any words could 77 16.2K 134K 2.6M
Grip Bayless @talleyberrybaby.6h ... Bitch they died GIF Observer Of Life @zufriede... 1d How did the human race survive for thousands of years without vaccines? 110 7,788 77.7K 1.7M
regular type dude @wimdawgg 15h ... why don't you come back to my place i'll make you some rinsed grapes on a paper towel 6 1,979 20.5K del 510K
xanath.fm @xanathgum 21h ... im not religious but i am a fan of marriage because i like the idea of someone having the need to take legal action if they wanted to leave me 41 3,665 28.5K 822K
ShitpostGateway @Shit... 13h ... Yukon Ghost @GrahamKritzer  Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free *me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old* my 6 year-old: im a police 14 1,085 31.2K del 676K
horse dentist @equine_dentist.20h ... looking for a sign and i think i found it HURTING THEM BACK MIGHT BE FUN SECONDSAPART W CON 29 4,816 39.1K 833K
michael @j3wtalian 1d ... it must feel so good to drink a potion out of a small glass vial and then throw it on the ground, shattering the empty vial as the potion's magical properties flow through me 62 4,010 44.8K del 1.1M
Smol Cat @OneSmolCat•23h changing up my job search parameters 9+ indeed court jester or perhaps fool of some kind 52 10.6K 79.4K 2.4M
Gatorade Should Be Thicker. 22h ... Found a great spot to meet up with a buddy and the disembodied intelligence that exists between us 62 2,940 36.6K 784K
zou bisou bisou where are you 13h ... Don draper's secretaries trying to keep a log of his daily schedule: I am paradoxical @poptw.... 21h ??? 156 DRINK 52 LOSE HIS MIND 5 LEAVE/DIVORCE 11 CHEAT 3 KILL HIMSELF 7 4 fox2thouston.com 44 2,672 31.6K - 2.2M
sockdem @sock_dem 13h No, it's because the average business book is 70 pages long and titled Whying Your How: A Winner's Guide to Success chase @_chase 1d the average CEO reads 52 books a year yeah bc they don't have a JOB 55 2,401 33K del 1M
alzandah @alzandahh.23h The biggest heartbreak in my life was 6 year old me watching The Muppet Movie and it was the scene where Kermit was riding the bike and my grandma was like, Wow, they made him really look like he's riding the bike. and I looked at her and asked, What do you mean? GIF ALT 14 614 16K 292K
Brandon Streussnig @BrndnStr... . 1d ... When I was 17 I worked as a grocery cashier and my bagger was a guy in his 40s and one day out of nowhere he just goes hey Brandon? Do you think everything will be ok? Like in life? Think about him all the time because i said yeah, of course, Dave but I think I was wrong? 50 1,167 26.2K 569K
Miller Lite Warlord @sabatonf... 18h ... My girlfriend's dad who I'm already on thin ice with kicks his legs up on the ottoman Me: You know they used to have an empire 18 1,543 34.7K del 970K
wild TikTok screenshots 22h ... how those little boys on xbox parties always know what slur to call you + 3306 comments x souroxalis theyre empaths 22,7K Liked by creator 33 2,898 81.8K 2.4M
beer person @CantEverDie - 16h ... why does womens basketball and other womens sports have women cheerleaders. they should have male cheerleaders with slutty little waists 143 5,923 67.1K 1.5M
ariel @webbyheart. 1d everytime i talk about my birds age HES HORRIBLE HES LIKE A CHILD how old is heee 9:35 PM he's 43 this year! 9:36PM 1 new message come again? 9:36PM 286 5,507 130K 3.1M
