30 Puns to Pop Out That Forehead Vein of Yours

What do you call a hippie’s wife?
30 Puns to Pop Out That Forehead Vein of Yours
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You know when you smell something truly foul, and inexplicably, force yourself to go back in for a confirmation sniff? Almost as if to check, “Was that really what I thought it was?” Well, there’s a whole genre of joke built around the intellectual equivalent of this feeling: the pun. 

To your slight dismay, we’ve collected 30 true groaners for you to grumble at. Start rolling those eyes now, and scroll on down.

CRACKED A man died today when a pile of books fell on his head. Не only had his shelf to blame.
CRACKED Two antennas got married yesterday. The ceremony was fine, but the reception waas excellent.
CRACKED Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
CRACKED As a kid, I hoped I'd have a photographic memory. But it never developed.
CRACKED I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. It turned out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
CRACKED A dog gave birth to puppies by the side of the road. She got ticketed for littering.
CRACKED I saw a doomsday prepper at Walmart. They were spending money like there was no tomorrow.
CRACKED My flashlight ran out of batteries. Now I'm delighted.
CRACKED I removed the shell from a snail to see if it would go faster. But it made it more sluggish.
CRACKED Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? They're two tired.
CRACKED I surrounded my yard with chicken wire. Now my lawn is impeccable.
CRACKED The shovel's an incredible invention. What a ground-breaking idea.
CRACKED Why do I only wear velcro shoes? Well, why knot?
CRACKED My parents told me the sky was the limit. So much for becoming an astronaut.
CRACKED Why shouldn't you fight a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked.
CRACKED I caught someone on camera adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
CRACKED Never become friends with an acupuncturist. They're all back stabbers.
CRACKED I was addicted to the hokey-pokey. But then I turned myself around.
CRACKED A man threw a cup of milk in my face. How dairy!
CRACKED What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decaffeinated.
CRACKED One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.
CRACKED Did you hear about the human cannonball? Не got fired.
CRACKED Last night, I dreamed about an ocean of orange soda. It was a Fanta sea.
CRACKED What's a windmill's favorite type of music? Well, they're big metal fans.
CRACKED Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
CRACKED I saw an ad for coffins the other day. I thought, That's the last thing I need.
CRACKED What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.
CRACKED How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews.
CRACKED What's Roman and has two blades sticking out of it? A pair of Caesars.
CRACKED Why'd I buy a boat? It was for sail!

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