22 Jokes From the Best Stand-Up Comics in the Joke Game

This’ll give you a serious ab workout
22 Jokes From the Best Stand-Up Comics in the Joke Game
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No need for the gym today. All you need to do is scroll on down to some of the funniest jokes from the funniest comics in the biz. Oof, we always feel like such a dweeb for saying “the biz.” 

Anywho, we got such serious laughs out of these that we’re now pretty shredded, so take it from us, there’ll be some abdominal pain in your near future.

Jim Jeffries

CRACKED JIM JEFFRIES The bible, that's God's book, as far as I know the devil hasn't brought out a book yet, haven't heard his side of the argument. God's just writing sh*t about him, and the devil's being the bigger man and saying I'm not even going to comment, talking sh*t about me like that.

Hannibal Buress

Hannibal Buress on Napkins I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant... because I believe in myself.

Kathleen Madigan

Kathleen Madigan on the Unhoused I always give homeless people money, and my friends yell at me, 'He's only going to buy more alcohol and cigarettes.' And I'm thinking, 'Oh, like I wasn't?

Tom Segura

Tom Segura on Hotels Hotels are great. Everybody loves hotels. Especially when you check in with your significant other. Why? Because you know in a hotel, you're gonna have sex, and you're gonna have an elevated form of sex. You're gonna have hotel room sex, which is, 'Let's have sex, but let's also disrespect this room.

Adam Ferrara

Adam Ferrara on Catholicism I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good... stop.'''

Rodney Dangerfield

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

Natasha Leggero on Babies

My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like getting a DUI from the universe.

Norm Macdonald

How did go from being not funny enough to be even allowed in the building, to being so funny that I'm now hosting the show?

Steven Wright

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

Jim Norton

Comedians on depression I came out of a horrible depression... when the train is pulling into the station and you back up against the wall say to yourself, 'Don't do it, don't do it, you gotta wipe your hard drive first, don't do it.' -Jim Norton CRACKED.COM

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