35 of the Funniest Conversations People Have Overheard

‘Look man, I need to tell you about the monkey’
35 of the Funniest Conversations People Have Overheard

One of the simultaneously beautiful and grotesque things about human beings is that we will talk about anything, anywhere. Case in point: One Redditor was on the subway and overheard two guys discussing how to “whack” someone, even going as far as to determine which caliber of handgun was ideal for the job. 

While it’s disturbing to think about the cavalier nature of that conversation, it’s nice to know that you really can learn something new every day — you just have to be paying attention. 

Other Redditors have remembered the times they “accidentally” overheard a funny conversation, including a Starbucks marriage proposal, a girl with goals and a man with a monkey.

Wobagger 5y ago 0 I was sitting in the food court of a mall, eating and minding my own business. A couple passed by my table and all I heard was her say to him: ... because my head went numb when you were laying on it last night... I will never, ever get any context for what I heard. + 799 ...
filthy_lucre 5y ago e In the 90's when people used to use cordless phones you could pick up phone calls on a scanner. This is how I found out our downstairs neighbor was cooking and selling large quantities of meth out of his apartment. 2.5K ...
legoeggo323 . 5y ago I was on the train listening to a woman yell on the phone that she wouldn't be able to make it to her dentist appointment because she had left her teeth at home. 2.7K ...
 E 5y ago Heard over a cube wall at work: You promised that we would get a divorce after you got your green card! + 6.5K ...
TrueNerth 3y ago Coming out of the hospital once with my wife we overheard a guy on the phone say it came out me bum (pause) how the fuck should I know how it got there???? We never heard the rest as a bus pulled up and we were walking away to the car park but 11 years later and I still wonder what came out of this guy's arse + 487 Share ...
exile_10 3y ago A man and a woman discussing Dan Brown's novels at a party. W: Well I like them. The stories are so complicated and full of surprises but the books themselves are simple and easy to read. M: Simple books for simple people.  + 438 Share ...
DJGibbon 3y ago Sat on a bus with a mate and her three year old boy, the lad turns to his Mum and loudly says Mummy I keep smiling at that fat lady but she won't smile back Spoiler: she continued not smiling for a further three stops Share 448 ...
LectricVersion 3y ago In Cambridge and overheard an exchange between an American tourist and a tour guide near Kings College. Pointing at the college Is that building pre-war? ...Madam, that building is pre-America + 348 Share ...
Chipcobandtea 3y ago - I was on the tram, one girl was talking about her teeth to her friend and said she really wanted to get Venetians done. Her friend cracked up laughing at her mistake. The girl realised she'd got it wrong and corrected herself not Venetians! I mean velours! I want velours done! A few people were chuckling by then + 293 Share ...
a_seems 3y ago Many years ago I overheard a little girl on the train between Durham and Newcastle ask her mother; Why are there no police trains? And to this day, I cannot get the idea of a police train with its sirens blaring chasing down a criminal train while the other trains are pulling over to get out the way - truly spectacular + 914 Share ...
AFishTornado 3y ago I witnessed a guy standing on the street shouting up to a girl leaning out the window of her flat. Не said: Are you ready to go? She said I'm just having something to eat, I'll meet you there. Не said (exasperated and incredulous): But we're going out for dinner...? + 935 Share ...
pixelplayground 3y ago After a fight kicked off outside the nightclub I lived next to: Leave it mate, it's not worth it! Reply: It's kind of worth it, he's got my shoes + 2.1K Share ...
 8y ago Two old men talking about the plot to My Cousin Vinny. They were trying to remember the name of the movie but they couldn't do it. My wife and I ended up buying their dinner, and we made our own little game based on it called Ambigous Movie Plot where you try and stump the other person by giving just enough details about the movie so it pisses them off when they hear the title, but not enough so they can guess it. + 1.6K ...
destiny_manifest e 8y ago Late night in the Mission, SF. Drunk group walking below my window. Guy burping, Haha, I can burp the alphabet! Some chick, I can queef a lullaby. 655 ...
Cm0002 8y ago Somebody was talking on the phone on my way back to the car from the grocery store No I didn't fucking kill him, why would you fucking think that Needless to say I probably broke a record for fastest car grocery loading ever 1.9K ...
FroggiJoy87 . 8y ago Was at work and a couple of guys walked past the window, all I heard was Dude, you really should get her a birthday present, I mean, she did give you a really good blowjob. Fair enough. 2.7K ...
Chocolate-Giddy-Up 8y ago e Edited 8y ago Two guys making sandwiches at my local deli were arguing over what the best movie ever was. One man was arguing that Kindergarten Cop was the best movie ever created, and the other was just arguing that it wasn't. The one arguing that it wasn't gave a couple valid arguments that seemed easily deflected by the other man. It eventually devolved into them shouting IT'S NOT A TUMOR at each other. 838 ...
