30 Funny Reasons Employees Called Out of Work

‘Almost 20 of my grandmothers are dead now, I think’
30 Funny Reasons Employees Called Out of Work

“The dog ate my homework” was a classic — albeit unbelievable — excuse once used by students who wanted to pull a fast one on their teachers. But it seems that not enough people tested these waters of dishonesty as children, and became adults who give less-than-satisfactory reasons for calling out of work. 

One Redditor remembers the time their coworker tried calling out on 4/20, claiming that it was their birthday. Unfortunately, their manager wasn’t gullible enough to fall for the excuse, and quickly replied, “We know your birthday is in February. It’s on your paperwork.” The defeated coworker had no choice but to show up for his shift.

It’s not just stoner antics that have sparked phony phone calls to managers either. Whether it was broken legs that magically healed overnight or funerals for grandparents who kept on dying, here are some of the most ridiculous reasons employees called out of work…

gogogadgetdumbass 9mo ago One of my teen employees- my Mom said I can't come in. A few minutes later- said Mother calls and tells me her daughter will be there shortly, she overheard the lie and please make her day as miserable as possible. - 151 Award Share ... liviathisbe 9mo ago That's definitely me as a mom. 32 Award Share ...
sixtoe72 9mo ago Had to move out of town over the weekend because his allergy to local plants was too bad. Today he runs a plant store. - Award Share 132 ...
DewdropDolll_ 9mo ago Once had a guy call in sick. Two hours later he called in to say his basement had flooded, forgetting that he had already called in. In reality he was just really drunk. 292 Award Share ...
CailinDorais 9mo ago A coworker tried calling in on 4/20 saying it was his birthday. The manager replied We know your birthday is in February, it's on your paperwork. Не came in. 89 Award Share ... + 1 more reply
The_Mouse_That_Jumps 9mo ago She called out because her father in law was sick and she needed to take care of him. Which was fine, except that she was so inebriated that she'd forgotten calling out the week before, to attend his funeral. - 76 Award Share ... Solacelnfinite 9mo ago This one I get. The alcohol does numb the grief. 8 Award Share ...
FoxtrotSierraTango 9mo ago A sequence of e-mails from an already questionable employee. These came in roughly an hour apart and dude wouldn't respond to follow up questions: I lost my keys I found my keys but my driveway is blocked My driveway is unblocked but my car is out of gas My roommate went to get gas but hasn't returned, I'm taking a bus I'm at the bus stop but forgot my wallet I went home and got my wallet, but now I'm on the wrong bus Не pretty much stopped trying after that. Не was fired not long after.
tangtastesgood 9mo ago A kid (15) my kid (18) works with called in with other plans as in they had better things to do. The owner said, that's not how that works. 15 Award Share ...
 9mo ago They said they were late because their dog forgot to wake them up. 15 Award Share ...
Nintendo1964 9mo ago Guy I knew said he had chemotherapy and called off from Target. Не just got stoned, shaved his head, and went skateboarding with us. His name was Brian, because of course it was. 11 Award Share ...
 9mo ago Guy I replaced called off the last week of his job there because he had a big pimple on his face and it hurt too much. 10 Award Share ...
Hosscatticus_Dad523 9mo ago A lady that worked with me was always blaming her husband for her absences. It was always something like, Fred swapped the car keys for magic beans, or Fred hurt his back and couldn't get up from the toilet. It was funny, but annoying at the same time. - 18 Award Share ...
 4y ago Lie back with my head off the bed and plug my nose. I'm sick. I had a brand new girlfriend. 2 Award Share ...
Dgoodmanz 7y ago I faked my grandpas death (who was already dead) and funeral and got 3 days off, but no one ever questioned it or asked for proof 299 ...
Trup75 7y ago We had an employee take a week off to go out of state for his father's funeral. While he was gone, his father showed up to surprise him with lunch. I never saw that employee again. 11 ...
