30 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, October 31, 2025

It’s almost like they don’t really care…
30 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, October 31, 2025

Roseanne Barr has fought many battles with ABC, but she won the war when it came to Halloween episodes.

In an interview from 2017, Barr said the network wasn’t enthused about her idea, with executives labeling the holiday as “satanic,” and claiming “the Bible Belt doesn’t like Halloween.” Barr argued against the stance, saying “People trick-or-treat, you know. It’s a big holiday.’ They were very kind of fundamentalist about it, but you know, that was the first dragon we slayed on the Roseanne show.”

Casa Bonita performers are having their own battle with management. The entertainers, who went on strike this week, opened up about their treatment at the Colorado eatery, with one revealing that they were “filling out incident reports for sexual assault almost daily.”

“It's really sad that the gorillas have a motto… ‘Once you get your butt grabbed, you're officially a gorilla,’ because it happens so often,” she said.

Meanwhile, Twitter’s funniest people have a few tweets to bring the week to a close. Today’s funniest involve something worse than generational wealth, a frugal dad, and why male strippers are scary. 

S Mo @modise_ . . Oct 30 ... Messages and calls are end-to-end encrypted. No one outside of this chat, not even WhatsApp, can read or listen to them. Learn more. Bruh 19:18 I need my car now have to leave 19:18 I'm in the taxi. If I get there, I'll explain everything to you 19:20 I hope my car is in the taxi with you 19:21 Mpho T @lemonaddyy Oct 30 Letting your friends drive your car is such a brave thing to do 308 11K 184K 4.8M
felicity shagwell n-2 @liIpochaco Oct 30 ... it's so funny how every job is like do not come to work if you have a fever but then u get a fever and they're like i wont tell if u wont tell 29 1.9K 48K 447K
G °gOZureeal/ O @zureeal Oct 30 ... THE ELVES ARE WHAT?!! The elves are grinding your beans 87 3.4K 870K 81K
G kris @gaysororityhoe Oct 29 ... thinking about this text from my dad Dad Tampons Lilter FitRight Fit Right Fit Right ighe Fit Right Who needs Goodwill tampons? Some aren't even open!! Text me your size iMessage 21 10K 141K 318
O ... Toni Laperreti @tonilaperreti Oct 29 Squad is trying to get creative with ways to get intoxicated this weekend without spending a lot of money ? Let's roofie ourselves Reply Attach Sticker Copy Translate A 4 More... 33 468 11K del 212K
s ... kinchtheknifeblade @joyceanfb .21h S how many meetings do you think this one went through PIRIT HAT BA IN CAPT 269 3.7K 151K del 2.5M
s @tykingdomburner Oct 29 ty montgomery ... who unfollowed me ty montgomery @tykingdomburner Oct 29 people with under 318 followers tweeting 489 6K 324K del 23M
Chris Dalke @chris_dalke Oct 29 ... When I was a kid, I accidentally hit Ctrl + Alt + Down, which on Intel integrated graphics flipped the screen orientation. I didn't understand what was happening, so we flipped the monitor and propped it on some books. It stayed like this for 10 years Omar @ocornut Oct 29 - Spends 10 minutes investigating a weird highlighting issue. - Realizes that there's a pile of stuff sitting over the rarely used game controller stashed somewhere in a drawer, but connected. A button was held pressed. 57 480 17K 579K
i'm nice on here @littleerik 22h s ... the beast hungers 127 3.7K 80K 616K
O bread @pizzapurist Oct 30 ... this is worse than not having generational wealth Mr Family Office @MrFamilyOffice Oct 29 Simon Cowell (66) plans to leave no assets to his son I don't believe in passing down from generation to generation. His $600 million net worth will go to children's or dog's charities ... Show more T NBC AGG NBC NBC 710 9.1K 225K 16M
eve @bubblegumbword Oct 29 ... When you can feel a reply guy falling out of lust with you 35 361 5K del 129K
kweku @wydkweku Oct 30 ... Male strippers scare me, like why you got a thong on with timbs 378 5.6K 42K 828K
Shannon Watts @shannonrwatts - 16h ... Vance announces divorce, marries Charlie Kirk's widow by the end of 2026. Julie @TruBluBrewCru Oct 30 Replying to @WajahatAli The hand on his head though.... Embarrassing for JD's wife. 411 7.3K 151K del 6.6M
S Slam Sniff @GordonSkramzay Oct 30 ... You look like Whoville's drug dealer Nick O'Neill @chooserich Oct 25 Name literally anybody with more drip... You can't. NITY. E. В BORED YACH7 152 1.5K 31K del 943K