kelbin @pissboymcgee.2 23h we want to see you wrestle dinosaurs @Discu... 23h 4F DiscussingFilm Dwayne Johnson says with his new A24 film, he's at a point where I want to make films that matter, that explore humanity, struggle & pain I'm at this point where I want more. I don't mean I want more box office. | mean I want more humanity. (Source: variety.com/2024/tv/ news/b...) A24 141 3,227 81.7K 7.3M
Rico Wens @papawldo.1 1d jeremy allen white - EGITE - KEEP 371 6,937 90.2K 2.8M
AJ-hime @Ohayousoro . 1d Pranay Pathole ... @PPathole Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don't recognize. 9:51 PM Apr 12, 2019 Twitter for iPhone Johnie @Johnie. 1d Period Treffic Daily Traffic - 175.60 MD 3.00 CO WTF! Why is my LG Washing Machine using 3.6GB of data/day? Client Name LG Smart Laundry2 apen Upload Downle 14.00 - 90 10.7K 89.5K 2.4M
cheyene norah @onlyyagirl_ 22h ... I am a prisoner of my own mind but I will break out one day 19 4,160 20.4K 552K
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi.10h ... IN My friend got a tattoo on his arm that says comparison is the thief of joy and I'm really debating getting the same tattoo on my arm but a little bit bigger 73 4,939 90.4K del 1.9M
jynx @jynxbby.22h fatherless behavior actually i i have a dad, i'm just a terrible woman 94 7,546 30.2K del 722K
Andrew @gmengalaxy 19h ... 10 $200 I'LL DO WHATEVER Play qb for the Giants 126 4,274 41.3K 1.8M
BIG мо... @JaYunnaMonae 14h ... LAV My face when I wake up from a nap and Apple done got me for 2.99 5.99 10.99 15.99 324 13.7K 63K 1.6M
gandalf the gay @beccaaabigail -1 1d ... well, Clarice...have the lambs stopped screaming? NOOPY TOWN 52 5,351 51.1K 1.3M
T @Mad_Dad2020.12h ... We went thru my kid's iPad. My wife is upset but Latina twerk compilation has me crying tears. 152 2,114 19.9K 437K
Horace Goodwill, tonicke purv... . 1d ... In a way I think it's kind of sweet that there's a Nobel Prize for economists. It's like giving a child a fake steering wheel so they can pretend they're driving the car too 111 3,368 52.5K del 1M
@RICKYRAGE. 1d they hired a new person and im no longer the youngest person in the office 35 2.4K 42K 777K
AARON @lidolmix. 1d ... girl how do you even pronounce this number POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.1 1d A Russian court has fined Google $20,000,000,000,000,000,000,0 00,000,000,000,000 for blocking their content. 984 15.4K 322K 10.3M
harky @theharkyp 19h ... The concept of Raya is so embarrassing... like here are a bunch of successful people who are still struggling to fuck 71 1,452 42K del 968K
victoria zeller (preorde... 23h ... bc of gambling debt Grace Freud @GraceGFreud•2 2d A lot of people are bisexual in the same way Michael Jordan also played baseball and that's beautiful and I hope they learn to accept it. 17 895 17K 656K
cheyain't @reddskyy_ 17h THIS BEING MY LOCAL NEWS???? Turn your 12 cocks BA 9 8 11 .1 10 WNEM 2 3 4 K 5 7 6 one hour tonight 36m 1s WNEMWEVA Bay City Saginaw Midland Flint, MI 219 5,255 85.9K 2M
John spuuky Choi @spuuky 4d ... almost a year into our relationship and i understand her perfectly now Jwssadffgv ccvbbnhhffdssssddfddddd ddkskdjfjgklhlgkfkjfjdksllalakskdjjgjjgkf ndnfngnkfkslslskkfjg You can come if u speed V??? V Delivered ?0 5.9K 175K 180 2.6M
ash @ashmatxx 1d Watched the terminator for the first time last night and didn't know the terminator was the bad guy UH I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THAT WAS HAPPENING. 233 1.9K 80K 1.4M
