30 Zany Bits of History That Run Around Willy-Nilly With Their Tongues Out

Is this a history book or a joke book?
30 Zany Bits of History That Run Around Willy-Nilly With Their Tongues Out
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Don’t you just hate when you go to check out a book at the library, then realize that it’s not the right book when you get home? Never? Hmm, it happens to us all the time. Maybe we just get a little too excited to read, or maybe it’s that some books aren’t what they appear to be. 

We went there to find some straightforward history facts for this list today, but got home to find a book on the sillier side of history. It’s a borderline joke book! We understand that when a book can live in two worlds, the librarian has to make a choice. If there was a section that blended comedy and history, this would be the only book in it.  

Bracciolini’s Dirty Joke Book

GRACKED COM Poggio Bracciolini was the Pope's secretary- and he wrote a book of dirty jokes. In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of being delivered. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her private parts, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. Look also on the other side, said the poor creature. My husband has sometimes taken that road. -From Facetiae (15th century)

Thunder Farts

CRACKED COM Aristophanes' The Clouds likens thunder to farts. cc Yes, yes, by Apollo I suffer, I get colic, then the stew sets to rumbling like thunder and finally bursts forth with a terrific noise. At first, it's but a little gurgling pappax, pappax! then it increases, papapappax! and when I take my crap, why, it's thunder indeed, papapappax! pappax!! papapappax!!! just like the clouds.

Trolling Grammar Lovers

GRAGKED.COM APPENDIX. 153 Timothy Dexter trolled grammar lovers. 66 .. In 1802, self-proclaimed Lord Dexter published A Pickle for the Knowing One, a book with no punctuation. When readers complained, he included all the punctuation marks in an appendix.

Centuries Old Sitcom Jokes

Sitcom jokes were already a thing 200 years ago. In John Tobin's play The Honey Moon (1805), a man reverses his anti-marriage stance after meeting a woman who is an angel. A sassy gal rejoinders: Ay, so are all women before marriage; and that's the reason their husbands so soon wish them in heaven afterwards. CRACKED.COM

Abraham Lincoln’s Prank

Footprints on the ceiling ABRAHAM LINCOLN CRACKED.COM Young Lincoln saw two boys playing in mud. Не asked them to come inside, and he lifted them up to walk across his family's ceiling, creating muddy footprints to prank his stepmother when she returned home.

14th Century Fart Jokes

Fart jokes from the 14th century JEHAN DE GRISE CRACKED.COM The illuminated manuscript about Alexander the Great was completed in 1344, Flanders, included some visual gags, like the rancid farts of the bonacon.

Classic Prank Calls

Pranks calls had dark humor CRACKED COM In 1884 (eight years after the telephone was invented) the first prank callers would phone morticians to take a body away. When the undertaker arrived, the supposedly dead person would answer the door.

Faking an Earthquake

Faking an earthquake ANTHEMIUS OF TRALLES UTAA + fanotafopi coding Pan CRACKED.COM When the 5th century Greek architect Anthemius was mad athis neighbor, he created a device that used steam to simulate an earthquake in his neighbor's house.

Shakespeare’s Mom Jokes

Shakespeare made your mom jokes WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE CRACKED.COM From Titus Andronicus (written somewhere between 1588 and 1593): Demetrius: Villain, what hast thou done? Aaron: That which thou canst not undo. Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother. Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother.

The Oldest Known Joke

The oldest known joke is about farts GRACKED.COM A Sumerian proverb from 1900 В.С. goes, Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

Penis Joke in the Bible

There's a penis size joke in the Bible vpim 2 nu CRACKED.COM In 1 Kings 12:10: But you shall speak to them, 'My little finger is thicker than my father's loins!'

Hidden Naughty Jokes

Renaissance artist hid naughty jokes in the background LORENZO LOTTO CRACKED.COM The sitter and the artist used well-known pieces in the background to stage a juvenile scene in this 1527 Italian painting Portrait of Andrea Odoni.

Monks Drawing Penises

Medieval monks liked to draw penises I'm 20form JOHN OF ARDERNE Grijmdo Et gmow i he fnac P أ. Pamina COM A dick in a basket. That's just as likely to pop up in the margins of a textbook today as it was when this manuscript was painstakingly rendered in the 14th century.

The First Joke Book

Joke books have been around since Ancient Greece HIEROCLES AND PHILAGRIUS CRACKED.COM This joke comes from the 4th century collection Philogelos but reads like a line from Everybody Loves Raymond: A misogynist is attending to the burial of his wife, who has just died, when someone asks: Who is it who rests in peace here?. Не answers: Me, now that I'm rid of her!

