35 Shockingly Bad Wedding Toasts

‘This could’ve been my wedding if I didn’t mess things up with her’
35 Shockingly Bad Wedding Toasts

It’s amazing that people still believe in free speech at weddings. Whether it’s the opportunity to object during the ceremony or the toast at the reception, there’s a lot that can go wrong by allowing guests to run their mouths. Case in point: One Redditor remembers a wedding where the best man drunkenly used his toast to beg his wife for a divorce, saying that she won’t leave him unless he “makes a big deal out of it.” 

Hopefully that was enough of a big deal. 

On that note, other Redditors have recalled the awkward, hilarious or appalling wedding toasts they’ve witnessed, and more couples should ban the First Amendment on their big day.

occasionallystabby 3то ago The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. Не wore a costume. Не talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. Не brought in a guitar player that he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal. 409 Reply ...
BrooksSauconyAdidas e 3mo ago Best man. They say weddings are all about love and honor. I don't know much about love, but as for honor... get on her and stay on her! Everyone cringed so hard, especially their parents and grandparents. 356 Reply ...
VogTheViscous 3mo ago My cousin's father in law gave a spectacular speech at her wedding. Не spent a solid 10 minutes talking about how great his son was at baseball and how everyone thought he was going to go pro while he was playing in undergrad. Then he said but unfortunately he was injured in that car accident. And now he's marrying <my cousin's name> and that was IT 255 Reply ...
CANCER epanek . 3mo ago M EVERY COLO One of the older relatives was toasting. He's past the age of filtering to avoid saying offensive stuff so it's just offensive. Spoke about various races and their stereotypes for each in regards to dress and music. + 193 Reply ...
z2amiller 3mo ago At my wedding (to a person of color, with her entire family there), someone handed the microphone to my grandfather during the toasts. Не told a story about us driving to a Detroit Tigers game, getting lost on the way there, and finding ourselves in a part of town that was Blacker than midnight. (Cue the entire room getting deadly silent, broken only by the sound of a fork being dropped onto a plate) 144 Reply ...
panthersfan704 . 3mo ago o The grooms father made a comment in front of everyone about how the brides sister looked better in a swimsuit. I heard many audible gasps. 140 Reply ...
EffityJeffity . 7y ago The best man at a friend's wedding had to explain to a room of 100+ old people, in detail, the exact rules of Dangerwank. 1.4K ...
3mo ago Acceptable-Ad8930 NO, Groom's name was Richard, but a lot of people call him Dick. Best Man was hammered and got up to give his speech and in front of kids, grandmas, etc. he busted out with I ALWAYS KNEW THAT JEN LOVED DICK... Yikes. + 166 Reply ...
3mo ago noah1345 Two of my friends met doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. They got married and I'd say the majority of the people there knew them from either BJJ or MMA. The best man was the groom's best friend from childhood, and clearly felt self conscious because he had no connection to either BJJ or ММА, but he was a black belt in aikido. His toast dragged on and on for what felt like half an hour, and almost all of it was talking about how aikido isn't stupid and worthless, and how important it is to his life, and
LeadingFiji E 3mo ago I was the best man, I was giving a toast after the father of the bride, who recounted in his toast that she was born on a Middle Eastern US military base while he was serving and how he could have sold her to some sheikh. That was a hell of an act to follow. + 1.8K Reply ...
 . 3то ago . The best man was drunk af, quoted Hitler, and dropped the mic 3 times + 1.3K Reply ...
sunsetpark12345 3mo ago Started giving a long, tearful speech about LGBTQ rights. She was straight, the couple getting married was straight, and pretty much everyone in attendance was progressive. She was just using her brother's wedding to virtue signal. Yes, everyone here thinks gay people should be able to get married... not sure what that has to do with this couple whose toast you're giving at this exact moment... 765 Reply ...
LeslieJaye419 3то ago Mother's cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. This was a New Jersey Italian-American wedding, where the groom's family all hated the bride. Не said, I wish  and  a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I've ever seen. 612 Reply ...
Professional-Bee8797 3то ago e Best man went on and on about how hot the bride was, and how she had nice boobs. Then ended with breast wishes to the couple. It was so awkward. 530 Reply ...
Clean_Pin6536 3mo ago Best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with on the last night, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly ass. They didn't make it to their honeymoon. + 3.5K Reply ...
coupdelune 3mo ago I went to a wedding where the best man stood up and gave a speech as follows: May your wedding night be like KFC, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and when you're finished, nothing but a greasy box. The bride and groom were furious. A lot of people laughed. The priest was one of them. + 3.7K Reply ...
