35 Jokes That Didn’t Get the Laughs They Deserved

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35 Jokes That Didn’t Get the Laughs They Deserved

When your joke bombs, the mature thing to do is take it in stride. However, there are times when it’s appropriate to blame your audience for being too stupid to get it. For instance, a Redditor recalled the time he was viewing a house, which was listed as a “fixer-upper” with 2.5 baths. The place was in shambles, and the realtor “had yet to realize” his disgust. As they were leaving the viewing, the Redditor noticed a toilet with a box around it sitting in the driveway. He gasped and jokingly asked, “Is that the half bath?”

The realtor didn’t laugh, and calmly responded that the half bath was inside. 

Other Redditors have commiserated about the jokes they’ve told that didn’t land, and though no one laughed at the time, we can all give them a proper chuckle now.

townhouserondo 6y ago . There was this guy I met who hung paintings and installed art on people's walls for a living. I said, Say it falls in 30 years. How long are you really on the hook for? 415 ...
doctor_parcival 6y ago e Older sister had to undergo a double mastectomy. My twin sister and I spoke with the surgeon afterwards, he told us everything went well, and that we'd be able to pick her up in outpatient the next day. In the meantime, I told the doctor to keep me abreast. I thought it was kinda funny. Doctor just nodded. + 424 ...
Le_Master 6y ago . Just happened the other day. My coworker said to his wife (who also works with us) that he needed to make his car payment today. So I chimed in, oh, so it's car pay diem without missing a beat. They didn't even react. 440 ...
partramp - Vinyl_Sounds_Better_ 0 6y ago . I'm quite proud of this one. My buddies and I were playing Rainbow 6 and my friend complained saying that he didn't like the female characters in the game because they weren't intense. In a kind of knee jerk reaction I respond with they are when they're camping. Not a word from anyone of them. + 782 ...
Mandorism 6y ago Was working at a gun store when an amputee customer came in, I mentioned to my coworker that he probably came in because he wants to be armed. She didn't think it was very funny... + 1.5K ...
soccercasa 6y ago Edited 6y ago Setup: At a hibachi grill, dude next to me orders tofu, so his stuff gets cooked first so it doesn't mix with meat. Не gets 3 tofu patties. The chef accidentally breaks one while cooking it, and serves it anyway. I know you're not a meatloaf fan, but two outta three ain't bad.
Squorlple 6y ago Edited 6y ago In my English class, this girl said that a character was being very blah-tant (blatant) with his feelings and everybody looked at her confused and asked if she meant blatant. I said that her statement was the epi-toam (epitome) of poor phonetics, which made the teacher laugh for about 3 minutes while all of the students acted puzzled. Edit: Another one: teacher asks if anyone knows what the word enigma means. After a short pause, I say It's a mystery to me to a similar reaction as above. + 1.2K ...
 6y ago I was in a parade playing cymbals and someone asked me what happens if you drop one (I had this cool ass cymbal flip thing I did in the middle of the song that required me to flip it along my forearm and grab the edge) and I said then you hear the sound of one cymbal crashing and nobody said anything. + 1.1K ...
PrehistoricPKMN 6y ago In my psychology class, we had a packet of papers and one of the things was a picture of a bird. We had to name what we thought it looked like. Someone said it looked like a sparrow. It was about to move on when someone else interrupted and started saying it was More of a swallow. I followed with Which kind? African or European? Everyone just kinda stared at me. Not even a single How do you know so much about swallows? + 800 ...
 6y ago Edited 6y ago I came up with a joke. I thought it was pretty hilarious at the time so I told my Cross Country team I had the best joke ever. Hey guys did you hear that one about the marathoner? No? Well you will eventually. It's a running joke. Crickets. EDIT: My top comment is now about how crappy my jokes are... Figures 1.7K ...