Michael Cook @MichaelCookFilm . 5d There is a direct line between J Robert Oppenheimer and this images existence Kaiju No. 14 @14_kaiju . 5d EMOTE TAKE THE L Savor the W. Introduced in Season 3. This item is usable in: Fortnite Festival Battle Royale 11K 173K 140 4.9M
gregory house apologist 23h ... he's always doing anything but his job daily house md @dailyhous... 1d HOUSE M.D 47 4,397 62.1K 856K
Neil Renic @NC_Renic 19h ... Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent 40 4,082 16.3K 522K
Hanch Tarchup Jr. @misharipov. 20h ... Hate to bring this up in the middle of a heist but when I said I was a safe cracker I meant I'm a chill white guy 106 10K 104K 4.1M
axle @dattebayoun 16h ... how it feels to be told to do something you was already gonna do 92 9,255 81.9K 993K
Anti-Fascist Turtle @TheAntifa... 1d ... If scooby doo taught us one thing, its that the real monsters are Land owners and rich people 64 17.5K 122K 1.3M
ellory smith @ellorysmith.2 23h ... 15 years ago I learned to play this on the trumpet and every member of my family wanted me dead popculture @notgwenda... 1d 20 years ago, Kelly Clarkson released 'Breakaway' FG 13 454 16.4K 544K
shar @sharloola 10h you'll be having a good day and then someone your age says they're buying a house 220 17.1K 113K 2.6M
Patrick Cosmos @veryimport... 23h ... every time the month has a 31st that 31st should be a halloween. may halloween and july halloween would be unstoppable holidays 91 3,533 37K 677K
Young Prince @YoungPr... 19h ... You do fanduel picks too ? starheal @starheal-8/11/20 Kamala Harris will be 60 in 4 years. I see her running for President in 2024 since this coincides with her Saturn return. 92 3,718 19.1K 1.2M
Brittnay Johnston @britthorsen... 1d Year Me getting yet another notice that all of my personal information has been compromised in a data breach D V L F 113 17.2K 211K 3.2M
JOAN OF ART @umcornell.1 19h ... when the bouncer is asking to search . BOB inside my bag but i have a bag of weed and a switch blade at the bottom cg 0:03 From reaction encyclopedia 29 2,947 35K 693K
they're putting me hello nuckidilling yeasah Matt Post @MattPostSaysHi 4d I wanna work at like a Walgreens and drive this syd @deerfella.4d pulling up in shit you cannot even fathom 28 34K 919 654K
clarevoyant @kneeyockartee.3d Could be me except I'm pretty sure the fella I'm talking to can't actually read dee @spuffylovebot.3d zendaya and tom holland swapping books on vacation in italy is so special to me 154 5.2K 132K 6.7M
Samm Levine @SammLevine. 4d ... In my best Adam West voice... NAR GO IT ENDS WITH US MY PENGUIN FRIEND 47 2.3K 24K 527K
... ... . 2d Cardigan Stef Indy N3 ... Someone stole the с and L off my work besties door, which I guess was probably pretty predictable in hindsight... YOU MAKE In this e (pap) CORE THE WHOLE ASS Shimmer 591 10K 144K 7.8M
Jacob Wren @EverySongIveEve 2d ... Be the elephant you wish to see in the room. 31 3,456 16.4K 377K
Austine @theereal_one.2 2d Girl. there are three movies explaining what happens at night in the museums Araaa @shawntifying.2 2d WHY ARE THERE NO NIGHT MUSEUMS !?! 289 35.8K 380K 11.2M
redacted @aquariusdays- 18h НЕ SAID YES (i asked if he was mad at me) 10 3,288 33.9K del 1M
Cloudy (estrogen angel) 19h ... remembering the time i told my dentist thought he sounded like Ryan Reynolds and he immediately responded thanks! i'll tell my boyfriend you think so :) i got so embarrassed i had to stop seeing him and ended up getting several cavities because of it 49 620 43K 2.5M
