49 of the Funniest Parenting Tweets to Enjoy During Your Sweet, Sweet, Two-Minute Solo Bathroom Break

Is that a bear doing gymnastics for 9/11?
49 of the Funniest Parenting Tweets to Enjoy During Your Sweet, Sweet, Two-Minute Solo Bathroom Break

There are many standard trials and tribulations that come with being a parent, like the sleepless nights, expensive doctor visits and oddly specific house rules you have to create after a mishap involving cheese and a ceiling fan. But there are also a few less-conventional ones that fly under the radar of parenting books and mommy blogs — like trying to keep a straight face after discovering a 9/11-themed bear gymnastics coloring page in their gym bag or stifling laughter after finding out that your child has been cast in the role of “a door” in the school play

From picture day fails to insane DIY Jeopardy! games, here are the funniest tweets about parenting that make the aforementioned cheese-and-ceiling-fan situation seem like a walk in the park.

todd dillard @toddedillard my daughter made her own jeopardy game but could only think of one topic More To many Overflowing Animals Animals Animals Animals animal 15 what 's the la(o and the AT rant of the IS the S the proper namm 100 100 100 100 Witch bird ik know is the proper not Symbol - of Kitte What if the only IS currently . ability lan ner? 200 200 200 200 the prop Percent does grown resert life Sir bigost 300 300 300 300 How long Joes REDEVIA What the for PL... جامعة GAT 400 400 400 400
elaine ... @elainesim28 My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday. I asked her, How small? She replied, Just you, me, and the principal. 1:44 AM Sep 10, 2024 11.1M Views 2.2K 40K 594K 11K
Annoying fully remote worker @Frediculous My daughter had a bday party to be at at 11am (i know). Anyway, i missed 2 confusing turns in a row and my daughter started reading the turns to me. I said, i got it. She said you obviously dont got it GIF

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Emma Szewczak ... @EmmaSzewczak Nativity season is upon us! My son has been cast as a wise man. My daughter, on the otherhand - Nativity and costumes Inbox x 12:16 (2 hours ago) to me Good afternoon, We have started preparations for our nativity! We are all really looking forward to seeing it come together and know your child will be excited, too! Your child has been cast as a door. This role will be interactive. Please could their costume be brought into school by November 25th. Their costumes can be purchased or created at home using things such as cardboard

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beth ... @bethbourdon my daughter lives in tampa and just went to check for any damage from Helene BOULEVARD BOURDON it's ur mum ORLANDO ORLANDO HEALTH HEALTH Foundation Foundation 10:30 AM Sep 27, 2024 4.6M Views
CoKane Follow ... BAUE @KanesCabDriv3r My daughter is about 10 months old now and she can barely finish a four loko without throwing up. Is this normal or should I take her to the doctor and get tested for autism? 11:40 PM Sep 14, 2024 4.1M Views
fredesque lot Imao etc. @FredTaming  i hope you realize setting the timer counts as part of this 15 minutes Jared Gilman @reaUaredGilman Oct 29 i know i'm not a parent but this seems like a comically low bar to clear PARENTS WHO SPEND 15 MINUTES PER DAY WITH THEIR CHILD CAN IMPROVE THEIR HEAL TH AND WELLBEING SCA SCHOOL DISE 8 MAI СТОР GOOKS drugfreen Tuscan ELEMENTARY SCHOOL 1:34 PM Oct 30, 2024 782.7K Views
Down the witches road ... @TanaIsBananas Helping my daughter clean her room and not only are we finding cash stashed in random places but she apparently also has a storage box full of unboxed gifts she's received that she goes to when she needs a little treat 1:55 PM Sep 15, 2024 2.1M Views 289 5K 150K 4.1K
Katie D ... @KatieDeal99 My daughter has been super nice lately and encouraging me to take naps so I can rest and I just discovered that while I've been doing that she's been slowly decimating my secret candy stash 6:34 PM Oct 28, 2024 53.5K Views 69 137 3.6K 34
ASH LEON @AshTheDonLeon i cannot wait for matching mug moments with my daughter omg TOPICIO Glock Topickz @Glock_Topickz Oct 2 Kimora and Ming Lee Simmons in Paris @kimoraleesimmons @mingleesimmons WHAT NI**AS DO IN PARIS
MrsRuvi @MrsRuvi My teen daughter just asked to approve her plans for a date (on a Thursday night): -4pm dinner at Bob Evans -Antiquing after -park for pickleball -home by 9. My daughter seems to be 70 years old. 7:48 AM Oct 24, 2024 5.6M Views 1.3K 4.7K 238K 4.1K

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Lucy Huber ... @clhubes Forgot it was picture day for my son yesterday and accidentally sent him to school in a shirt covered in angry-looking pumpkins BUT remembered picture day for my daughter today and did remember to remove the temporary tattoo sleeve on both her arms so 9:58 AM. Oct 23, 2024 51.8K Views 23 25 3.4K 39

