52 Funny Tweets About Healthcare That Are Always In-Network

A primary care physician is more of an abstract concept
52 Funny Tweets About Healthcare That Are Always In-Network

Every aspect of going to the doctor is enough to make you lose your mind. 

First, you have to schedule the appointment, which requires you to enter the labyrinthian maze of a “portal” that is, to put it kindly, one of the most imperfect technological tools to be invented since government websites. Next, you enter a period of limbo, where you experience so many random ailments that you become convinced you’ll die before your appointment even takes place. Then, to your horror, you live, meaning that you have to gather every ounce of mental strength in order to make it to the doctor’s office, where you’ll sit in the waiting room for 20 minutes longer than scheduled, because appointments ultimately mean nothing. Eventually, you’ll go through the arbitrary routine of getting your knees knocked and your heart listened to, and, having learned nothing, you’ll pay your copay, schedule another appointment to do whatever that was all over again in another year’s time and stumble out of the office, tangibly older.

While we can’t guarantee that your next trip to the doctor will go any smoother, we can guarantee that you’ll laugh at these tweets about the healthcare system, including those about the mystery of what dental insurance actually covers, the beautiful surprise of providing a stool sample and the feeling of being a prized horse.

just Dave @davelebies 1d ... they should schedule doctor appts like DOORS 8:15 Nurse 8:25 Doctor 8:40 62 3,524 70.3K del 1.3M
Versace Hottie @evilrashida 22h Ok so what the fuck does dental coverage actually cover like for real 1,073 3,620 48.2K del 1.9M
Tom @2footshaft.16h Does she sing or not, I'm confused? IC NEWS - BBC News (UK) @BBC... 16h Nurse who sings to children wins unsung hero award bbc.in/3XPjOKz 205 8,060 96.7K 3.1M
@orangypops. 1d orange ... Jacob Venom Snake 2 @H... 5h turned around after my prostate exam and the doctor was taking his glove off like this HOUSE.. FOX 2.9K 784K 32 46K
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer 1d ... Me, Hi. Good morning. I have the worst toothache. It feels like I'm in labor without an epidural and an 8 lb baby is about to be born where my tooth is. Dentist Office, Sorry to hear that. We have a small window of availability on August 6th, does that work for you? 61 86 1,909 del 50.8K
meg Yooper bitchell @Mega... . 3h ... Dental assistant is a job for only the most beautiful women in the world they are angels and the dental light is their halo they protect me from the evil dentist 19 337 6,239 128K
Cloudy (estrogen angel) 19h ... remembering the time i told my dentist thought he sounded like Ryan Reynolds and he immediately responded thanks! i'll tell my boyfriend you think so :) i got so embarrassed i had to stop seeing him and ended up getting several cavities because of it 49 620 43K 2.5M
@slipperygoblin 14h goblin ... the dentist just told me I have the beginnings of acid erosion damage due to excessive pepsi max consumption. well yeah of course I'm drinking so much it's not pepsi minimum is it 15 85 1,339 136K
internet hall of fame @InternetH0F 9h bro just wanted to relax everybody loves kitty ray mond @kittaveli once we went to the dentist W my mom & it was just us and 1 other guy in the waiting room. jurassic park was starting on the tv so we sat and waited through the entire movie. no names called. as the credits rolled the other man got up and called my moms name. he was the DENTIST 376 7,907 7.4M 152K
cory @coolmathgame_.22  congratulations my wife: do u want to hold him me: yes  wow. he's so precious doctor: put me down 33 6,144 63.9K 813K
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi-18h ... IN I wish I could call my dad's therapist and be like hey what exactly are you working on over there??? 11 142 4,736 82.5K
nova @comfypill 23h ... sorry for acting mentally ill, it's because i have mental illness 32 2.5K 7.8K del 110K
Jamie @spacej_me 3h My therapist always starts our session with How are you? and I always say I'm good! and then spend the next hour talking about how I am decidedly Not Good. 35 2.2K 23K 345K