Weakskulll 6y ago My brother and I were eating hot dogs from 7/11 in my car before work. After about two minutes, he stops chewing and complains, These hotdogs fucking suck! Without missing a beat I reply, Yeah, they're the wurst. Не sat there in absolute silence for at least another five minutes before he realized what I had said. 1.9K ...
 . 6y ago Was in a public bathroom and every toilet was being used. Someone says Wow, we got a Full House! I respond from the toilet, And if we all finish at the same time, it'll be a Royal Flush. crickets 2.2K ...
youforwardslashh 6y ago - The college I attend is pretty Christian so it can be taboo to party around some people. Someone at a house party tried to shame me for drinking too much once. I quickly told him, but Jesus's blood-alcohol level was through the roof at the last supper! No response but I'm proud of it 2.2K ...
KevinMScott . 6y ago . True story Receptionist passed through the lunchroom pointing her fork at me, and said Fork you! Instantly I retorted, Well, that wasn't very knife! + 2.5K ...
 6y ago At a bar. I ordered a sex on the beach, and the bartender made it with pure booze, barely any mix. I took a sip, made a face, and said excuse me sir, I ordered a sex on the beach. This is all sex. May I please have some beach? The bartender laughed. No one else did. This is still the best damned joke I ever made. + 6.9K ...
RustyStyrofoam 6y ago I was watching a recorded baseball game that I had missed due to work, and my girlfriend at the time walked into the room during the eleventh inning, texting on her phone. Without looking up, she mumbled What ya watching? I said A Game of Throwns marathon. Still without looking up, she asked, New episode? Flabbergasted at her lack of situational awareness, I responded with Just the hits. She shrugged, said Kay', and walked away. We broke up shortly thereafter, due to constant miscommunications. + 3.8K ...
HashmanAndFallGuy 6y ago o I'm in law school. My friend asked me if I was taking taxation next semester. I told him I would, but I couldn't fit representation in my schedule. Still pissed he missed it. + 3.6K ...
 6y ago e I was in English class and we were having a debate about this Ray Bradbury short story that describes a house in the aftermath of nuclear war. It mentions the death of a man, woman, two children, and a dog who lived there. I said brings a whole new new meaning to nuclear family. I got a few weird glances and the class moved on. 3.6K ...
fuckingstonedrn 6y ago Not my best joke but for some reason i found it absurdly hilarious. Told kids that i teach that I was amazing at alliteration, thats why they called me alliteration dan. Nobody got why it was funny. 2.7K ...
 6y ago Went on a date with a сор. Не said something stupid and I responded with a phrase I commonly say from the movie Babe: that'll do pig, that'll do. After I said it I realized I could have offended and apologized: he didn't get the reference or why it was offensive so obviously I explained it. Its a good thing I found someone because woof am I lousy at dating + 7.8K ...
pm-me-racecars 6y ago I was at a bible camp volunteering, and the kids in my cabin sucked. At the staff meeting we all went around saying how our cabin is. The 3 people before me basically said my kids are all little angels, they're all so great. This is a bible camp, and in the bible angels are scary af and almost always open with do not be afraid so I said my kids are all little angels too, every time I see one I need someone to say 'do not be afraid.' The only person who laughed is a
 6y ago My friends were walking ahead of me when I noticed that they were literally going down a street called, no joke, Wong Way. I was shouting at them that they were going the Wong Way and they just shouted back no the car is this way and continued walking. It wasn't nearly as funny when I sprinted after them and explained it in detail while laughing to myself. Fuck them, that was hilarious. 7.8K ...
louislouislouis4 6y ago Was chilling at a party when three of my friends who went to greek school together started speaking Greek to each other. My other friend showed up and asked me what they were saying. I shrugged and responded Idk man, Its all greek to me. Joke went over his head and I still think about it daily. + 11K ...
lucyanide 6y ago One time I was in the car with my mum and I went to open the boot.. She warned me to be careful, that there was a butternut squash in there as she had just been shopping. On the spot, I replied you'd butternut squash it I wish I'd had more of an audience as no one else I've cracked the joke to has given me much credit but I'm glad her and I could laugh over it haha. + 13K ...
