28 Moments From History That Are Actually Pretty Hilarious Unlike Almost Everything Happening Now

A joke book/history book mashup
28 Moments From History That Are Actually Pretty Hilarious Unlike Almost Everything Happening Now
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These can’t be the only trying times in history, right? 

The news seems a little nutty lately, but there must’ve been some tough times in the past. It’s hard to tell because every historical tidbit we found today was pretty hilarious.

If we’re going by this list alone, all of history seemed like one big laugh riot!

Abandoned Latrine Pit During World War II

Abandoned Rear HOLY SHIT AbandonadReis GRAGKED.COM In World War I, French villagers mistook a latrine pit labeled Abandoned Rear for an American grave. Decades later, they still maintained and honored the grave.

The Foot Powder Mayor

The foot powder mayor AYSE RAN A CLEAN CAMPAIGN AVIA EFRESCANTE OLVAPIES EFRESCANTE deo ULVAPIES Talco des REFRESCANTE PULVAPIES pray deol Sprey PREVENTIVO 100ml Toleo EVENTIVO CONTENIDO 200g PREVENTIVO CRACKED.COM In 1967, an Ecuadorian foot powder company advertised, If you want well-being and hygiene, vote for Pulvapies. They got enough write-in votes to win the election.

Corporal Jackie

Corporal Jackie IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG CRACKED.COM During World War I, a baboon named Jackie was enlisted in the South African Infantry Brigade. Among other things, he would stand at attention and salute superior officers.

Tootsie Rolls

Battle of Chosin Reservoir 100tsie HOW MANY LICKS Roll® Tootsie us MADE OIL AVORS CRACKED.COM US Marines faced thousands of Chinese in North Korea and radioed for mortar shells, using the codeword Tootsie rolls. HQ misunderstood and dropped actual Tootise rolls.

The Viking Hastein

The Viking Hastein GET HELP CRACKED COM Hastein entered a Roman city by arriving on a stretcher with his men asking for aid. The Romans let them through the gates, then the Vikings sacked the city.

Antonio López de Santa Anna

Antonio López de Santa Anna LEGENDARY CRACKED.COM Mexico's 8th president needed his leg amputated when the French shot a cannon at him. Не gave the leg a full state funeral (then protesters dug it up again).

The Shortest War in History

CRACKED THE SHORTEST WAR IN HISTORY LASTED 38 MINUTES. The war broke out on August 27, 1896, after Sultan Hamad bin Thuwaini refused to step down as ruler of Zanzibar, despite Britain's demand. Не was quickly defeated.

Coca-Cola and Santa

Coca Cola is responsible for Santa Claus being depicted as fat. CRACKED.COM In 1863, cartoonist Thomas Nast began drawing Santa with a huge stomach, but his jolly weight problem wasn't cemented in pop culture until the 1930s with Coke's advertisements.

British Tanks

CRACKED.COM BRITISH TANKS HAVE LONG INCLUDED TEA- MAKING FACILITIES. ORT S ST 07 O 59 С SA Before 1945, Brits had to stop and climb out of their tanks for their tea breaks. Since that time, they've been able to remain safely and cozily (or cosily) secluded, thanks to a built-in boiling vessel.

The Horny Mutiny

The 1767 expedition of the HMS Dolphin had to be cut short due to accidental horny mutiny. Captain Samuel Wallis noticed his crew were dismantling the ship for iron parts, which were traded for sex with locals. CRACKED.COM

Cigarettes for Asthma

In the early 20th century, they treated asthma with cigarettes. There was a special brand, Asthmador Cigarettes, that didn't have any tobacco -- just some Datura stramonium, a plant that had been used to treat asthma. CRACKED.COM

Origins of the Mounties

Mounties were created to fend off dumb Americans. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police were created in part as a response to the shenanigans of Americans trading illegal whiskey along the border between the two countries CRACKED.COM

The Oldest Known Joke

The oldest known joke is about farts. It's a 3,900-year-old Sumerian joke that goes Something which has never occurred since time immemorial - a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Beethoven’s Coffee

Beethoven used exactly 60 beans in his cup of coffee. This was so important to him, he would often count every bean when he made coffee. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Rice in the Wall