Buckers @deathofbuckley 1d ... I went for a Pap Test today and the nurse said I like your hair colour, is it natural? and I replied well, you're about to find out.  X 59 282 8,310 del 208K
blizzy mcguire @blizzy_mcguire 19h ... Said no when doctor asked if im sexually active 23 1,988 44.2K 694K
yash @dildoswagginzs• 1d ... me: give it to me straight doc doctor: you have seven months to live me: give it to me gay doc doctor: it's giving seven months 94 9,493 148K 2.6M
b @halfateaspn - 1d ... going to the doctor feels like talking to a cop most times 31 1,814 14.5K 215K
KACHI @Kachidey4you 7h ... My dear it's called mental for a reason, will it be in your bag? Siffany @sylveeya01.8h I think mental illnesses are just all in your head. 193 7,475 36.4K 919K
Matt Popovich @mpopv 23h ... my therapist: matthew, i need you to understand that kamala harris is not texting you. my texts: Edit Messages +1 (202) 987-9841 1:11PM > Matthew, it is Kamala Harris. 41 2,275 84.1K 1.3M
Microplastics Exploder @DiabolicalSpuds 1d Went to the doctor with anxiety and he gave me this? Price $3.75 Per Set DR. YOUNG'S IDEAL Sold Only in Sets Un United SELF-RETAINING N W. RECTAL DILATORS FOR THE INTELLIGENT TREATMENT OF PILES, CONSTIPATION, NERVOUSNESS DYSPEPSIA, HEADACHE, RHEUMATISM, INSOMNIA, ASTHMA, INDIGESTION ECZEMA AND DISEASES CAUSED BY SLUGGISH CIRCULATION, MAL-NUTRITION, DEFECTIVE ELIMINATION AND THE ABUSE OF CATHARTIC DRUGS FOR WOMEN-Wonderfilly beneficial during pregnancy troubles. and before and during period. FOR MEN-Particularly recommended in prostatic DIRECTIONS-Betet . size that can be inserted without discomfort. Dr. the Lubricate side with with the vaseline drawn or with up,
Differently Dave @GoldenVisio... 5h ... Just had to take a urine sample to my GP and at reception they asked me does the doctor know about this already. No, no. I just brought a cup of my wee as a present. Please don't spoil the surprise. 40 150 3,032 del 76.8K
Jaii @Jaispointofview. 17h ... Me: *graduated nursing school 2 weeks ago* My friend: Today 7:56 PM oh nurse jaiiiii Delivered let's say hypothetically, a blow torch miss fires, and it hits a hand but the hand looks fine but it's burning like hell and it hurts when water touches it. It hurts to move it but like there's no visible burn marks. also funny enough there's no hair on it anymore like small knuckle hairs. They're all gone. + iMessage 288 2,321 78K 1.9M
Sopranos World @SopranosW... 18h ... doom @erika_doom.1d Uh Oh; Worst Person You Know Learned Therapy Words 11 1,280 13.4K 487K
Lady Lawya Follow ... @Parkerlawyer I just told my daughter, It's 11:11 make a wish! To which she replied, My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it's 11:17. Last edited 11:22 PM a Jul 27, 2024 2.4M Views 213 6.8K 162K 1.7K
lilbitdarch @damndarch 17h ... i was pushing my baby out and i asked th doctor like do he have hair, can you see hair mannn that lady gone say yea we see a lot of hair just not his now THAT was embarrassing 527 2,041 14.1K 442K
Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy 8h ... Instead of Take Your Child To Work Day there should be a Take Your Therapist To Work Day so they can see exactly what you've been talking about 11 286 2,074 del 58.4K
no name @pradaice 1d ... Trying to look for a new therapist and this list is killing me Expertise Anger Management Anxiety Bipolar Disorder Bisexual Borderline Personality (BPD) 158 3,106 50K 1.7M
Sophie Vershbow @svershbow 15h ... Please log into the patient portal to view a message from your doctor. 121 5,086 55.5K 1.1M
Fredward the Bastard @Fredwa....1 1d ... doctor said that I'm one concussion away from greatness 3 254 1,625 63.5K
faith @faithnation .1d ... sometimes when I don't want to pay the $100 therapy copay I go to my friend's house and talk extra loud until her husband who's working on his psych PhD goes do you mind if I say something 106 10.1K 202K 3.5M
Ranch Devereaux @theJacko 22h Having my annual physical today where l'll have to remind my gay judgmental doctor that I recreationally use party drugs What's your sexual orientation? Answers, please choose 1 Gay Bi/Pan Unfortunately straight Gay, but evil 40 99 2K 131K
