30 of the Dumbest Cases Lawyers Were Asked to Take On

‘His client is being sued over chicken wings’
30 of the Dumbest Cases Lawyers Were Asked to Take On
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CalgaryAlly 8y ago e Edited 8y ago I'm a prosecutor, so I don't get hired to represent anyone (I work for the government) but I do have discretion over how the prosecution progresses (i.e. deciding to proceed, deciding what to offer in the event of a plea bargain, deciding to withdraw the charges, etc.) I had a case a few months ago where a man was charged with shoplifting. Turned out he was 70 years old, had absolutely no criminal record, and had shoplifted a SANDWICH which he ate politely in the store. Не honestly thought he had paid for
_TheConsumer_ 8y ago I had a client come in saying that he needed to sue Stu for robbing all his checks. When I asked him if Stu had a last name, he said no. When I asked him if he knew any Stu, he said no. When I asked him what proof he had that Stu was robbing him, he showed me all of his pay stubs. There were clear, monthly deductions by SCU. As soon as I saw it, I knew. I asked Do you have children? Не said yes. I then told him Your Stu is the SCU - the
gurlpandagurl 8y ago I did insurance defense for a long time, including insurance fraud investigations for insurance companies. You wouldn't believe how many people take a video inventory of their house only to have it mysteriously burn down the next day. You really can't fix stupid. - 9K ...
AdmrHalsey 8y ago Woman wanted me to sue McDonalds because their employees beat up her son. Who was trying to rob the place. - 9.8K ...
8y ago When I was in law school I did the criminal defense clinic where we help a public defender. I say help because they just give you small cases to do by yourself. I had a guy accused of shoplifting a yellow FUBU shirt. Guess what he wore to the trial? A GD yellow FUBU shirt. I asked the prosecutor to reoffer the plea deal, she did, and I convinced the guy to take community service and probation (if I remember correctly). Our public defender system is tragically overworked and underfunded. - 4.5K ...
PimentoSandwich 8y ago Probably too late here but i was a civil rights investigator. We had one guy complain that he was fired from his factory job because of his race (he was black). Owner of the factory said it was because the guy was smoking crack on his lunch break. Turns out he was smoking crack on his lunch break but so were a few of his white со- workers and they were not fired. The owner agreed to pay the guy six months of back pay and give him a neutral reference. 4.8K ... lolzidop 8y ago That
samtravis 8y ago A lady in prison in my state tried to sue the state Department of Corrections for holding her against her will. Her lawyer wouldn't touch it. 4.8K ... + 77 more replies
OrSpeeder 8y ago I had a teacher that worked for a major video game publisher (one of the top10 ones) Не told me that when people tried to sue them for small amounts due to some game being bad, they would just pay whatever the person wanted, it was cheaper than dealing with the country terrible justice system. Except one day a guy sued them because a game was bad, he was a law student, self representing, and tried to throw the book at the company. They decided to make a exception for this guy, they instead threw the book
stueh 8y ago Guy I know worked for the DPP and told me about a case where a guy was up on car theft charges, which is like 5 years max bit he was very likely to get a suspended sentence/probation as it was a first ever offense. The dumbass though, thought it would be a good idea to go and intimidate the witness into not testifying. The witness called the cops and had CCTV footage of this, so he copped an extra charge with a 20 year max and there was no way in hell he was getting a
spanonaddy 8y ago 0 Edited 8y ago I'm a lawyer, but this happened to a friend of mine. Не got engaged, and apparently this pissed off his ex- gf. The ex-gf sued him for custody of their two cats AND $500,000 for something like the lost value of the cats because she claimed they were service animals. Hint: they were not at all service animals. Edit: Wow this got a lot of attention. So, to add to the story, one of the reasons my friend broke up with the ex-gf was because she had problems caring for the cats, ignoring
8y ago A lady once called asking us to sue her neighbors. They were using voodoo on her. Fortunately, she had psychic powers and thus knew what they were doing. I respectfully declined. 17K ... + 180 more replies
DropkickMorgan 8y ago Client wanted to sue because there were no strawberries in her fruit salad which she bought from a supermarket. Thankfully a secretary was able to screen the call. She asked if the package said it had strawberries, and the response was, No, but I thought it would have. I don't know how these people manage to make it through life. 19K ... + 293 more replies
DeaconFrostedFlakes 8y ago Without going into too many details - had a guy that wanted to bring a class action against the company that made his underwear, because he was convinced his underwear was the reason he had a crooked dick. Не assured us that as soon as the jury saw his dick, they'd side with him. No, we didn't take it. 18K ...
ELPLRTA 8y ago Edited 8y ago I am a personal injury lawyer in the UK. I took a call from a potential client that had fallen down the stairs in her own home. She had tripped over her own cat. She told me that she wanted to sue her local authority as her home was owned by the council and she was not allowed to keep pets as part of her lease. She claimed that when the house was inspected she was not told to get rid of the cat. It was therefore the council's fault that she fell down
8y ago My mother said that at a law firm she used to work at many years ago they had received a call from a gentleman that wanted to file a lawsuit against Walt Disney. When asked why he was filing suit he claimed that the Disney characters were coming out of the TV and stealing food from his refrigerator. They told him they'd take the case for an advance fee of $100K and never heard back from him. 1.7K ...
lawyerlady 8y ago A guy found a rock in the middle of Melbourne CBD that he believed came from an underground volcano therefore he discovered the volcano and he owned the volcano and that the Melbourne city council and indeed the Victorian government should pay him rent to live on top of his underground volcano. No no I did not take on the case 13K ... scaryclownzinmyhouse 8y ago Fun Fact: Australia is the only continent with no active volcanoes 7.2K ...
