35 of the Wildest Things Doctors Said to Patients

‘Let me know when this feels good…’
35 of the Wildest Things Doctors Said to Patients

It’s good to know that between the long hours and grueling work, doctors still manage to be weird little freaks with a sense of humor. After undergoing brain surgery, a Redditor asked their doctor how he got inside of her head. He giggled, rubbed his hands together and said, “Power tools,” which is honestly very funny

If he had that giddy demeanor before surgery, it would definitely be concerning, but after the job’s done, I think it’s fair for him to have a little laugh

That said, he’s not the only doctor with the giggles. Other Redditors have remembered the funniest, most out-of-pocket things their doctors have said to them, including one who knows what an apocalypse-ready body looks like.

Rosemary324 . 1y ago I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse + 15K ...
Julietjane01 . 1y ago e Dr: you look great! How did you lose weight? Son: eating disorder; anorexia Dr. Well keep doing whatever you are doing, it's working great! + 5.6K ...
WiscoCheeses 1y ago . Edited 1y ago F I told an OBGYN during an exam my husband and I had just started trying to get pregnant and she said Are you tracking your cycle or just fucking all time? -Hearing that come out of a small elderly black woman was freaking hilarious!!! She was close to retirement and had zero filter, miss her! 3K ...
Anarchysparky12 0 1y ago . Edited 1y ago My surgeon, during surgery to replace pins in my broken finger that had been pushed out by my own body - l'm really getting them in there this time, you little freak of nature.
kodlab115 1y ago When I was 12 I had a dentist say Hold on I think I might be counting wrong, you shouldn't have those yet... okay never mind those are definitely your wisdom teeth. Your mouth is just huge I guess. They said it was the youngest they've ever seen anyone get their wisdom teeth. They called in every dentist in the building to come look at my mouth. + 6.8K ...
Fragrant-Opinion2021 1y ago When I was like 20, my endocrinologist took a good look at me and asked are you okay with your face being so asymmetrical? I had never really noticed it before, but boy have I noticed it since! + 17K ...
brianbmx94 1y ago After destroying my knee riding bmx at 17, the emergency surgeon said wow, really fucked that up. 10 years later and another serious knee injury from riding, I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one). First words out of his mouth were I remember you. Fucked up the other one, huh? + 24K ...
The_Town_of_Canada 1y ago Back pain, I'm not young. Doctor just said basically Well, that's just life for you. You're tall. So I'm just going to end up being a hunched over 90 year old? Lol, you're not going to see 90. Um...pardon? How many tall old people have you ever seen? Oh...yeah...ok. + 18K ...
MacDugin 0 1y ago e You just hang on right there we will get you a wheelchair and admitted to the hospital. We have to do a colonoscopy, but don't worry I will knock you out before sticking a camera up your ass + 7.1K ...
Acenterforants333 1y ago I had a really weird throat issue. It didn't hurt it just felt like something was stuck in there. I had been a vegetarian for years at this point and the doctor said I likely had a chicken bone stuck in there. Wouldn't take no for an answer. + 2.4K ...
OutcomeOk4500 1y ago . You have by far the largest tonsils I've ever seen in all my years as a dcotor, I mean my god they are huge then proceeded to show two other doctors, literally pulled them out of a room to show them. I wasn't even sick they are just naturally huge. 340 Share ...
gravis86 1y ago Told me my vertebra looked like someone put a saltine cracker on the floor and stepped on it. Не was right, but that's not exactly something I wanted to hear in that moment. 816 Share ...
Mr_Elroy_Jetson 1y ago - I got a vasectomy and the female doctor said, you've got really nice anatomy, and I couldn't believe what she had just said to me. She followed it up with I just mean your skin (on your scrotum) is really thin... Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions. + 1.4K Share ...
BlackCaaaaat 1y ago . An older doctor was examining my breasts because they were lumpy and it concerned me. The doctor said 'wow! Your breasts are just like my wifes TOTAL ... er I mean you both have fibrocystic breasts.' Не blushed and I just laughed. 1.8K Share ...
CopperTop62 e 1y ago e Proctologist inserting camera: let me know when this feels good + 1.2K Share ...
ThisistheHoneyBadger 1y ago Doctor giving me an exam: You do realize Mr. HoneyBadger that your left testicle hangs lower than the right? Me concerned as fuck: Uhhhh yes....is that something bad?!! Doctor: No not at all. Very common and normal. You can put your pants back on. + 406 Share ...
One_Science8349 1y ago - A male doctor declared that I was about to receive the best pelvic exam in my life. Не then proceeded to chatter about how horrible they are for women so he asked his wife to help instruct him on making them as painless and comfortable as possible. Не did not lie, it was indeed the best pelvic exam I've had in my life. Weird as fuck to start out that way, but bless him for caring so much. + 1.3K Share ...
