21 Funny Rob Delaney Tweets for the Hall of Fame

‘Like my Vicodin-addled wife, the Celtics mascot smokes & has a cane’
21 Funny Rob Delaney Tweets for the Hall of Fame
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Whether you know him from Bad Monkey or Deadpool & Wolverine, Twitter will always be where Rob Delaney made a name for himself as one of the first funny people unafraid to share their jokes online. Here’s 21 of his funny Tweets to make your day a little better.

rob delan... @robdelan... Nov 4, 2024 g ... Not really political but I am excited to cancel out my wife's boyfriend's vote 49 331 8.5K 345K
rob delan... @robdelan... Nov 4, 2024 O ... Yeah I put cologne on before I masturbate. It's called self respect. 36 75 1.3K 109K
rob delaney @robdelaney Nov 1, 2024 ... Just fucking destroyed my nephew in online quidditch. He's crying and my sister is mega pissed. Well I don't care ;) 17 55 1K 74K
rob delan... @robdelan... Oct 29, 2024 G ... I homeschool my kids. That's why they suck and are weird 31 463 11K del 368K
rob delan... @robdela... Oct 24, 2024 G ... Counterpoint: even commercials should have full penetration in them V Variety @Variety Oct 24, 2024 Teens Want Less Sex in Movies and TV Shows, Study Finds variety.com/2024/film/news... 39 164 2.9K 180K
rob delan... @robdelan... Oct 23, 2024 G ... My wife thinks I'm being unreasonable because I don't want her to put the ornament of her & her first husband on the tree again this year. (Не died from E. coli he got when Dave Matthews' tour bus emptied its toilet on that bridge in Chicago as he was passing under on his jet ski 43 121 4.1K 203K
rob delan... @robdelan... Feb 23, 2015 ... Bye dad... 80 699 3K
rob delan... @robdelan... Oct 19, 2024 G ... The Supreme Court has declined the Hamburglar's appeal and he will be executed by firing squad tonight. 35 55 824 72K
rob delan... @robdelan... Apr 20, 2019 ... Like my Vicodin-addled wife, the Celtics mascot smokes & has a cane. 12 55 679
rob delaney @robdelaney Jan 8, 2018 ... Numerous people in comments saying (falsely) that this is about me. Disable comments & issue apology or I will sue, The Guardian @guardian Jan 8, 2018 I lost my virginity a month ago but now I can't maintain an erection trib.al/1gsxMBj 22 68 2K
rob delaney reposted rob delan... @robdelan... Mar 15, 2013 g ... .@Drake I wrote a rap 4 u: My name is Drake & it's fun to rap. I hope I don't fall in a booby trap! (Like in Indiana Jones) #rap 31 516 1K
rob delaney @robdelaney Oct 2, 2024 ... Passed a horrific head-on accident on the highway earlier. Clearly multiple fatalities. Huge relief when I learned everyone involved worked in private equity. 17 112 2.4K 128K
rob delan... @robdelan... Apr 16, 2021 O ... Looks like my wife wants to have a heart to heart 172 567 16K
rob delan... @robdelan... Sep 27, 2012 G ... Camel toe just mean that pussy hungry. - Mary Todd Lincoln 49 553 1.6K
rob delan... @robdelan... Jun 18, 2020 G ... For all those wondering, this is my son Nestor. We share no blood but he is my life. Не came from Cuba (legally, of course) six years ago and lives with me in Florida. I am so proud of him and raising him has been the best, most rewarding thing I've done in my life. 523 3K 42K
rob delan... @robdelan... Sep 13, 2014 G ... If we fight there's just gonna be 2 hits: you hitting me & a doodie falling out of my dungarees & hitting the floor. 30 199 1K
rob delan... @robdelan... Feb 26, 2019 ... Any other STRAIGHT Christian dads mind if I DM them some dick pics? Got a new camera & want to see what ppl think before I send them to my wife (she's in Tokyo for work) *No weirdos please* 274 787 15K
rob delan... @robdelan... Sep 11, 2024 O ... This is so insane. MIGRANTS DON'T EAT PETS!!! Can't believe this needs saying. I eat pets. Tonight I'll eat yours. Tomorrow I'll eat a guide dog. I will eat a teenage boy named Cameron's guide dog in front of him. Tomorrow afternoon. Then I'll give Cameron his first cigarette. 55 193 4.2K del 228K
rob delaney Follow ... @robdelaney Spent the day fracking with my boys. If I even think about anyone trying to stop me I fucking scream at my wife 6:58 PM.Oct 10, 2020 36 432 7.3K 18
rob delan... @robdela... Aug 30, 2024 ... I would suck that after 2 beers Ross McCul... @Rossm... Aug 27, 2024 The worst tattoo of all time 35 48 1.8K 244K
rob delan... @robdela... Aug 23, 2024 ... I'm through W Airbnb. Checking out from one now & they want me to: - take out trash - strip beds - load/start dishwasher -post a glowing review - leave a vial of semen for someone called The Captain - gleam the cube (?) 37 86 1.9K 85K

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