8y ago Edited 8y ago One prospective client wanted me to sue Burger King for no longer serving pancakes. EDIT: thank you for all your concern and tips. This was about 18 years ago, so I hope my client found a lawyer and you are all the beneficiaries of his foresight and proper sense of outrage. - 6.5K ... Azryhael 8y ago And now they're back at 3 for 89¢. You must've put the fear of God into 'em! 2.7K ...
KayaXiali 8y ago My dad is an in house lawyer for a major American insurance company. Не once spent an entire year trying to help deny insurance benefits for a painter who had stepped off his ladder onto a cat, fallen down the stairs and become paralyzed. The insurance company was arguing that a cat was a commonly expected occupational hazard for a painter and that he was negligent in not checking for cats before stepping down. A whole year of his life. Over whether a cat is a known occupational hazard of house painting. - 12K ...
8y ago Lawyer for 12 years. Client was charged with stealing a mobile toilet. After we won he told me he still owns it. The fucker has the thing in his backyard because he was lazy as fuck (his office was nearby). Forced him to deliver it back at night...jesus...still offended that he lied to me me the whole time. - 12K ...
killerbutton 8y ago Edited 8y ago Guy was arrested for marijuana possession. Arresting officer never actually opened the tin foil bundle involved and check that it was, in fact, not a burrito. EDIT: Judge tossed the case, it was a misdemeanor. They don't go CSI and reach back to any collected evidence, just roll their eyes and let everyone go home in situations like this. - 6.7K ...
latam9891 8y ago When I was a summer associate, I worked on a case where a lady was suing her apartment complex because she walked out of her unit, slipped on duck poop, and injured herself. We repped the apt complex. The associate I was working for told me to slip as many bird-based puns into the motions/pleadings as possible. I happily obliged. 815 ...
KenPopehat в 8y ago When I was a federal prosecutor, an NCIS agent wanted me to prosecute federally someone living near the base for flying the U.S. flag the wrong way. I didn't. Не was miffed. 5.6K ...
8y ago I used to be a forensic social worker at a public defense organization (i.e. the people who provide lawyers for poor people when they get charged with crimes). You would not believe how many people believed that filing a police brutality lawsuit would result in their criminal charges going away. I mean, yes, police brutality is real. But you totally still committed a crime. 1.5K ... + 33 more replies
Amuk3 8y ago . Edited 8y ago I once represented a guy who was denied unemployment benefits after being fired from his job--as a jizz mopper at an adult video store--for sexual harrassment. I won. EDIT: As explained downthread, I am almost entirely certain that my client was not the same guy who did the AMA a few months ago. - 14K ...
maluminse 8y ago Kind of stupid. Guy arrested for taking photos of women at the pool. Wanted to sue on 1st Amendment grounds. Had an associate working on it. We never filed. 3.2K ...
captainkrunch71 8y ago . Edited 8y ago Not really stupid but unbelievable . My friend at work, his girlfriend filed for divorce a few weeks ago. That's right. They aren't married and common law doesn't apply in WA state. They lived together for 5 years. She has a job. She isn't on the mortgage. And she left him a few months ago. There are no kids involved. They were never engaged. In the divorce she wants him to leave his house and she wants to move back in. She wants him to pay her 2800 a month for some reason. I
i-am-a-genius 8y ago . Edited 8y ago I've been a lawyer for 9 years, and the best case so far was this elderly fellow was kicked out of a library for making an obscene gesture to every black librarian he saw. Не tried to sue the library, and I was his legal consultant. Didn't take the case, but I advised him that he would get a better outcome by avoiding libraries altogether and not trying to sue the only ppl who will crush him in court bar none. EDIT: fixed a few words that I mistyped. - 3.5K ...
8y ago e Edited 8y ago Not a lawyer, but lawyer friend and neighbor told me yesterday of a guy who's client is being sued (trying to turn this into a class action suit to boot) over chicken wings. The claim is that the 10 wings in his order actually constitute only 5 wings because there's two edible parts to a chicken wing. In chicken anatomy class this would be true. In restaurant chicken wing business not so. Edit: I live in Florida SOOO...... - 2.8K ...
8y ago Guy came in and had a company build a shed on some land. On the phone, he told me it was built incorrectly. Не insisted on meeting. When he got to my office, I asked him what was wrong with the building. Was it structurally deficient? Dangerous? Etc. None of the above. Turns out it was not perfectly square with the road in front of it. It was off by a foot. You could not tell by the naked eye, but he would always know and it bugged him. I told him that without any real damages,
8y ago My father is a patent attorney, and when I was around 14 he told me about a guy who wanted to patent the IPhone 3 because aliens had given him the design for it. My father told him that if the aliens originally designed then they were the ones that had to patent it, not him. - 14K ...

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