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Uncensored Barbie ... @TheMamasaurus A woman at the grocery store, who upon seeing my daughter's blue eyes asked where she got them from, looked at both me and my husband, and then actually said out loud did the milk man visit your mom? What the actual fuck lady. 11:32 AM Aug 25, 2024 4.5M Views 2K 4.4K 161K 3.3K
Lady Lawya Follow ... @Parkerlawyer I just told my daughter, It's 11:11 make a wish! To which she replied, My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it's 11:17. Last edited 11:22 PM a Jul 27, 2024 2.4M Views 213 6.8K 162K 1.7K
Rory Allen/ZoomBuffalo @roryallen My Daughter June Allen as @JoshAllenQB on the Statler Building for Halloween #GoBills #billsmafia #letsgobuffalo #buffalobills #halloween #halloweencostume @BuffaloBills ISIT IN YOU?
Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais Remember to check your kids' Halloween candy today. My son just found the Yankees' fifth inning inside of a Snickers. 13 8:42 AM Oct 31, 2024 55K Views
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Me:  His jack-o-lantern: 9:42 AM Oct 29, 2024 . 30.6K Views
Subscribe ... @Whotfismick nobody: me and my son: 5:01 PM Oct 26, 2024 226.4K Views

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the wife ... @luckylibra999 yall my son took his first school pictures 1:33 PM Sep 11, 2024 17.2M Views

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Fesshole... ... FESS HOLE @fesshole My son came out as gay recently, I told him that it is all OK (of course) and that I always knew. Truth is I didn't have a fucking clue. I thought the other one was gay, and he's now had three kids with three women. I'm the owner of the world's least accurate Gaydar. 1:25 PM Sep 23, 2024 1.6M Views 200 1.2K 62K 987
Kristen Mulrooney ... @missmulrooney Having a nice dinner with the family and my son asked me Truth or dare? so obviously I chose truth as the safer option, and he said Who do you have a crush on aside from Dad? and everyone went silent and stared at me accusingly. 7:41 PM Sep 29, 2024 2.8M Views 279 3.2K 150K 3.4K
Paul Tassi @PaulTassi My son got too hot in his costume so I am now Kraven the Hunter 6:28 PM Oct 27, 2024 93.4K Views
Fesshole... FESS Follow ... HOLE @fesshole A few years back, I bought a Breitling watch, which arrived the day I got back from a trip to Turkey without the wife. I told her it cost £25 and was a fake. My son then took it to school and lost it. I couldn't even get angry with him, as she'd find out I'd actually spent £8k. 7:25 AM Oct 31, 2024 253.2K Views
TwinzerDad Follow ... @TwinzerDad My son didn't want to get up for school today, so I promised him that if he got up and went to school today, I wouldn't make him go tomorrow. We were about halfway to the bus stop when he realized that it's Friday. 8:57 AM Oct 25, 2024 16K Views 13 64 2.6K 13
Garrett Scott Follow ... @thegarrettscott My wife and I have started connecting to the house speaker when we get home and playing an intro song before we walk in. It's one of my favorite things we've ever done. My son goes crazy when he hears the first few beats of one of our songs. 8:57 PM Aug 31, 2024 4.4M Views 444 5.3K 109K 7.2K
thicc ass miniature pony Follow ... @_YamSmalls_ i've been telling my 2 year old to leave something alone for 30 minutes so finally i asked if he wanted to get in trouble and he said yes. 7:07 PM Oct 22, 2024 878.1K Views 79 1.4K 16K 574
Follow ... @NoEmmeG i i asked my son why they was up playing he said because we kids thicc ass miniature pony @_YamSmalls_. С Oct 22 i've been telling my 2 year old to leave something alone for 30 minutes so finally i asked if he wanted to get in trouble and he said yes. 12:36 AM Oct 23, 2024 5.6M Views

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Follow ... @prettyyae I forgot my son can read he said he want McDonald's I said they closed he said no they open 24 hours now why would they have a sign up like that I'm erked 7:40 PM Oct 29, 2024 493.9K Views 235 1.7K 28K 336
ShitpostGateway I'l Subscribe @ShitpostGate Wearing this at my kid's next Parent Teacher conference LOWER TEACHER'S SALARIES $
colleen Follow ... @starlesseyesz christian is such a funny name when you think about it. what if I named my kid atheist 7:50 PM Aug 21, 2024 1.1M Views 188 4.7K 91K 1.2K
Robert Komaniecki @Komaniecki_R I was freaking out, but it turns out my kid just inserted a whole fresh strawberry in her shoe and walked around like that for an hour
Robert Komaniecki ... @Komaniecki_R For the non-parents out there, you need to know that the fast food happy meal toy situation is entirely dire in 2024. Nothing like what we had in the 90s. My kid just got a toy that was a collection of interlocking cardboard strips and a QR code, not exaggerating 6:45 PM Aug 23, 2024 1.3M Views 600 1.5K 36K 821
ely kreimendahl Subscribe ... @ElyKreimendahl my kid was upset because I took away her iPad and she was like ugh! I bet when you were a kid, grandma let you have your iPad! and I was like...bitch. grandma didn't even let me have my FEELINGS 6:32 PM.May 21, 2024 2.5M Views 82 5.4K 87K 1.3K

