44 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, August 12, 2024

And just like that, two weeks of high stakes, unbridled passion and headline-making drama are over. The Paris Olympics ended with a closing ceremony that kicked off the transition to the 2028 games in Los Angeles, and featured performances from SoCal natives Billie Eilish, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But the most American thing of all happened with the help of Tom Cruise, who, of course, brought his unwavering commitment to doing all of his own stunts to the Olympic Arena. In particular, the Mission: Impossible star performed a feat of skydiving that saw him cascade down from the Stade de France before receiving the Olympic flag from Simone Biles and L.A. Mayor Karen Bass.

Speaking of Hollywood handoffs, Jimmy Kimmel has now explained why he opted out of hosting the next Oscars ceremony. The late-night host got candid with the men of the Politickin’ podcast, telling them that he “didn’t want to deal with that this year” and that the gig is “too much.” He also said that he’s “not good at balancing” and that Jimmy Kimmel Live! “suffers a little bit” when Oscar prep monopolizes his time. Who would be a good replacement, according to the seasoned vet? He has a long list of great options, but “most of them don’t want to do it.” 

And now to hand things off to the most hilarious people currently gracing the internet. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a reason to call HR, what it’s like to have a girlfriend and what to do after deleting Hinge.