 7y ago My boyfriends best friend made a speech at his mums second wedding (hes about 33 so they were all grown up). Не said It's always hard being accepted into a new family as a step father but hats off to Brian especially as I heard him practicing asking me to call him daddy late last night Mother was mortified + 2.4K ...
wwjdforaklondikebar 7y ago - My brother-in-law's dad gave a toast where he went on an on about how his son had flunked out of college bc he couldnt get his shit together and was pretty much a loser until he met my sister. Like, its great that you're happy my sister came into his life, but don't tell a room full of people that you think your son is a loser. Not cool, man + 3.4K ...
ProudnotLoud 7y ago The priest marrying them had know the groom since the groom was a baby and went on about the groom's life and journey with God in a very touching way. And then it came time to talk about the bride and he just said and (bride's name) is great! before moving on. + 4.4K ...
Meg811 7y ago Grooms vows: I love that you let me stick my finger up your butt while you're sleeping... The whole audience went still, and there was a very uncomfortable silence followed by a few unsure chuckles. The look she gave him was terrifying. And the pastor performing the ceremony didn't seem to know how to react. Overall it was extremely awkward, + 7.4K ...
LadyOfAvalon83 7y ago Best man at my cousin Paul's wedding. Не gave a speech about how the bride, Julia, used to love horse-riding, but after she started dating Paul she was no longer interested in horse riding. The best man said, Women just need something big and masculine between their legs. Cue a load of shocked speechless grandparents. + 4.8K ...
scardboy 7y ago 0 Was at a friends wedding, one of my friends stands up to make a speech and it was pretty good until the last sentence when he said who knows this could've been my wedding if I didn't mess things up with her everyone was silent + 6.9K ...
Lemonlyric 7y ago I was at a wedding where the grooms grandfather gave a speech. Не stepped up to the mic and said, (Groom), I hope you made the right choice. Then just walked off. Old people waste no time speaking their feelings. Everyone cracked up. The Bride was cool about it. 4.8K ...
Marekje 7y ago My father, at my wedding: Marriage is like a bouquet of flowers. Over times, it withers and you have to change it. 1. Не wanted to say that you need to take care of the bouquet and , obviously, but he mis- remembered the quote from another wedding 2. My wife and I are separating, so I guess he was right :D + 4.9K ...
cn2092 7y ago Maid of honor giving her speech. We have so many great memories together. One of my favorite was when you taught me about the jets in the hot tub. ...obviously implying masturbation. In front of a room of three hundred people. Dead silence. + 9.1K ...
Badwolf97 . 7y ago 0 The only thing the best man said was Well, we're all here today for one reason, a good woman died. May she Rest In Peace. About the grooms late (first) wife, who passed away over 10 years ago. + 9.4K ...
 7y ago . Well this wedding was nice and all, but I'm sure all the married couples here know it's not a real marriage until you start having children! The bride was infertile. + 13K ...
MiloMolly 7y ago e The best man getting drunk and asking his current wife for a divorce into the microphone because she just wont fucking leave me unless i make a big deal of it + 11K ...
 7y ago Best man waddles up to podium, visibly too drunk. Не opens up his folder with his speech in it. Opens his mouth to say his first words and projectile vomits directly over the podium. Не says into the mic, Whoops that's not what I meant to say. Groomsmen drag him off and away. + 15K ...
dachjaw e 3mo ago At my sister's wedding our father said that the only thing that worried him was that she said she wanted six children and everybody knows that one out of every six babies born today is Chinese. + 2.1K Reply ...
DJustice23 3mo ago . Edited 3mo ago . My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. Не for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion + 1K Reply ...
jgilbs 3то ago Father of the bride toasting his daughter (he has 2 other daughters as well): You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart! Like what the hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed. + 9.5K Reply ...
agent_x_75228 3mo ago Best man said, I hope you (speaking to the bride) are well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight! I'm not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy and the mother looked mortified. + 2K Reply ...
nucl9us1988 3mo ago Best man speech: Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that's how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person and yeah Jackie was not very attractive + 7.3K Reply ...
miersk e 3то ago e Reception at a country club with a golf course. A lot of the friends and family were members. Father of the bride explains how she was conceived on the green at hole 9. 407 Reply ...

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