34 of the Nerdiest Jokes People Love to Tell

‘Why do Java developers need glasses? ‘cause they don’t C#’
34 of the Nerdiest Jokes People Love to Tell

Argon is an esteemed element on the periodic table, boasting the highly-coveted title of a “noble gas.” And apparently, this chemical has a rich life beyond the confines of its spot next to Neon and Krypton. It, like a lot of us, loves to let loose and have fun — and according to the following joke, has even been known to get into some trouble at the local pub.

“Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says get the hell out. Argon doesn’t react.”

It’s unclear what happened next during this chemically inert showdown, but I’m sure somewhere in the world, scientifically-minded folks let out a giggle at this periodic table-related riff. 

On that note, here are more funny nerdy jokes, including those about a programmer’s egg haul and why Java developers should get their eyes checked.

 13y ago Programmer goes to shop for groceries, wife tells him: Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen. So he comes back home with a dozen gallons of milk and says: They had eggs. 1.8K Award Share ...
 13y ago Edited 13y ago Why can't programmers tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas? ...Because OCT31 == DEC25. 1.2K Award Share ... Fredifrum 13y ago На! As a CS student I have no idea how I haven't heard this yet. Kinda awesome how well the math and notation works out perfectly with the holidays. 157 Award Share ...
ohmygord 13y ago A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are standing in front of an empty house. They all observe two people walk in, and three people walk out. The biologist tries to explain the phenomenon by stating, Well, they must have reproduced. The physicist offers a different explanation; There must have been an error in measurement. Then, the mathematician says, If one more person walks in, then the house will be empty again. 1.3K Award Share ...
 13y ago Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says get the hell out. Argon doesn't react. 1.3K Award Share ...
sheymyster 13y ago Anyone can make a bridge that can stand, it takes an Engineer to make a bridge that can barely stand 625 Award Share ...
deruch 13y ago What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? Nothing. You can't cross a scalar and a vector. It's great. Totally nerdy on multiple levels. 755 Award Share ...
A_Luddite 13y ago Einstein Newton and Pascal are playing hid and go seek and it's Einstein's turn to count. So Einstein starts counting and Pascal goes off to hide, but Newton just stands there and calmly draws a box around himself in the dirt. Einstein finishes counting sees Newton immediately and tells him that he is it. Newton responds No Einstein, you just found one Newton per meter square. Pascal's it. 1K Award Share ...
delicatedahlias 13y ago . Edited 13y ago How do you know there's a tenor at your door? They don't have the right key and they never know when to come in. Edit: This is now my top comment. - Award Share 589 ...
JJFresh814 13y ago Knock Knock Who's there? Silence for 5 seconds Java. 469 Award Share ...
BunRabbit 13y ago Why do Java developers need glasses? 'cause they don't C#. - 229 Award Share ...
thanks_for_breakfast 13y ago Knock knock who's there? For. For, who? For whom. 377 Award Share ...
CloughBro 13y ago Your mom is so ugly, not even fluorine would bond with her. 396 Award Share ...
LuciaLux 13y ago The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense. 253 Award Share ... + 4 more replies
dr4m4g33k . 13y ago Edited 13y ago How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to put in the lightbulb, and the other to hold the peni- LADDER! LADDER, I meant ladder. Obligatory edit: This is my single most upvoted comment. Also, one of my favorite cocks. I mean jokes. 1.3K Award Share ...
onthenickle 13y ago guy asks the bartender for a double entendre. the bartender gave it to him. 611 Award Share ... + 35 more replies
MrDNL 13y ago Descartes walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender asks, On the rocks? Descartes replies I think not and vanishes. 576 Award Share ...
inferior-raven 13y ago Art nerdyness count? How many German surrealist painters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. 628 Award Share ...
mmmPIE 13y ago How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just kidding. Thats a hardware problem. - 796 Award Share ...
whiskey_love_songs 13y ago So a Higgs-Boson walks into a church, the priest says We don't want your kind here and the Higgs- Boson replies But without me, you can't have mass! 251 Award Share ... + 8 more replies
 13y ago There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data 496 Award Share ...
Crocodilealt 13y ago If you took the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die. 263 Award Share ... + 4 more replies
Sethal4395 13y ago I've started dating a Moebius strip, but I've found her to be very one-sided. 34 Award Share ... + 1 more reply
ohmygord 13y ago Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, We don't serve your kind here. The bacteria reply, But we work here; we're staph! 203 Award Share ... + 2 more replies
th_squirrel 13y ago What would you call Iron Man and Silver Surfer if they teamed up? Alloys. 279 Award Share ... + 8 more replies
Thehealeroftri 13y ago Not actually a joke, but a few years ago my aunt signed a fake petition to get Dihydrogen Monoxide removed from our city's faucets. She said it sounded dangerous so it must be dangerous. 458 Award Share ... omfgforealz 13y ago It is dangerous. Sufficient quantities taken into the lungs are lethal. 222 Award Share ...
LikeChicken 13y ago Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great. 231 Award Share ...
R3ptar1337 13y ago Not really a joke, but you can tell if someone is a scientist or not by asking them to say unionized. 198 Award Share ...
_spranger_ 13y ago Two atoms were walking down the street, and one says, I lost an electron! then the other one says, are you sure? and the first says I'm positive! 195 Award Share ...
Lewkylewk 13y ago You do psychology? Does Pavlov ring any bells? 104 Award Share ...
superpetemo 13y ago Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium... BATMAN!! 95 Award Share ...
 13y ago 2 chemists walk into a bar. One asks for an H20. The other asks for an H20 too, and dies. 79 Award Share ...
stygianstank 13y ago A robot walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, hey, we don't serve your kind. The robot gets up and as he walks out he says: One day you will...all of you will. 59 Award Share ...
Aardvarksoup 13y ago The bartender says  We don't serve faster than light neutrinos Here. A neutrino enters a bar. 57 Award Share ... + 8 more replies
sean @bilililions 13h ... At the end of the day it's literally night... 27 255 3K del 61K

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?