sean @_sn_n 17h you couldn't say this in today's Republican party 0:52 Jeb Bush: 'Hell yeah' I would kill baby ... CNN Hitler CNN 91K views 6 years ago 149 1,880 39K 852K
Kofi @TheDoctor246.20h ... Wait til you find out what's happening 3 days after yayra. @yyrhoda 1d Jesus is dying tomorrow Let that situationship die with him. They don't love you. 140 7,327 46.3K 1.9M
M isterD @MisterD78UK.1d ... You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast 19 1,760 18.1K 463K
jay @kendallhosseini.20h Hartford Courant @hartf... 1d So far, Jennifer Lopez is one of 2024's big 'losers' and maybe 'everyone hates' her trib.al/ opWBkXa 21 1,529 26.7K 1.4M
nyah! @JINKIESBTCH 18h i've felt like this since January SEXY LEMON ICB ICE Sprik prite ليمون اكتر صودا اكتر Sprite 39 5,494 38.2K 996K
JOEL GOLBY STAN ACCOUNT 1d ... sabrina carpenter: so what's the joker? barry keoghan: he's sart of like an evil porson 29 2,114 35.8K del 1.4M
Charlie James @nonbinaryco... 20h ... *snorts line in a pitch meeting* it's a movie about a bunch of girls who all share the same pair of pants. one of them is curvy but that is not a problem for the pants 24 1,592 32.9K del 1M
Super 70s Sports @Super7... 21h ... This door weighed more than the entire fucking car you drive now. 256 931 15.8K 494K
Lena @banalplay 23h ... debating whether to deface the gay cybertruck but don't want people to think I hate it for the wrong reason Jimmy Trillstein @JimmyTril...* 1d brave and stunning وسنت 7CADLED 50 648 8,398 250K
Dan Carney @DanManCarn.... 23h ... Ordering a sad meal everyday from the same McDonald's until one of the employees asks me what's wrong NEW YORK New York Post POST @nypost. 1d McDonald's adds sad option to replace Happy Meal smile trib.al/ 6xeBrMs It's okay not to feel happy all the time 24 4,041 55.1K 2.3M
x_44bbyTHOTi3_x @vampiric_... 20h ... gay people can't just say i like your new haircut OMGGGGGGGG NONBINARY RINGO STARR i like it thooooo its giving like medieval cunt ye old boots the house down 126 3,952 78.9K 1.4M
Roy Drones Jr @chiweethedog. 3d ... Staff bonuses in the U.S. after record profits: CH Radar @RadarHits 5/17/24 GOOD NEWS: Singapore Airlines will pay staff a bonus worth eight months salary after record $5.1. billion profit SINGAPORE AIRLINES 418 8K 77K 3.6M
Isaac Fitzgerald @IsaacFitzger... 4h ... Somewhere out there, a child is free. BARRON'S BARRONS AP Biology AP 50 Edition AP AP - AP BIOLOGY SAT SUBJE TEST Proprection Chemistry - PREMIUM - - BIOLOGY E/N PUTSIES Exam PHYSICS I and 2 Prep - 2021 - - - - - III SAT SUBJECT I | TESTS NAT 11 349 10.2K 137K
nix ( @fyolaoi 2d ... witnessed the holy trinity This Post is from a suspended account. Learn more This Post is from an account you View blocked. This Post violated the X Rules. Learn more 99 22.7K 169K 3M
ki shiesty @kishiesty0.2d ... They arguing 797 13K 183K 4.6M
Kaitlin Grady @_kaitlingrady.1 17h ... banks will email you to let you know that you have a new message in your Online Banking Mailbox and the message is We are your bank 21 2,044 32.7K 591K
def sloane @beepboopsl... 11/17/24 ... beavers are so funny why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering 412 39K 402K 16.2M
old tom @YuckyTom.14h roight facked innit Mirror Celeb Mirr @Mirror... 18h or Prince Harry and William have a secret three-word code for 'times of extreme crisis' mirror.co.uk/3am/us- celebri... 52 3,407 58.8K 3.1M
