20 Perfect Punchlines from Steven Wright

‘I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly’
20 Perfect Punchlines from Steven Wright
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If you believe brevity is the soul of wit, Steven Wright’s jokes must be absolutely overflowing with life force. You’re not going to find act-outs, characters or even much in the way of multiple volume levels, but you’re going to get impeccably written jokes. Maybe that’s why he’s fallen by the wayside in the pantheon as of late, something that these jokes should show is absolutely criminal.

CRACKED I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I went to a tourist information booth and said, 'Tell me about some people who were here last year. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I've been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED My girlfriend hates it when we take a bath together, and I practice skipping rocks. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day, because that means it's going to be up all night. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED Everywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I was Caesarean born. Can't really tell... although, whenever I leave a house I go through the window. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. Kept almost dying. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I have a telescope on the peephole on my door, so I can see who's at the door for 200 miles. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I went to a place to eat that said 'breakfast served any time.' So, I ordered French toast, during the renaissance. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED My friend George walked his dog all at once. Walked him from Boston to Fort Lauderdale and back, he said, 'Now you're done. -STEVEN WRIGHT
CRACKED I can levitate birds, but nobody cares. -STEVEN WRIGHT

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