Jaketropolis S @jaketropolis Oct 30 ... There's like a billion Catholics Newsom Hater @NewsomHater1 Oct 29 Genuinely how does one achieve this ideology Sofía Hispanic female, 27 Show personal views 1. Opposes 'Allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry legally' 2. Opposes 'Deporting all immigrants who are living in the US illegally back to their home country' 3. Thinks 'People need to be more careful about the language they use to avoid offending people with different backgrounds' 13 267 10K 183K
BOYZ G jake @wormpuller Oct 30 ... I'd say why are you wearing that to Jersey mikes She sends you this photo one hour before your date. How do you respond? 55 445 20K 434K
:( @azfeelin Oct 30 S ... admitting that i give a fuck feels like this 6 2.3K 14K 139K
@sihoorain Oct 30 ... don't care + i handled . that poorly 12 3.5K 15K 183K
Yunie @hyeyunie . Oct 29 ... I don't date locally that's like incestual to me 44 1.8K 11K 230K
ty landis @ty_landis Oct 30 ... He's dead now and I have no photos of him on my phone but this is legit what my father looked like 20 2.6K 100K del 1.6M
Uncouth Rat @solodeauxleaux-15h G ... This costume Imaoooooo + 43.1K ... 134 1,909 Draco, on my side Maria Damian 23h ago 7,870 #humptydumptv #costume 14 848 78K 8.6K
Hanif @I2ationaL Oct 29 ... The Alpha needs to announce when he is about to get sleepy. vaze @talbiinah. Oct 29 why you got your bedtime in your bio tho 52 3.9K 84K 2.6M
@hoodheresies07.7h s ... ja-hamon HOUSE peacock M.D. This dude is fucked up bruh-House M.D. HOUSE House M.D. 1M views 1 year ago 828 22 12K del 114K
@GeoReffGD Oct 30 georeff ... i used the fucking unedited image @GeoReffGD. Oct 30 georeff what's your name with these letters only?? r q W t e y u i O p S d h f a g j k | Z V b X с n m x 123 return space 107 2.1K 72K 1.9M
@hoodheresies07. 17h G ... ja-hamon My uncle just died im so sorry mom Deliver Today 11:12 AM My face when I see people put ketchup on eggs 8 473 7.8K del 66K
@obscuravpn 20h Obscura: The Privacy-first VPN ... It's because of you!!!! Windows is so unoptimized it's not even funny. Windows @Windows 20h when your pc fan gets loud for no reason... okay overachiever 37 2.7K 52K 806K
@ihatemybtch on IG @iHateMyBtch - 18h S ... @ubereats Are You Gonna Refund My Shit or What 2 454 7.2K 58K
@4Cobey Oct 30 ... you could have fun wit a hoe. You aint having fun wit the Pelicans. steez @Steezd47 . C Oct 29 Being a pelicans fan is like dating a hoe 27 1K 11K 369K
cobbles @cobbbles . 22h S ... Me after realizing the file I'm trying send is too large paperchungus @paperchungus Oct 28 x.com/hellaverseprim... *BRO ZIPS IT UP* unethical gooning 13 2K 31K 489K
Max @welp_max. 1 19h s ... i want to have friends so bad UPORTES UM Film Updates @FilmUpdates . 21h FX's 'ADULTS' has officially been renewed for Season 2. 50 550 11K del 293K
curt kobain @pieceandturkey Oct 30 ... Well you haven't reached 9 years today then have you Martin Lewis @MartinSLewis Oct 30 Yay. My 10,000 steps a day streak hit 9 years today! (with a frustrating exception after food poisoning on 2 Aug 23). Its an arbitrary but decent target. My aim this year is for the 1st time to average over 26,000 steps a day... Show more 23 202 18K del 1.4M
Chuck Naso @ChuckNaso 16h ... Moved to a new neighborhood and I'm hearing that kids actually Trick or Treat here. Put together an all time spread for tomorrow. This is how you gain respect on the block. maquia about SPUDN 24 count NeRdS Rope rainbow PUNCH PUNCH SOUR PUNCH SNICKERS ALMOND PUNCH SOUR Original Starbursi Starbursi Original Starbursi Starbursi Skittles Skittles Skittles Skittle SNICKERS ORIGINAL TROPICAL SOUR St 48-1.86 OZ BARS (89.28 OZ)/48-52.7g BARS (2529.6 90 VARIETY PACK SNICK 666 744 33K del 1.1M
S HENRY MORRIS @mrhenrymorris 18h ... Andrew to lose 'prince' title. PINE A SWEATY IS NONCE ANDREW 43 672 8.3K 228K
Joe DeLeone @joedeleone. 23h s ... This might be the most elite real shitter location I've ever seen Richie Goodman @JMUHater Oct 30 Replying to @cfbcampustour Bathroom at JMU 79 1.3K 28K 1.7M
cloe @CL03efc Oct 30 s... older woman 1998 GIF Vola @magic_aura. Oct 29 Get yourself an older woman born between 1998-2001 and settle down. 58 2K 16K 487K
ethan @chrrypleek.1 16h s ... why does she look 40 @baddiefame Oct 30 sydney sweeney has me SPEECHLESS... ife U 719 1.2K 68K 1.5M
Colin the Dachshund @DachshundColin 19h O ... rightmove See similar properties PEDOS NONGS M ONC PEDOS NONONONCE PEDOS pades SON 14/14 1 - - - £125,000 PURPLE Monthly mortgage payments BRICKS Added yesterday DOG NEWS BBC News (UK) @BBCNews Oct 27 Where could Prince Andrew end up if he leaves Royal Lodge? bbc.in/43xQxqd 733 12K 25 399K

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