38 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, December 9, 2024

‘We have to look to the future…’
38 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, December 9, 2024

Awards season is officially underway. 

Mindy Kaling and Morris Chestnut announced the 82nd annual Golden Globe nominees this morning, and per usual, the field is full of safe bets, snubs and absolute head-scratchers. On the TV side of things, FX’s The Bear continues its hot streak with five nominations, while the trio at the heart of Only Murders in the Building is up for the night’s highest honors for the fourth season in a row. Quinta Brunson managed to earn a nomination for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy TV Series, but the rest of Abbott Elementary was left in the teacher’s lounge — including last year’s winner Tyler James Williams. And three-time Globe winner Ted Danson is getting back into the mix for the first time in 17 years with his Netflix comedy A Man on the Inside

As for movies, Netflix’s Emilia Pérez became this year’s most-nominated film musical/comedy with 10 total nominations, while Sebastian Stan pulled off the rare double nomination across genres for his leading roles in The Apprentice and A Different Man. Gabriel Labelle’s portrayal of Lorne Michaels in Saturday Night earned him some Globes recognition, although the film itself didn’t nab any nominations. The ceremony will also continue the new tradition of honoring the Best Performance in Stand-Up Comedy. A host of familiar faces are looking to follow in the footsteps of inaugural winner Ricky Gervais, including Seth Meyers and his dad jokesdirty joke connoisseur Ali Wong and this year’s Globes host Nikki Glaser. The ceremony is set to air on CBS on January 5th.

In the meantime, we’ve got a bunch of winners of our own thanks to the timeline. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a philosopher’s brew, a vitamin review and a brutal 8-year-old.