 8y ago . Edited 8y ago e One gentleman telling another that he could pop a wheelie in this bad boy referring to his wheelchair. I had to introduce myself because that is the type of person I need in my life. 4.8K ...
ladyambrosia999 8y ago I was in a shoe store and a little girl was playing on the floor with her mom. The mom kept asking her to stand up but the little girl would continue rolling around the floor. Finally she rolled under her mom's legs and looked up and said loudly WHY DONT YOU HAVE ON ANY PANTIES? And the mom dragged her out of the store quickly 1.1K ...
xxeeb 8y ago o little girl next to me at the zoo looking at the Pandas: Mom, when I grow up I want to be bamboo. 357 ...
lamickay . 8y ago Did you hear what happened to 'x'? No, what? She got a yeast infection in her throat from sucking too much dick 2.5K ...
Breadbaker93 8y ago e In Costco and they had giant crab for sale Little girl: dad what do they eat Dad: Little girls called Megan 4K ...
KindaSithy 8y ago e I was walking past a bar one night and a man was standing outside on the phone and I caught look man, I need to tell you about the monkey.. + 4.3K ...
generaldisarray420 8y ago I was at a graduation party for my best friend when she graduated high school in '07, and a boy she was hanging out with at the time was there. Не had to use my friend's house phone to call his mom and the last thing he said to her before hanging up was I'm a grown ass man, mom, I'll skateboard home! We still use that to this day. 10K ...
 5y ago Edited 5y ago I overheard two guys on the subway in NYC discussing what was the perfect handgun caliber to whack someone. There was a small dude who was adamant that the best gun was a 9mm because that's what cops use. Then the big dude starts shaking his head negatively, goes on to give a small speech about anatomy & ballistics, then proceeds to state that a competent assassin would use a mere .22 handgun, since it's hard to track, ammo is cheap and you can magdump someone in the head without anyone knowing it's gunfire.
 8y ago e 'Ah man I smell today. You know you get those days where you jump in the shower but just forget to wash?' 'No. I don't. what the hell?!' 509 ...
Sendher69 5y ago I was once in a Starbucks in Boston and witnessed a break-up which was immediately followed a failed proposal attempt. It was the craziest thing. The dude was very into her and her body language did not reply in a copacetic manner. Не confessed his love to her, she replied that it wasn't gonna work and she might need some time. Не replied, we have the rest of our lives to figure it out, so you have time the. Не got down on a knee pulled out a ring she stood up and said  this is what I
 8y ago My freshman roommate in college would talk on the phone 24/7, to anyone and everyone. His gf, the girl he was cheating on his gf with, and my personal favorite, some random conversation that I was barely paying attention to when suddenly: Oh! I forgot to tell you...your daughter broke up with me yesterday! To this day I kick myself for not paying attention from the beginning + 6.3K ...
Sue_Ridge_Here в 8y ago . 2 girls on the bus sitting in front of me start talking about a date that one of them had recently been on, one of them says and then he stuck his hand up my skirt and her friend says the one with the stripes on it? 8.6K ...
Brice500 e 5y ago 0 At a Chinese restaurant. An old man says to his friend, I'm telling you my balls swelled up like this. Then he holds his hands apart like he's holding a grapefruit. + 13K ...
legoeggo323 e 5y ago o I was on the train listening to a woman yell on the phone that she wouldn't be able to make it to her dentist appointment because she had left her teeth at home. + 2.7K ...
 5y ago Was checking into a luxury hotel when I was younger, and the people in the next room were fuckin like animals. So I keyed a bit slower than I normally would have because I had never been in this situation and I was intrigued and then in between grunts and moans she yells I bet your wife doesn't fuck you like this! Probably goes on every day but I never heard something like that before or since. + 14K ...
saltnotsugar 5y ago Edited 5y ago a A few kids were debating on what happened to the poop after you flushed it on the train. One believed it exploded on impact with the rails, another debated the possibility of it being shot out of the side like a cannon, and another knew it was used to fuel the train. + 22K ...
sharrrper 5y ago Black family in the Christmas decorations aisle: ~3 Year Old: Dad! Can we get a white man for Christmas? Shocked Dad: What?!? ~3 Year Old: A white man! points at shelf Shocked Dad: looks where son is pointing and laughs No no son, that's called a SNOW man. + 6.3K ...
juniorginger 5y ago I was really young and a group of around twenty year olds were sitting behind us in hockey game. One chick said, and I quote, My phone just vibrated so hard in my bra I almost sh*t myself. Not the weirdest, but still makes me laugh to this day. 761 ...

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