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Loppy Rae: Hurtsies on BackerKit! ... @LoppyRae So, this morning I went into the garage and noticed the attic was wide open. We don't use it and it's a heavy panel, so I was freaked out already but trying to play it cool for my kid. But tell me why my 5yo stared straight into the darkness and said a man lives there. 10:27 PM Aug 18, 2024 13.3M Views
أماندا Follow ... @acabthearab Good to know that my kid can be in school with mild diarrhea, covid, & lice all at the same time as long as she doesn't have a fever 9:14 PM Aug 19, 2024 277.1K Views
ely kreimendahl Subscribe ... @ElyKreimendahl took my 6 yr old to the bathroom at a friend's yesterday & she looked around & said wow.....this bathroom is so pretty & shiny & then she wiped & was like mom you HAVE to try this toilet paper; it's so thick and soft!!!!! and long story short my kid just discovered wealth 9:37 AM May 26, 2024 2M Views
Ella Wind Follow ... @ellulie_ After 6 years in Canada, I just learned a new Canadianism from my kid's school newsletter. Apparently they call folders duotangs. 2:32 PM Sep 11, 2024 772.9K Views 1K 710 11K 522
Seth Rosenthal ... @seth_rosenthal my kid came home from toddler gymnastics with a truly breathtaking item UNITED WE HANDSTAND REMEMBER SEPTEMBER nth ALT
Zach W. Lambert ... @ZachWLambert Me: did you brush your teeth this morning? My kid: yes. Me: well I just felt your toothbrush and it's completely dry. My kid: The rules were you guys weren't going to fact check! 10:53 AM Oct 2, 2024 .2.4M Views
smoke mommy ... @wxfflestomp okay nvm im not ready for my kid to start school lol nonny smoke To relax my mom likes to smoke. 6:01 PM ·May 15, 2024 . 2.9M Views
Ben Rosen ... @ben_rosen my kid: *comes home with a drawing of our family with our eyes scratched out and our burning bodies arranged in a pentagram. under a blacklight we see invisible ink reading IL DIAVOLO* me, trying to do gentle parenting: ok looks like someone's got big feelings 12:44 AM Oct 24, 2024 40.3K Views 1 59 1.4K 35
Cross-laminated Tinder Follow ... @nickhasthoughts begging my kid to play video games instead of watching other people play video games online, folks the bar is in the molten core of the earth 8:12 PM Jun 3, 2024 2.2M Views 216 1.6K 43K 1.7K
Ben Rosen Follow ... @ben_rosen *convincing my kid to watch toy story* it has wallace shawn AND don rickles 9:29 PM . J Jun 17, 2024 293.8K Views 20 8.4K 565 161
emily may Follow ... @emilykmay if you ever talk to a mom who is worried about her toddler not reaching speech and language milestones and you say any iteration of, sometimes i wish my kid would stop talking! you go straight to jail. 5:45 PM May 21, 2024 250K Views
mom mom mom mom mom Follow @notmythirdrodeo My kid lovingly posted a Do Not Disturb- Let Mom Sleep sign on my door last night and then opened that door every five minutes this morning to see if I was awake yet in case you were wondering what Mother's Day is really like. 9:34 AM May 12, 2024 245.8K Views

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Lucy Huber Follow ... @clhubes These people are NOT going to like how many times I've gotten my kid a Hot Wheels from the grocery store simply because he asked for it. Kayla @kaylamellis_ Jul 1 I think what makes me sad is people are calling my daughter spoiled because she asked for a fruit and I bought it for her... a very simple, easy, reasonable ask.. like do these people never try to give their kids small things they would like? That's so sad... honestly.. x.com/kaylamellis_IS... 10:17 AM Jul 2, 2024 274.9K Views

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Nathan Christopher @authornathanc My kid transcribed something her teacher said in class today and is it giving it to her as a gift tomorrow. with we Are done the WAter bottles! Go there! Put then over GLAN C'ASS ThAt I ever TAUGH this is the Worst
meghan ... @deloisivete Bye, have a great day. I'll see you after school, I tell the orange in my kid's lunch 10:16 AM Sep 9, 2024 56.2K Views 22 173 2.4K 28
IFY @IfyNwadiwe When my daughter was this age, she cried because she ate a lollipop so fast she thought someone else ate it. I don't think a furry is the issue here. Libs of TikTok Libs of TikTok @libsoftiktok Sep 10 Little kid is frightened and bursts into tears at the sight of a furry in public When did this become normalized? SHARE Su 0:10 2:34 PM Sep 11, 2024 4.9M Views

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