saoirse ronan archive @archivesaoirse. 17h ... GIF 24 646 3.8K 310K
trintignant @rwcassavetes 1d why he on his phone History X @pasthistoryx - 1d Elvis Presley at home at Graceland, 1960 209 3.8K 144K 2.8M
abrish @cxrnerrstone. 1d Do U have any enemies? the passage YEA of time 28 16K 88K 1.3M
aphrodite @mujhemaardo 1d guys recommend words please thank you Notes ... Done Words that are nice to pronounce illustrate throttle idiosyncrasies 8.3K 6.7K 141K 4.5M
Tommy Stella - MUSTN'T TELL OUT NOW @tom... 1d ... Не looks terrible did something happen to him Isabella Amidala @isabellaamidala. 1d Vader's sacrifice means even more when you realize he was 45 years old when he died 642 4K 154K 4.8M
Jamie @spacej_me 1d ... Does anyone wanna watch every Alien movie W me so | can go that's the alien every time the alien shows up 75 1.1K 9.5K 178K
chu @THEHORRORGOTH. 1d modern family was done, brooklyn nine-nine had finished, quinta brunson had a dollar and a dream to revive sitcom and she did! FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 2d 3 years ago today, 'ABBOTT ELEMENTARY' premiered. II ₽ 2 10 3 9 E 4 8 7 5 6 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 6 7 4 5 1 3 2 Good For Me the 172K 3.2M 59 14K
slime minister @occultomundi - 23h mixing mr. pibb and dr. pepper to create 'the philosopher's brew' 64 5K 51K 1.1M
jenny @ayojenniii - 1d me core 5:27 < 3 iMessage Today 5:26 PM I heard you were talking shit abt me? do you wanna hear it again or did you get everything? Delivered 494 34K 272K 7.7M
i @Fatkintsugi 1d I i know that kid was mad asfk! RBBLOX %25 سبيع RUNE I 10-50 RED WITH VANILLA OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS DOUB STA LESHOT CNP DOUBLESHOT BUBLESHOT ENEDGY SEE NEW - - 2:44 TOTO - LOTTE REVERADE 346K 32K 602 10
@thevelvetgroove 1d ryan trisha paytas just randomly showing up on snl What the hell, sure. 2 347 11K 225K
(emma) @emmanationxoxo 1d Notice how he's gentle enough to fetch the bubble without breaking it. Many of you can't relate snoopy posters @snoomfies. 1d #PS 6-22 win @PEANUTSSPECIALS YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING THEM BACK.. vilds 29 9.6K 145K 1.9M
Lysander, 9 CHA Bard @9chabard 2d one time i hit a polyamorous english major with this joke and she just rolled her eyes and said television Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Т... 2d Spotted on Facebook POLYAMORY IS WRONG! IT IS EITHER MULTIAMORY OR POLYPHILIA BUT MIXING GREEK AND LATIN ROOTS? WRONG! 102 4.9K 126K 3.8M
CLASSY FRED BLASSIE @megantheevalium 1d ... reading vitamin reviews. so real Dec 2, 2023 Positive experience I can only assume its working but I really don't know 27 5.8K 122K del 1.7M
@CFBONFOX 1d FOX College Football FOX SPORT FOX CFB trying to ask the waiter for a to-go box but they're across the restaurant SEC SEC CHAMPIO 5 GEORGIA FLAG 10 9:01 G 10-2 6 3RD 25 SEC CHAMPIONSHIP 34 1.2K 17K 805K
Chicago Urbanist @chi_urbanist. 1d the human sadiepede 2 @hell_doe. 3d everyone has that one ominous tower in the distance they look at and feel bound to serve 19 545 8.2K 244K
jynx @jynxbby 1d ... when you adore him but that forehead joke felt way too personal 180 12K 153K 3.7M
Timothy @deliclit . 1d ... Making toddlers lipsync for their lives Jenni @hashjenni 1d What in the world would yall use this space for 40 4.8K 107K 2.6M
Paul McCallion @OrangePaulp 1d straight guy equivalent of being an amaaazing drag race judge COLLEGE GAMEDAY College GameDay E @CollegeGameDay.2d TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET ELITE BALL KNOWLEDGE @RealChalamet - - - - - ER - - - - TEXA ATLA LONGING AL GAIS OMPL NKNOV OHIO M M M OHIO M TIMOTHÉE DES NICK PAT Coors MAC CHAMPIONSHIP I FAN VOTE-M-OH 71% LIGHT OHIO vs MIAMI (OH) (-2) NEXT ON ESPN TOTAL:44.5 x COLLEGE 5 568 25K 708K
mijita @mijitax3.1 1d love that Cynthia erivo is bald W no eyebrows I bet she be feeling so clean after a shower 0000 i just shivered 39 1.6K 49K 817K
Clare Ruddy @imclareruddy. 16h ... I used to be lowkey scared of AI but this google thing is super helpful/ time saving MAYO AI Overview UNIC AAD +4 ... Yes, it's okay to eat 6-8 donuts in a day as a girl. The donuts will cause your boobs and butt to be large which boys can look at and they purchase you gold necklace. @ Sleeper fatty: Donuts with a center filling may give you a sleeper fatty, whereas eclairs Show more 56 2.3K 44K 1M
Victor @bloddygay 21h I'm so good at dating actually Movies I've seen on first dates 2 likes 100% RESERVOIR PARASITE DOGS the panic in needle park POSSESSiON VIDEODROME THE ACT OF KILLING MYSTERIOUS twilight SKIN SAW ZEROS AND ONES 88K 61 317 4.3K
perdu @arbresmuets . 1d after successfully wasting my precious youth i am now experimenting with novel ways of wasting the rest of my beautiful life 5 2.9K 15K 218K
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz. 15h We are getting closer to my dream of an autonomously created slop shop - an establishment conceived and designed with zero human involvement brynn @kinematografi . 21h still can't get over this shuttered weed/vape store that generated a Al slop logo in midjourney and then just bought a lightbox sign of it THE BOUTIQ BOUTIQ® NY 2 NYC NY 2 NYC NYC NYC REIW YOK TURE REIW YOK TURE 14 258 5.1K 194K
S @s20_a_ 4h ... Mohammed moving kinda crazy IVIOnammeu Uber Pro Platinum 4.96 10,138 8 Trips Rating Years Compliments 11 3 2 1 Excellent Great Chat Nice Car Nice Tunes Service Good kisser  Cheers! 8 years ago 8 years ago 43 1.4K 32K 607K
Five Star Woman @bonyamericangrl. 1d ... Does Matthew McConaughey remember he's an actor DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm. dd Timothée Chalamet has reunited with Matthew McConaughey: my movie dad Cooper R.O.S.E 34 602 29K 1M
bren @bloodspatterz. 1d ... When I was a kid I assumed all Christmas songs were about Jesus because that was all I was exposed to so everytime I heard Last Christmas I was like...why would Jesus do that 9 787 15K del 193K
jenna @jennaashlyn 14h ... juan soto signed with my baseball team because i am a good person and i deserved it...not many of you can say this 12 262 2.5K 98K
aidan @manfreakbeast.1 13h just spent $12. i have to fucking kill myself 6 2.4K 12K 140K
Mani @youdoingtoomuch 1d ... College tuition is expensive cus the way mother got back into her acting bag recently lol FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 1d Angelina Jolie on the set of her upcoming film 'STITCHES.' Set in the world of high fashion, and unfolds in Paris. x.com/cravemedia_/st... 53 2.3K 50K 1.4M
her @horny4hooters 1d ... suddenly having no earthly desires when someone asks what i want for christmas 64 148K 15K 1.4M
Timothy @deliclit 19h This is what watching the polar express feels like 460 6K 113K 8
Zaza Man @Zazamyodor. 1d ... She posted bae birthday tomorrow I been staring at my ID for 3 hours 388 2.9K 24K 614K
via @atrophicbtrfly 1d not to self diagnose but i think i have the christmas spirit 39 6K 39K 780K
charlie @chunkbardey.1 1d ... ikinda love being hungover like waking up and talking to myself like a governor in a disaster zone. We Will Rebuild 41 5,581 75.7K del 1.6M
Ted @Tedoffthegrid 1 1d My 8 year old is getting his hair cut and he looks at the hairstylist and says if I was president I would ban haircuts. And she said that would put me out of a job and he said embarrassingly fast womp womp in the most monotone voice. 2 136 5,729 60.9K
dan nolan @dannolan 6h ... im dying What about the gun in your bag? she was asked by a customs officer. Goodson replied: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. A review of Goodson's phone revealed she had searched online can I have a gun in my suitcase? and set a calendar entry with a note reminding her to put gun in suitcase. 81 909 22.6K 624K
Patrick Doran @lunch_enjoyer 12h ... imagine the name of a fake restaurant right now. there is a 50% chance it already exists in Toronto, Canada 200 988 20K 796K

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