agapé! @agapethamar 1d ... . i stopped watching a show 3 years ago because a beloved character died and i started watching it again. tell me why the person who died came back to life the next episode... FC From heebie jeebies era 86 1,074 31.7K 1.3M
kelly @BoyYeetsWorld.1d uber driver asked me for my name and hobbies so he could do a freestyle rap about me while driving then played shark tank in the car when he was done. i've never given a higher tip in my life. 420ber Waybour Rue - - - 5:30 ! DJ Audio Volume 20 Shart Tunk 187 WLSDI e AUDIO SISEpa Ephode CAR Select Device - RAND RPT II SETUP 11 910 28.1K 468K
Viv @VSquaredTwo.19h ... - If I was a dude I feel like a toothy blowjob might be exciting or at least interesting I dunno. You guys like to complain a lot 112 2,551 33.7K del 1.1M
T Boswick @Tellemmmmm. 1d Me to my salary - - Tiri-tùù @Best_n_baby.1 1d - - - - A week more till I see you 130 38K 121K 6.5M
Daisy Jones @daisythejones 1d ... MOONE not gmail giving me multiple choice answers for my first hate mail of the year you're mentally ill Inbox x Samuel <topographical61@gmail.com> to me you're mentally ill I am. Of course I am. No, I'm not. 16 847 15.1K 388K
rin + + @rinnystarr.21h BALLS?????! indeed Sign in III tsa jobs City or postcode The Fumbler @green... 1/25/20 TSA can see your cock and balls whenever you walk through the X-Ray scanner 109 4,227 73.7K 5.1M
audrey farnsworth @audipenny. 1d ... Why does it feel bad to throw away a sock. I bought it for my foot a while ago and now it's Bad. Can I please get rid of it? How? The regular trash? Really??? 18 85 2,043 81.1K
FLEA @babyibeenajoint - 1 1d ... minimum wage in switzerland is $24? lemme go change my name to hinga ding durgen. 290 7,081 69.3K 3.4M
Lindsey @Lynn_Cocoa.12h ... DOB BBC News (World) 000 NEWS NEWS MORE 13h Should more British homes be built using straw? bbc.in/42nrbtm 15 1,798 17.2K 571K
girl dennis reynolds @paddysr... 14h ... daybitch (aah-aah-aAAh) fighter of the nightbitch (aah-aah-aAAh) champion of the sun FILM UPDATES Film Updates @Film... 20h Marielle Heller's 'NIGHTBITCH,' starring Amy Adams, will be released this fall. The thriller follows a woman who is convinced she is turning into a dog. 53 2,602 33.3K 1.8M
madi magdalene @hottropica 1d ... the fact that the girlies were like these are the sexiest guys we've ever seen 492 6,366 107K 4M
Jamie Lee Squirtis @_catamar... 16h ... My friend got lasik today and I'm sending this to him How'd your lasik go??? 104 3,537 86.8K 1.8M
@globalzaay 1d zaay Vibrator hanging like you finna go in the booth and drop a freestyle lovee @prettyasslovee. dd what's some good to watch on tubi? tubi 489 11K 122K 14M
Friedkin February @LazlosGhost 4d I'm so glad we're entrusting the future to AI. Keith Harris @useful_noise - 4d People also ask ... Who does Anya Taylor-Joy play in Dune 2? соу Yes, Anya Taylor-Joy is in Dune 2. However, she played соу when asked about her presence at the premiere and who she was playing saying that viewers had to see the film to find out. 2 days ago 18 1.1K 35K 1.2M
Jamie @jami0mckay 5h ... It is the 7 year anniversary of the most beautifully written paragraph in the history of the English language. looks ok 6 years ago I hate the muppets bcuz of the Pig girl, she was disgusting, i hate her with my life, she doesnot leave the lizard alone 56 ^ Reply 18 1,298 17.4K 498K

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