The Great Wall of China is partly made of rice. The builders added sticky rice to the mortar, which made the Wall more stable and helped protect it against earthquakes and exposure to the elements. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Ancient Egypt’s Taste for Beer

Ancient Egyptians revered beer. They drank it daily and at religious rituals, and gave it divine status. The goddess Hathor was called, among other things, The Lady of Drunkenness. Even laborers, including those who built the pyramids, got a ration of over 10 pints of beer a day. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Sleepy Hitler

Germany lost WWII partly because Hitler slept in late. His underlings were told not to wake him up no matter what, and he slept until 11 or noon on D-Day. And even after he got up, he was sure the D-Day assault was just a diversion, so he didn't send any reinforcements - it took a while to change his mind on that. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

A War Over What?!?!

A war almost started in 1579 over the omission of a bear penis on a coat of arms. D CRACKED.COM The bear in the coat of arms of Appenzell, Swit- zerland, is represented with a visible penis, but a calendar printer in Saint Gallen left it out by acci- dent, enraging the North- east canton.

Wooden-Legged Olympic Medalist

An American gymnast competed in the 1904 Summer Olympics with a wooden leg. CRACKED.COM George Eyser won six med- als: 3 gold in long horse vault, 25 ft. rope climb, and parallel bars; two silver in the 4-event all-around and pommel horse, and one bronze medal in the hori- zontal bar.

Coffee and Impotence

In the 17th century, coffee was thought to make men impotent. At one point, in an attempt to restore their husbands' virility, a bunch of London women petitioned against coffee houses. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Lenin and Stalin Tattoos

Russian prisoners tattooed images of Lenin and Stalin as protective amulets. While the USSR existed, some prisoners believed guards weren't allowed to shoot Lenin's and Stalin's faces, so they got those tattooed on their chests. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Martha Hughes Cannon

The first female state senator to be elected in the United States ran against her own husband. GRAGKED.COM Martha Hughes Cannon was a Mormon polygamous wife, earned four degrees by age 25, opened a private prac- tice, was a suffragist, and beat her husband to be a Utah State Senator in 1896.

The First Bank Robber

America's First Bank Robbery was nearly the perfect crime. DAY GRACKED COM $162,821 ($3.8 million to- day) had been taken from vaults of the Bank of Penn- sylvania in 1798. The cul- prit Isaac Davis was caught because he deposited the money back into the same bank.

Thomas Jefferson’s Insults

CRACKED THOMAS JEFFERSON CALLED JOHN ADAMS AN UGLY HERMAPHRODITE. Jefferson hired journalist James Callender to write nasties about Adams, so he went all out and wrote that Adams was a hideous hermaphroditical character which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.

Music Breaks

ITALIAN COMMANDER IGNORES WWII FOR MUSIC is Gen. Soddu Out as Chief 1940 n Of Italy's Albanian Army it DE W IN CRACKED.COM Italian General Ubaldo Soddu had a bigger appetite for pasta than war; for his entire 4 week career as General, Soddu would retire to his tent early to compose music for imaginary movies while a World War raged on outside. The defeats under General Soddu led Mussolini to call on Hitler for support, delaying the German invasion of Russia, which ultimately ended with a victory for the Allies.

Ancient Political Ad

Ancient advertising il VIK e USCD O ROGANT Nif Ancient political ads In Rome, people would write on the walls to show their support for political candidates. Some were just a few words, while others were more elaborate. One example: I beg you to vote for C. Julius Polybius for aedile. Не makes good bread. CRACKED

Vegetable Lamb

People in the 1300s confused cotton with some sort of vegetable lamb. Sir John Mandeville told tales of his travels, such as the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary, which was said to have been a lamb that sprouts from the ground. The evidence of the animal was wool, seemingly bound to plants, which we now know had been cotton. CRACKED.COM

Nam Viet or Viet Nam?

The country now known as Vietnam wanted to be called Nam Viêt. VIBook IL VIB on WEL APEC VIE CRACKED COM In the 1800s, Vietnam asked the Qing dynasty to change their name to Nam Viet. The dynas- ty said no, and changed their name to Viet Nam instead.

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