 3y ago Edited Зу ago I was meaning to sneak out of my Target job that i had to get after getting my ex pregnant and having to drop out of uni. I told the manager that i had to leave because i suspected that i had cancer and had an appoinment with the doctor. The manager called my dad to confirm what i said. My dad having heard this came to my workplace and promtly beat me with jumper cables before everyone. I was let go after that 1 ...
JumbledEpithets 3y ago I used to pretend to have epilepsy when I was in high school working at McDonald's. Every time there was a party we wanted to go to, I'd act like I was getting dizzy and lightheaded, and my buddy would come pick me so the boss wouldn't see me driving. Worked like a charm. 1 ...
 Зу ago (I work in the medical field) Told my boss I'd be late because I was helping at a car accident. Then | called off work and got it excused because the cops wanted me to come down to the station to file a report. They didn't question it, and gave me a week off, paid. Then | left said job for a higher paying job.
DilophosaurusMilk 6mo ago Not my story, but one of my favorites. A guy was in alcohol recovery and his boss knew. The guy relapsed and didn't want his boss to see him, so he called in saying he had to miss work due to a roof leak he needed to repair because it was raining. The boss knew the employee was lying so he said I'm driving over to see the leak. Instead of admitting he was lying, he quickly got on his roof with an axe and began to make a hole. The boss ended up not even driving
CloudingDarkness 6mo ago I told my boss I was having a car emergency but really I just needed to catch up on some much needed sleep after binge-watching the entire season of Stranger Things. 1 ...
bird_minx 6mo ago Told them my Wi-Fi was down during an urgent work-from-home day. In reality, I was binge-watching Netflix without a care. Sometimes, the tech fails excuse is just too perfect. 1 ...
overmarcism 10y ago my grandmother died. almost 20 of my grandmothers are dead now, i think. 9 ... rsk8 10y ago Rip in peace fake grandmas
dreamsinred 10y ago I had a job at a bookstore in college. I didn't really take anything seriously then, and called out sick frequently because I was hungover, or I just didn't feel like working etc. My boss sat me down to talk to me about how frequently I called out, and I told him I had terrible periods. Не cut me off mid sentence, got really awkward, dismissed me from the office, and never gave me grief about calling out again. - 1 ...
 10y ago Funny you ask... I'm in Hong Kong on a drinking holiday.. You see my mom has died... My work was nice enough to give me 3 weeks off, second time she has died since I have worked there.god rest her soul.
tunaburn 10y ago chewed up some cheerios. Put a little milk in my mouth. held it there for like 5 minutes waiting for my mom. We walked to the car. I spit it all out and pretended it was puke. Missed 2 days of school. 1 ...
nathanahurley 9mo ago Once had a coworker call in because her car wouldn't start. A couple hours later her friend informed us that they were out partying the night before. The car wouldn't start because she couldn't blow under the legal limit in the breathalyzer on the dash. 6 ...
bbbbbthatsfivebees 9mo ago We had 3 people call in sick on the day a new Final Fantasy game had come out. They were gone for 2 days. They all came back and were raving about how awesome the game was. 4 ...
Head_Razzmatazz7174 9mo ago Alcoholic coworker. took almost every Friday and Monday off. One of her final excuses was 'I can't come in today. My tooth fell out when I slept and I have to go to the dentist. Miraculously, she still had a perfect smile the next day with no swelling and had no problem eating. 3 ...
MegaGrimer 9mo ago His family was going to a nearby amusement park, so he had to stay home and babysit his kids. Не was a 20 yo gay dude that didn't have kids. 3 ...
Marktwain12 9mo ago Had a coworker (20 at the time) call in saying he got in a wreck and totaled his truck. Не drove his truck to work the next day. 2 ...
WassupSassySquatch 9mo ago This guy called in saying that his door was locked from the outside and he couldn't get out. Не filmed himself struggling against the door knob and looking desperate. Не later posted Facebook photos of himself at the beach. 188 Award Share ... memeparmesan 9mo ago Thank God he made it out okay. Some scary shit right there. 120 Award Share ...

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