MulliganMG 6y ago My office had just redone the gym. They did a great job too, new machines, free weights, carpeting, locker rooms, etc. etc. It was unrecognizable. I'm down there, gettin swole (lol) when the CFO walks in and says, wow, this is fancy. So I replied yeah, in fact we're not calling it the gym anymore, now it's called the James. and he just turns around and walks out without even so much as a smirk. I was furious. The timing and cleverness of it was on point and this guy didn't even crack a smile. + 24K
444thatsfour4s 6y ago . We were in 1st year of college studying our aircraft maintenance engineering apprenticeship and a guy asked, is it true that when you flush the toilet on a plane it all gets sucked out of the back?. The lecturer said no, think about it. At 35,000 ft a lump of number 2 would freeze instantly at -56C and solidify and get sucked into the engine and do a lot of damage. Then I said, then the shit would hit the fan. + 18K ...
tea_wrecks13 6y ago E I was in a graduate class for teaching math. Somebody asked if we knew the way they multiply in China. I said Same way we do, but only once. + 14K ...
seraferous 6y ago My husband and I were at Jeanettes Pier on the Outer Banks and there were stuffed eels in the gift shop. My husband said What kind of eel do you think that is? I responded with a question. Do you love it? I asked. Не said yes, to which I replied, then.....it's a moray. That was 4 years ago, he still won't speak to me. + 14K ...
Meffrey_Dewlocks 6y ago . People were talking about Stephen Hawking passing away and someone mentioned he was British. Two teenage girls said they didn't realize he was from England. I said yea it's hard to tell since he lost his accent. No one laughed. + 13K ...
Mangledhippo97 6y ago I was at a friend's house while she was having a friendly argument with her mum about being old enough to do what she likes. At one point the mother says hey I brought you into this world and I can send you back up from where you came at that point I shouted out in a parental tone yeah, go to your womb! No reaction at all.. just carried on with their conversation... Probably spent the next 10 minutes in silent disappointment + 38K ...
ConsistentlyPeter 6y ago Spent my lunch break doing a crossword, occasionally asking some clues out loud for people to help with - just to get them warmed up. Then, the ground having been prepared, I entered the final phase: 33 across- Overworked Postman. Someone took the bait: How many letters? And with a perfect deadpan delivery, I pounced on my prey: Thousands. Nothing. NOTHING!!! + 16K ...
thaidystopia 6y ago I was in America (I'm British) and met this dude whose name was Miles. Не introduced himself to me infront of a group of people saying Hey my name is Miles but he pronounced it Mi-uhls like it was two separate syllables. I commented how I'd never heard anyone say it like that, and someone said, oh yeah? How do you say it in the UK? and without skipping a beat I said Kilometres. one dude lost his shit, 5 others kind of missed it and carried on talking. Oh well! I bonded with that dude pretty
Nooblarisbetter 6y ago Was viewing a house recently to buy it. Its a fixer upper. Aka crackden. We were talking to the realtor who had yet to realize our disgust. In the driveway was a toilet with a box around it. I couldnt resist. I said i saw in the listing that the house was 2 1/2 baths. IS THAT THE HALFBATH? :D . - he calmly explained that the 1/2 bath was inside. Life is pain. + 9.5K ...
casualreader22 6y ago Senior year religion class at a Catholic High School. Our Deacon teacher asks us Whats the two words you're not supposed to say to a Jehova's Witness? The class was a wasteland of boredom. I, figuring what the hell, raised my hand and responded Come In. Dead. Silence. Might as well as have had a tumbleweed rolling by. For the record the answer was Happy Birthday. + 24K ...
Theearthhasnoedges 6y ago My stepmother is incredibly loud. She once stood in the door screaming at the dog to get it to come in the house and I quipped: We'll have every dog in the neighbourhood here if she keeps this up. I feel like that should have gone over better than it did. 404 ...

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