NUDES_4_CHRIST 1y ago that works here? Dr: Are you related to Dr Me: Yes, he's my uncle Dr: Do you like him? Me: No he's an absolute dick Dr: opens door rushes down hallway and I can overhear him say told you! Even his own family hates him to the other docs in the office + 3.6K Share ...
Middle-Gas3531 1y ago e I saw a specialist following a serious arm injury. Не looked me up and down, glancing at my pink and blonde hair, and muttered with an eyebrow raised, Huh. That's an... interesting color. This wouldn't be at all strange if his own hair wasn't BRIGHT BLUE. + 2.3K Share ...
zerbey 1y ago I asked him what a long acronym FUE the ocular oncologist wrote meant, he tried to pronounce it, shrugged, and said We'll just call it Fucked Up Eye. It's been called that ever since. During the same weird cancer episode, a neurologist said my brain was unremarkable. I mean, he's right in so many ways, but I was delighted to hear it. + 4.1K Share ...
truthcopy o 1y ago e I asked my doctor, who had just performed brain surgery on me, how he got inside my head. Не literally giggled, rubbed his hands together and said, Power tools. + 3.4K Share ...
ElvisAndretti 1y ago I had an MRI of my knee. Doc said two things that were unusual. I've never seen them use the word macerated to describe someone's knee before. And How did you break your leg? (I was not aware that I had broken my leg) + 1.6K Share ...
dma1965 1y ago I had a female doctor bend me over and stick her finger up my butt to check my prostate. When she was done she said Your prostate is absolutely wonderful! No enlargement at all. It's absolutely fantastic! GOOD FOR YOU! She did this with the same voice and look on her face that one would give to someone who just performed a symphonic masterpiece. I felt so accomplished. I'm sorry she left the practice. + 4.3K Share ...
OlyVal 2mo ago . Edited 2mo ago My new-to-me doctor asked if I could be pregnant. I laughingly replied that that's nothing to worry about because I'm a card carrying lesbian. A week later, I read my online medical chart. It clearly notes: Patient is a card carrying lesbian. Too funny.
PenaltyNext8736 2mo ago e Had a doctor quit casting my arm and say let me go YouTube it before leaving the room + 4.5K Reply Share ...
 2mo ago Me to my oral surgeon a month ago: I've really neglected my oral health because of my longtime fear of dentists. Him: Well, I guess you fcked up, didn't you? I just laughed because he wasn't wrong and I can appreciate the bluntness. + 3.4K Reply Share ...
needstherapy 2mo ago My ex-obgyn booped my butthole, even made a boop noise and then laughed. My husband was in the room and after she left he asked if that was normal, no sir that was not fucking normal. + Share 1.9K Reply ...
Flangepacket 2mo ago I had an anal fissure for like 6 years before going to a doctor. Literally every 3rd or 4th poop it would tear back open and gush blood everywhere - I had a special towel I'd bite and everything. Trust me, my asshole was in tatters, like a torn windsock. Anyway, I finally went to the doctor who told me to drop trou and lie on my side in the bed. I was kind of watching him approach me over my shoulder and the dude damn near flung himself the other side of the room as he recoiled at the
Zealousideal_Key_714 2mo ago ME (when Doctor told me my appendix is going to likely rupture before he can operate on me): when your appendix ruptures, dont you die?. DOCTOR: ohhhh, that is a very good possibility. Geez, thanks doc.... Guess I'll see you again in 12 hours. + 1.8K Reply Share ...
SkrodLaDa . 2mo ago Fingers deep in me during a routine checkup, she says Yep! It's a girl (referring to me) + 5.6K Reply Share ...
Muggi 2mo ago During a physical I said shit and he immediately perked up, wait, I don't have to watch my language with you? to which I said no...he visibly relaxed and loudly proclaimed, THANK FUCKIN GOD and started discussing my health frankly, but with enough swears to make a sailor blush. My favorite GP ever, made sure I saw him yearly til he left the practice. + 6.3K Reply Share ...
MooseKnuckle20695 2mo ago o I was having abdominal pain, so my primary care physician scheduled me for an x-ray. The doctor showed me the film, while looking me dead in the eye and said, You're literally full of shit. + 8.7K Reply Share ...
totalbrootal 2mo ago I told my doc that my butthole gets irritated sometimes. Не said I can schedule an appointment to get it looked at if I want, but please schedule it in person. Не said a patient once scheduled a video appointment with him and showed him their butthole with their iPad camera. + Reply Share 5K ...
MoistCloyster_ 2mo ago . Edited 2mo ago Me waking up after emergency surgery because my appendix ruptured Doctor: Pick 3 of your favorite foods you'd love to eat right now. Me: Pizza, steak, wings. Doctor: Those sounds amazing. Too bad you won't be able to eat any of that stuff for at least a week. + 12K Reply Share ...
MoGregio 1y ago e While removing my wisdom tooth, do you snore? I replied yes. You should go to the doctor about that. Не was right, I have sleep apnea. 411 ...

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?