12 Types of Facial Hair Your Friends Wish You Would Shave Off

When weed became legal, this beard should have been outlawed.

Growing a beard, but only the parts that get food in it. Saving the rest of our linguine alle vongole for later, are we?

You don’t look like Tony Stark, no matter what the male fashion subreddit told you.

Do you bring news from Narnia? Has Aslan fallen?

Even if it’s a shorter, more muted version of this, c’mon man. You shouldn’t want to look like the decal from a rockabilly’s moped gas tank.

Some guys just don’t have it. As a general rule, you don’t want your beard length competing with most of your moles.

You don’t want to look like your grooming routine involves masking tape.

Are you splitting a beard with your friend? This looks like you ran out of Beard Points in the character creator.

Even for a comparatively subtle bit of shaping, just don’t do this. You might as well put a sign on your upper lip that reads, “BEWARE: BAD CONVERSATIONS BELOW.”

“Does that guy have a lip piercing? Oh, no, it’s something worse.”

You ever get so afraid of being considered boring you shave your upper lip? I don’t know what these guys think they look like, but unless it’s “a child’s drawing of a lion,” they’re wrong.

We’ve got enough of these guys for the next century, at least.