The College Poop Prank

Classic College Poop Prank WILLIAM BUCKLAND CRACKED COM When Buckland was at Oxford in the 1790s, he collected buckets of guano (bat poop) and spelled guano on the university's yard. The lawn was promptly cleaned, but the guano's fertilizer's properties made the grass in a distinct pattern spelling GUANO.

Made-Up Definitions

Made-up definitions EOVUS SEJANUS byl tatalny, 21 des niefzeigsliwego icfl: Bo Sejur Pa BENEDYKT JOACHIM CHMIELOWSKI ro- nim zabity w Syryi: Caffur go v Ка- zgingl: Antonius go doftawizy V smiercia, U PROBUSA Cela Krol Francufki zlowit 10 sieci JELENIA zobroza, od Juliusza, czyli tet Augufiá Cefarzow na fzyie e lozona z infkrypcya: Нэ the Cafar dmavit, ry. ic W iednym dniu 100, mil u mieckie y Polfkie redukuiac, uch quimus lib. 9. Po Roku napilanym miarkowano, ze Zyl lat wiecey nizeli DO. Wielbladow Antipatibled nienawida Pod cias Welela AUGUSTA III. Krola Polfkie- ciw Kawaleryi Konney, Wielbla 2 MARYA Jozefa Celarza Rzymfkiego

Men’s Shoes

GRAGKED.COM Men shoes 1600s Now

Insult Battles

In medieval England and Scotland, public insult battles were all the rage. It was called flyting, and it was basically the rap battle of its day - people would insult each other in all kinds of funny and clever ways. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Accused of Being A Vampire

CONTAGIOUS DISEASE In the 1700s to the late 1800s, ignorant of bacteria and viruses, people blamed the recently deceased's spirit of killing their family members. So the community would open tombs to discover natural decay like bloating and bleeding from orifices and accuse them of being vampires. CRACKED

Funny Christmas

The Victorians saw Christmas as a time to have a laugh. Their Christmas card art included stuff like a child stuck in a teapot, mice riding lobsters, or a clown with a poker attacking a policeman's butt. CRACKED.COM

Lewis and Clark’s Poop

CRACKED.COM WE KNOW EXACTLY WHERE LEWIS AND CLARK CRAPPED. The Lewis and Clark expedition carried mercury pills that were used to treat pretty much everything (including, ahem, syphilis). The location of the latrines in their Lolo, Montana campsite is known because of the mercury in the soil.

The Battle of Bull Run

The First Battle of Bull Run was watched by a large number of spectators. CRACKED.COM They packed picnic baskets and followed the Union to watch the battle. They ultimately got in the way and hampered the retreat of the Union Army.

Stone Pillows

The earliest pillows CRACKED.COM were made of stone. Ancient Egyptian Pillow Neck-rests from Tutankhamen's tomb Ancient Chinese Pillow Originally more about keeping the head away from crawling bugs or protecting an elaborate hairstyle during sleep than a cushion, they evolved into elaborate works of art for the wealthy. They only become a cloth-covered stuffing-filled accessory after the textile revolution.

Roman Laundromats

Ancient Rome CRACKED COM In ancient Rome, laundromats pretty much ran on urine. The practice continued even after the invention of soap, as many Europeans preferred the all-natural goodness of bladder water. And long before toothpaste, 9 out 10 Romans agreed that gargling urine was the best way to keep your teeth clean and sparkly.

Greek for Nude

The words gymnasium and gymnastics come from the Greek for nude. CRACKED.COM The Ancient Greeks commonly exercised naked, and athletes in the ancient Olympic Games would partici- pate in the nude.

Caught by Duct Tape

Nixon's Watergate operation was blown by a piece of duct tape. DENT OF THE Nixon's man used duct tape on the locks in the Watergate building to prevent doors from locking. Security Guard Frank Wills found one of the doors but thought nothing of it and simply removed the tape. When he later found the same lock had been taped again, he became suspicious and alerted the authorities. CRACKED.COM

Draco of Athens

Draco of Athens was smothered by gifts. Draco created the first written laws for Athens, most notable for his generous use of the death penalty. While being honored on stage, people threw so many hats and coats in adoration on his head that he suffocated. CRACKED.COM

Death by Pear

Antiphanes died when struck by a pear. The writer of the Middle Attic comedy taught us to be on the lookout for any wayward fruits. They are obviously deadly. CRACKED.COM

Shoe the Mare

In Elizabethan England, they played a weird game after Christmas dinner. It was called shoe the mare, and it involved one person running around barefoot and acting like an unruly horse while everyone else tried to catch them. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Reindeer in a Sub

A WWII submarine had a reindeer onboard for six weeks. The British sub HMS Trident carried Pollyanna the reindeer, a personal gift from a Soviet admiral, back to England. She ate so much food (plus some navigation charts) that she got too big to walk out, and had to be lifted out with a winch (a sailor with a broom helped). CRACKED.COM

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