timothy faust @crulge 18h ... they gave me dilaudid after i got my kidney out and i called my sister for 2 hours (hadn't talked in years) and then wrote thank-you notes to every nurse on the floor. Miracle drug. I understand the problem now If Dilaudid was a Hamburger: Morphine Dilaudid The Relative Potency of Dilaudid vs Morphins Dilaudid is 7-10 times more potent than Morphine! 292 1,696 54.2K 1.4M
Laura Peek @laurapeek_.2 21h Very attractive young doctor at Kaiser asked if I could say whether the stool sample I'm submitting today would be liquid or solid. isn't it always a little surprise?? I asked with a wink;) 13 59 2,911 181K
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi.1d ... N I asked my doctor about prescribing me sleep medication and he asked if I had tried giving yourself permission to sleep instead and now I'm so mad I don't think l'll ever sleep again 62 1,260 29.6K du 753K
kyoshi's warrior II 23h ... I promise you want your doctor googling certain things it's the ones who don't keep up to date that will ruin your life Imaooo Ben Yahr @benyahr 1d When your doctor has to Google something in front of you 54 2,589 32.9K 813K
john с standard reilly @nickhex... 1d ... Dr. Pepper is healthy because it's made by a doctor 29 1,587 6,084 247K
madds, not mads @maddylanier 1d ... my therapist: cera michelle gellar can't hurt you, he's not real my brain: Cera BURNTHESEMEMES Michelle Gellar 83 2,456 33K 1.5M
mac @yungpapist.22h IDIA When I was 14 and got diagnosed with 33 TATE ADHD the doctor measured my head with a measuring tape. I'm pretty sure he just noticed it was massive and got curious 53 1,051 32.9K del 634K
READ HERRIT furby hancock @furby_hancock-22h ... me: my ass is broken doc. it has a crack in it doctor: (placing a hand on my shoulder) that's how the light gets in 3 299 3,787 del 103K
no name @pradaice 22h When your card declines in therapy so they bring out the dude you dated when you were 19 269 15K 109K 4.2M
R mor @moristiko.2d ... I had sex for 3 hours last night.. We role-played as a doctor & patient.. I was in the waiting room for 2 hours an 57 minutes 13 1,243 20.5K 889K
Olly iConic @OllyiConic 1d ... AR if you have a disgusting hacking cough ask your doctor if the seat directly across from me on the bus is right for you 3 821 14K 260K
rare insults @insultsrare.1 13h pavlo @LaughterHaver I have the best uncle ever! 28 J Cash $500 Go see doctor about autism 136 30.5K 1,275 775K
Space @sadcrib . 1d doctor taking you out back like this QB Truther @thmpsnii•1 1d Imagine tearing your Achilles in the 1600s 120 13K 125K 7.9M
lea chin-sang @bigfatmoosep... 17h ... too self aware for foreplay i'm so sorry... take that nurse costume off i iknow you didn't go to med school 48 11.1K 105K 2.6M
MACKENZIE @ghostinthessnow.19h ... AINT NO WAY THE DOCTOR SERIOUSLY GAVE ME THIS????? Diagnoses: Large breasts Chronic bilateral thoracic back pain Order Ambulatory 1,175 9,996 202K 6.3M
Subsistence Content Farmer 1d ... And who is your primary care doctor three different urgent cares in a trench coat, babe 15 5,357 64.6K del 1.1M
dr. umaria johnson @notkianna... 6h ... A doctor told you something and you askin twitter (a bunch of fuckin idiots) if the doctor is right Weed Twitter The Guy 1924 @CharlesMil... 6h So my Dr told me to stop smoking, because it increases my risk of schizophrenia by 20%, is this bull or nah? I am a 30 year old male. 85 4,842 22.2K 740K
bailey moon @baileymoon96.17h the sopranos is unrealistic because no one's dad actually goes to therapy 10 756 6,010 del 222K
jz2 @mixedgrass666.21h It's fun to go to the doctor when you're healthy. They made me feel like a prized horse 7 312 6,257 95.5K
Ojichan @Jahquari.21h ... I told my grandma I needed to get off the phone bc I have therapy she gonna say ok, have fun crazy 195 5,150 63.6K 2M
emily @emilykmay.23h My BFF just got an adhd diagnosis and her therapist suggested that she keep tiny Polaroid photos of all of her friends in her wallet so that she doesn't forget who her friends are 528 4,230 78.5K 2.6M

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